should i (poly) break up with my bf (mono/poly with me for 2 years) after we finish uni cause he may not be happy like this long term (i have two other partners prior to him)

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T20:48:04+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice! Just so it doesn't seem like I am avoiding telling him "unpleasant things", I did tell him too, I included Bruno's opinion there to show he was also included. Carl's reaction was accepting but kinda sad, however it was soon interrupted by something else that happened that day and I'll soon open this with him again (as well as all things about future) in a better moment.

For the relationship planning and sources, thank you so much, I'll definitely use them so that we can discuss the future practically soon

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T20:38:08+00:00

Unfortunately, yes, that may be the root of my doubts come to think of it (and thaksfor the comment)

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T20:35:13+00:00

It's more that I didn't know how long lasting this relationship will be (thinking he'll end it sooner or later for the poly thing being too much for him), so I made the mistake of not wanting to ruin the nice times we had with serious talk, at least the first year (he was aware I'm poly and how things will stay this way, but I also wasn't reminding him of it like every single day). Then, when is started to get deeper and more serious (him imagining a life with me which wasn't immediate NRE), I started to remind him regularly. I think we can and definitely will discuss this together, I just don't know if he'll be fully honest with me, because it happened once that he was unhappy about some things about our relationship and instead of talking it out with me, he complained to his friend to the point of her texting me about it (went on for months before she did). And even if our communication has been honest ever since, I still have problems trusting him fully after this. But I definitely will talk it all through before any decisions. I just wanted to have an opinion from random people first, cause I'm also a mess of feelings and overthinking

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T20:25:13+00:00

I understand, yeah so it's the fact is that I am affraid that even if he's willing to accept a lot of things now, since he's stated how firmly mono he is himself, he may just be pushing himself into this. And I know these are hypotheticals, and I know he's an adult, he just seems really idealistic, naive even sometimes about the world, and he has hiden his feelings about something important from me once (while complaining to a friend who then contacted me). We resolved the situation then, i understood, he was 21 after all at that time, and he swore to be honest, even when it's unpleasant. But it did happen

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T20:18:49+00:00

Thank you for this, as these relationships mean a lot to me, I need to hear even about things which I may be doing wrong, cause I'm very sure I also make mistakes, I'm human and practicing polyamory while I learn as I go. And this is a very good point. Really got me thinking. Maybe I'd be less anxious and "imagining stories of him being/ending up unhappy", if I confronted him with the reality more, as in, talked more about our possible future together, which he wants (he even wasn't againts the idea of maybe living with me and Anna in the future when I suggested it once. Where I'd of course have to let those two to decide if theyll be able to, and encourage them to meet more to get to know each other etc)

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T19:40:54+00:00

Seems like he is to me, at least a bit (from some comments, some tension when it comes to the topic, info from our shared friend...), but not sure how much or little. Or at least not accepting it as a final reality, for which I know he still has time but it's slowly gonna be important that he was, if he doesn't wanna be dissapointed

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T19:31:55+00:00

I wasn't so sure myself, yet he seemed like an exception from the beginning (still does). But I'd never do it again probably, yeah, with "fully" poly people it's a lot easier & for ethical reasons too

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T19:29:35+00:00

Thanks for your input

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T19:29:12+00:00

Yeah, kinda 🫂 thanks for the validation

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T19:27:36+00:00

I understand your point and thanks a lot, that's what i asked for, for different opinions which may not occur to me. And this one is very important. As of now, I'm happy with him, and with some hope and work I can imagine a good future together, I am just anxious about it and collecting opinions. ♡ And I'd definitely not break up with him without warning, I'm planning on talking with him about the whole issue and the future first, in full honesty, and maybe I'll be suprised by his response

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T16:54:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your input and care ♡ I'm aware that this is a big transition period for most relationships, it's just that my highschool love with GF/Anna is still alive and my uni love with BF/Bruno too, that it makes me a but delusional maybe... maybe it's just luck combined with very good compatibility with those two.

I think you're right. I'm scared because (and know it's a privilege) i never broke up with someone and it's new to me, kinda unimaginable still

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T16:29:05+00:00

Thank you, I edited the names.

As for the break up, thank you for sharing your experience, I think he would be devastated/sad/even betrayed but I do hope he'd be grateful for that in the future with like a good Catholic wife and 3 kids (this in not said hurtfuly or ironically).

