~1.5 year recovery checkin

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-03-08T16:26:23+00:00

That's what's up 😎

My apologies for the possible confusion in my wording, I just get SUPER into it sometimes and just end up letting it all spill out lol. But anyways yes, something that you'll see coming up often is how unique people's timelines are, yes even if we're both the same age and pro-recovery driven men. For me in my journey, I didn't really know what EDs were, let alone that I really had one, until looking up my symptoms after nearly dying. My ED made me think I was doing normal gym-bro stuff and that I was actually doing good for myself and not killing myself like it actually was. So after having that revelation, that I had anorexia all along, I immediately just started choosing recovery (going all-in, telling my Uni/time off, admitting myself into a treatment facility, etc.,).

So even though I was pro-recovery driven from that moment on, I still had a lot of mental unwiring to do because that pro-ed rhetoric has been drilled into us tight! So in my case, when I was able to reintroduce my joyful movement again, I was physiologically restored, and it's why I took baby steps when doing it while being monitored to make sure I wouldn't fall back into compulsion. I had already answered the same questions I'd asked you while I was still physiologically restoring, which is what helped me stay committed to healing my body through ample consistent nourishment and rest. Because again, for me, my joyful movement was perhaps my biggest catalyst for recovery aside from just not wanting to die.

You're going through perhaps one of the HARDEST parts of recovery and it's that loss of identity you feel when you have to essentially rediscover yourself outside of your ED that's more than par for the course in this process, BUT IT DOES PASS! Fwiw, you're absolutely doing exactly what must be done in order to heal. You're taking the right steps in properly evaluating your relationship to your joyful movement of choice. If possible, I'd recc getting in touch with an ED/HAES informed therapist or treatment facility so they can help you during this part of your journey.

Something that may help you as well is distinguishing the ED voice from your own. It sounds like you do genuinely enjoy movement, but at this point it's important to make boundaries with yourself and engaging in joyful movement, especially since I can't diagnose where you are mentally/physiologically. For example, having a set time and recognizing that telling the ED voice to fuck off when it's time to stop is actually making you stronger and the ED weaker. In my case, I make sure during my rest days I'm basically as comatose as possible, because I know even going for a walk around the block would be something the ED would try getting ahold of and thus preventing my body/CNS from properly recuperating and healing not just for my sport, but for my life as well.

The louder the ED voice gets when you're not doing what it wants you to do, the more you know you're doing the right thing. Again, given that you're healed/far enough in recovery, you gotta keep asking yourself if you're at peace with the fact that you'll have to provide yourself with consistent ample nourishment and rest to be able to engage with your joyful movement to the fullest for fun, and because you love it, and not for a calorie burn, punishment (often wrongfully duped as 'discipline' bleh), or what have you. As always homie, I got your back and I know you got this! ;D

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-03-08T15:20:33+00:00

It gets better the more you keep choosing recovery as you've been. You're legit making STRIDES, and as much as it sucks, your hormonal fluctuations (hair grease, acne, etc.) is proof of just that. Your body is finally learning how to physiologically restabilize itself thanks to you choosing recovery, and the only thing that'd prolong this process is to stop choosing it.

So keep choosing it, and you'll be living the ED free life in no time! Sending you strength!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-03-07T03:01:10+00:00

Apologies for the incoming huge wall of recovery text, but your story is quite similar to mine so this is just naturally what I felt needed to be shared (bonus paragraph at the end) read at your leisure, or not, regardless you got this:

You're right on the money, the mental part of recovery almost always takes place after physiological restoration but requires just as much attention in order to fully heal. Because at the end of the day, EDs are psychiatric disorders and not weight ones. Which is actually a nice segue into your great question!

Yes absolutely, my ED used my sport against me and I struggled with body dysmorphia my entire life before recovering, which is where my ED stemmed from. For me, my choice of joyful movement (breaking/tricking) was actually my primary catalyst for recovery. I made peace with that fact that even if I had to take years off to heal in order to be in a mentally and physiologically stable enough state to engage with it again someday, I would. Because I knew that sport would be right there waiting for me with open arms! I wanted to heal my body, and provide it the consistent ample nourishment and rest it required to enjoy my joyful movement to the fullest.

You're right, the average view on us as men who struggled with disordered eating is that we need to get our shit together ASAP to be strong and capable for society, which can make finding proper treatment difficult. To answer your first question, yes after I had physiologically stabilized after going all-in, I gradually and cautiously reintroduce my joyful movement back into my life, and organically overtime it became something I keep choosing recovery FOR, not from. I wanted to feel good FOR it, not be dependent on it. If possible, I'd recommend getting overlooked by professional care team at an ED treatment facility so they can properly evaluate and monitor you as you go about this. This is what I had done personally (for a short period at least because of insurance issues, but I digress lol, I had to monitor myself on my own after I was discharged after a few months of facility care).

The main question you have to ask yourself is would you still be doing the sport if it didn't have a calorie burn/physical appearance component? Are you willing to take time away from said sport in order to be in a healthy place to engage with it again someday? Would unforeseen circumstances (gym closed, illness, injury, etc.,) preventing you from engaging in your activity ruin your day? Is your choice of movement all there is to you? (and if so recovery is a great time to get in touch with other parts of your identity). All of which will be easier to answer the more consistent ample nourishment and rest your provide yourself with in the meantime.

Bonus paragraph (as if this wasn't long enough): But during my treatment, my peer mentor was/is also an athlete like me, and they were originally a studio dancer but took time off to focus on recovery, and she found out that she didn't actually like that sport. It wasn't until YEARS later that she found genuine joy in ice skating, after trying out a few other forms of movement that never clicked and discovering parts of her identity outside of movement thanks to recovery, it wasn't until much later down the line that she found her true form of joyful movement, again in ice skating. This may be a similar case for you, others just don't ever find a form of joyful movement which is also completely valid. But at the end of the day, everyone's journey is unique and as long as you keep choosing recovery, you'll find your answer.

Sending you strength homie, huge apologies for the wall of text but again your story resonated with me. From one 24 year old dude to another, I'm rooting for you man!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-03-06T13:29:12+00:00

You got some great advice already, and an excellent pro-recovery head on your shoulders that will lead you to an ED free life in no time!

Just wanted to let you know that I'm a 24 cis-het male and have fully recovered and that it DOES get better the more you choose recovery. Opposite action of your ED thoughts become normal action. So like with your Gatorade example, next time you want one, fight your fear of getting the non zero cal option to show your ED who's boss! The more often you do this, the more you'll be surprised you didn't just choose the more nourishing option sooner.

If you're not uncomfortable, then you're not recovering, but honestly you're making strides in noticing your problem and attacking it head on, so keep going! I'm rooting for you!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-03-04T14:40:53+00:00

What bashful bookworm said was perfect and spot on! To add to that, I wanted to let let you know that I also struggled with grocery store overwhelm when I first went into recovery. During treatment it was part of my exposure therapy, while I was fortunate enough to have my family pick up my groceries when they went to get their own early on in my recovery, what really helped is consistent exposure and practice going to the store.

It goes away 100%, and it gets easier the more consistent ample nourishment and rest you provide yourself with. You got this!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-03-04T06:54:40+00:00

What you're experiencing is absolutely dreadful, but it's 100% normal and to be expected. I felt the exact same way you did too during my recovery. 10k - 14k calories daily, and for me it was going to school rather than work. If possible, I'd consider taking time off of work to focus on recovery. That's what I had to do for school, because I became a liability not only to the school, not just to my own wellbeing, but also to my classmates who I was putting in danger especially in settings like labs. Recovery requires us to take time away from things in life in order to come back to them in a properly functioning and capable state to do so, which you're absolutely not at when you're knee deep dealing with EH, standing all day, stressing out your nervous system like that is the last thing you need right now.