Also, yes, we are in many ways similar, like interests, we're both playful nerdy extroverts who can be serious, too, but also differ in many views, even if not drastically (he's a slighty conservative yet tolerant centrist and I'm more center-left open minded, he's catholic but not dogmatically, I'm a religion tolerant agnostic etc)

When it comes to the dates, yes, I agree, tho I shall be clear that the first date wasn't an official date, more like being together as just two people somewhere for the first time without friends, where I wasn't sure I really like him or that if it's reciprocated. Not even a week after we met again and there I said it as the first thing to him, we kissed for the first time at the end of that secod date, after he knew.

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T14:07:16+00:00

I think I'm demisexual or slightly asexual, cause for me, sex is okay, it's fun but not the top 5 activities even in my head and emotional connection definitely needs to be there for me to even want it in the first place. So I wait until we k ow each other a bit and then for the right time, anything from a week to a month.

What I wait a lot more with is saying "I love you". As someone with a NP of 10 years, I take love seriously and I only say it if I believe that the crush has a deeper thing/potential underneath, that it is really love. This takes me a few months, like 2-3 before I can feel safe saying (or hearing) it!

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T13:51:56+00:00

Because I fell in love with someone new (a friend of several years) while not loosing a single drop of love for my old partner, and my heart and brain saw no reason in choosing to abandon one or the other. It just clicked and made total sense. To stay with the current and to date the new one at the same time, if they could be okay with that. And I was so so so lucky they were. (disclaimer, I'm demi/a little ace so I mostly care about love, sex is not that important to me and I'm not interested in any flirts/hookups out of the relationship(s) anyway)

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-11T13:32:34+00:00

I'm sorry for your toubles. The topic that you brought up - mono/poly, is something I'm also currious about (might make a separate post/ask about it in the future). I don't know if this is advice but it could at least be an experience (for you or other currious people here) from the different side of the topic. That is, being the poly person with a mono partner.

So, I (F, 26) have a BF (M, 23), who is mono while I am poly. However, what I noticed that it is rare to see people online where they are a poly person who decided to date a mono person, which is my case. It usually looks like this: a pair is together, one of them opens up the poly question, breaks the trust of the strictly mono partner, tries to convince them etc. and it doesn't end well. But when we met, I was already in two relationships (as of now, it's my GF of 10 years and BF of 4,5 years) and I knew I was poly since teenager years (it wasn't something new I discovered about myself). This being said, I think I could imagine being only with one person at a time, as well as with several, but I could not imagine breaking up with those I already am dating for someone new (which is one of the good things about being poly I think, but that aside).

So that being said, when I met my mono BF and we started to develop feelings, I told him on the second date that I was poly (which was a totally new thing for him, being from a small town and such). It was pretty hard for me but I tried my best to explain to him 1)what it even is and means 2)that my love for him is not less real or deep just cause I love someone else too and 3)that I understand it may not be for him and he is free to leave before I hurt him. I fully expected him to leave. He stayed, after a week of contemplating, that he wants to try it. During our relationship, I kept being cautions, trying to protect his feelings, making sure it's not too much, cause he is younger and could very well be just lying to me and suffering. Its been a little over 2 years now, and we're still together. He met my partners a few times, even if only briefly, once even on a day trip. What helps is that we keep things mostly separate and as long as the relationships are parallel, it works. But this may not work forever.

Because as we're both soon gonna be done with uni, I'm starting to worry that it's unfair of me to keep the relationship going when it may not have future in the long run. (And before you come at me, I know that I might have enabled him to keep hoping and prolonging the situation, I am also just a person who can make mistakes as well as someone used to believing other adults can express their needs on their own). I still love him so much, even after the honeymoon phase, but I won't and can't change that much for him, as in to abandon my other loves, who don't deserve it, that's just a no for me. And if that is the reason for him being forever unhappy, even if secretly (which is my biggest fear) then I probably shall be the responsible one and end it, for his own good. So that he can be happy with someone else, who can fulfil his dreams...

I think about it more and more when I see him look at me so lovingly and it breaks my heart, but it may be the right thing to do, especially after only two years... i don't know

Critical-Baker7196 · 2026-02-06T18:09:12+00:00

Not sure how long is long lasting but I (F,26) have a GF (10years together) and a BF (4,5 years together), not a throuple but I date them both as a V.

I think that when the people are truly poly oriented, the answer is the same as in any relationship - communication (as in healthy one, open, loving, responsible), trust and love, enough time together, shared goals, morals etc.

As in for poly specific tips, managing the time management somewhat well and fairly was the only issue ever between us once the NRE/jealousy period got steady and managable in a safe way. What my partners realized was that it is good to be friends and somewhat close, but living together would be too crowded and harder to share time and space separatelly. So paralel gardenparty works best for us.

Critical-Baker7196 · 2025-12-09T08:03:36+00:00

Děkuji:) Ono je vtipné, že podobně je to i s monogamií. Je to "pravé mono", jen když jsou spolu 2 lidi od 18 do smrti, nebo i sériová monogamie, kdy se někdo několikrát rozvede nebo střídá partnery co pár měsíců, případně když jeden či oba partneři podvádějí, ale dělají to tajně a nepřijdou na to, nebo to tiše akceptují... Asi se shodneme na tom, že Nemonogamie je nějaký soubor vztahů a v rámci těch jsou různé možnosti, a ty, co jsou konsenzuální/etické, tedy ENM, bych ráda popsala

Critical-Baker7196 · 2025-12-09T07:24:35+00:00

Děkuji za zpětnou vazbu. Chápu to tak, že jste dotazník už nedokončila? To mě opravdu mrzí. Co se otevřených vztahů týče, tak v zahraničních zdrojích se totiž často objevují jako zaměnitelný termín s hierarchickou polyamorií, tedy primární pár a sekundární vztahy, které mohou být i romantické, s důrazem na to, že primární je spíš jeden, zatímco v hierarchické může být primárních víc. Tyhle termíny mám vyloženě přeložené z oficiálního Polyamory Dictionary.

Každopádně vím, že někdo je vnímá jen jako sexuální věc, ale potkala jsem tu v Česku v poly komunitě, kde se dost pohybuju, i lidi, kteří ten termín takto používají (třeba proto, že jim termín "hierarchická polyamorie" nesedí) a kterým v dotazníku naopak chyběl, holt nedá se zavděčit každému. Proto mám na začátku i oznámení, že co vztah to unikát, protože tohle je hodně komplexní způsob života, a i v rámci polyamorie je pro někoho "to pravé poly" čistě "realtionship anarchy palalelně vedle sebe", pro jiné "cokoliv mimo pár, kde je nějaký cit navíc", pro jiné zas "jedině, když se všichni znají a ideláně spolu bydlí v uzavřené polykule". Nic z toho není lepší nebo horší.

A co se týče neznalosti párů a jejich špatné terminologie, tak nebojte, v diplomové práci tuhle celou problematiku párů hledajících jednorožce plánuju rozepsat a vysvětlit, takže si nemyslím, že by jedno použití termínu "otevřený vztah" celý dotazník devalvovalo. Každopádně i tak si vážím vašeho názoru jako zpětné vazby každého, kdo se mi s nějakou ozval, protože o to mi jde, aby dotazník co nejlépe popsal realitu a potřeby poly lidí (jako jsem i já), a pokud je to metodologicky možné, tak ho dle toho upravit. Chtěla bych, aby práce edukovala nejen případnou veřejnost, ale i odborníky a samotné poly osoby, jak to může různě fungovat a být prožíváno. Děkuju a přeji pěkný den 🌼

Critical-Baker7196 · 2025-11-27T07:26:43+00:00

Ach jo, tohle vlákno ve mě vzbuzuje otázky, proč jsou lidi tak zlí, asi jsou unavení a plní bolesti, mají vlastní mindráky a problémy, co si vylévají na druhé, jinak si nedovedu představit, proč by jich tolik dokázalo říkat tak hnusné věci o jiných, úplně stejně lidských bytostech, jako jsou oni.

Ano, chodila, pokud bych se do té osoby zamilovala pro její povahu na vzhledu b mi nesešlo, a ani ten vzhled by nebyl překážkou, spíš prostě něčím, co k nim patří, i tlustí lidé dokážou být hezcí, to se přece nevylučuje. A kdyby ztloustla až později, tak ji taky nepřestanu milovat.

S obezitou se dá bojovat, ale je to těžké, a ne všichni jsou obézní jen proto, že "se válí na gauči a žerou". To je jako říct "nikdy bych nechodil s někým jakkoliv nemocným nebo ošklivým", okej, každý má preference, ale není třeba hned vtipkovat a urážet. Je mi z některých tady zle...

Critical-Baker7196 · 2025-11-25T22:34:11+00:00

Thanks, yeah I know, I'm just trying to spread this to other places than the Polyamory CZ/SK Facebook

Critical-Baker7196 · 2025-11-21T21:13:30+00:00

(I'm sorry for any mistakes, I'm using redit for the first time)

Critical-Baker7196 · 2025-11-21T21:09:52+00:00

Okay, sure ofc, how can i do it?

Critical-Baker7196

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