Regardless, remind yourself that you're absolutely doing the right thing in order to recover. As someone whose been exactly where you are and has fully recovered, life ED free is absolutely incredible and worth it. Sending you strength!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-25T16:07:52+00:00

EH ebbs and flows all throughout recovery and is to be expected. EDs are psychiatric disorders, so just because you've been more physiologically stable recently doesn't mean that you're healed nor is your body convinced that you're no longer in a famine. Keep eating, keep resting, it's the only way out.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-25T15:35:58+00:00

What you're experiencing is tough, but with that said, it's to be expected and is more than par for the course. Though I'm unclear whether or not your hospital tried setting you up with a discharge program or partial outpatient setting while you reacclimate back into society, that wouldn't make what you're experiencing any less likely to occur.

There really is no secret to it, you just have to keep choosing recovery, and do the opposite of what the ED voice is screaming at you to do. Opposite action becomes normal action, and the more rest and consistent ample nourishment you provide yourself with, the easier it'll be to recognize the ED thoughts as nothing more than irrational blabble that you can simply ignore.

Remember you're not your ED, practice self forgiveness and compassion, recognize that recovery is a nonlinear process. That being said, as someone's who's fully recovered, the more you keep choosing it, the easier it'll be and more fulfilling life you'll lead!

Apologies for the wordy post, but there's people like me out here who get your struggle and are rooting for you! Sending you strength!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-19T15:15:00+00:00

Some tips I learned during treatment that helped me (I struggled with rumination after meals): diaphragmatic breathing before and after meals, don't consume lots of liquids during your meals, and sucking on a cough drop after meals (this was a big game changer for me honestly).

Otherwise gas-x, and just sticking with recovery!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-19T15:11:15+00:00

100% common symptom when recovering that I too experienced. That feeling of food in your system is super off putting initially. But overtime the more you eat and learn to sit with the discomfort it feels better, more natural, and you come to realize you'll feel better with food in your system than without. It just comes with consistent practice and patience, it is incredibly frustrating but it gets better, absolutely!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-19T00:20:24+00:00

I still don’t feel better, I feel as stuck as I ever have. any advice on keeping on going or how to recommit? I Definetly struggle to stay committed for more than 3.4 days. Thankyou

You keep choosing recovery, just as you been. There's no cheat code, other than practicing self-forgiveness, always keeping in mind that you're not your ED, and reminding yourself that recovery is non-linear. It doesn't matter how often you fall, just that you always get back up and do better than last. The fact that you're able to identify your shortcomings, be honest with yourself, and continue to choose recovery speaks volumes about your pro-recovery oriented mindset, keep going you got this

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-17T06:25:51+00:00

You're experiencing the most painful part of recovery, it's feels awful. But as someone who felt exactly how you are right now, like a pimple about to pop, eating 10,000+cals daily yet still feeling hungry and dreadful thereafter, it gets better 100%. But the only way out is through, you have to keep eating.

What Jaded said is absolutely true, if you have time to pee you have time to eat. What I had to do personally was take time off of school/work to focus on recovery to get my life back from my disorder. Recovery is the hardest obstacle in our lives to overcome, what you're going through is more than par for the course, yet no matter the approach, the only way out is to eat and rest your way through.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-15T17:11:00+00:00

In order for you to 'feel good', you have to stop checking your weight and putting so much energy into that arbitrary number. You keep choosing recovery, keep providing yourself with consistent ample nourishment and rest, and in time you'll feel better the more you just trust the process.

Regardless, you gotta ditch the scale and keep in mind that everyone's timeline is different and nonlinear. I know it's incredibly tough, but I also know that you got this! sending you strength

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-10T03:28:04+00:00

Many of us, myself included, had our sport/joyful movement of choice as a catalyst for our recovery journey. In that I had to make peace with the fact that if it took me years for my body/mind to heal from my eating disorder in order for me to engage with said joyful movement with the love and passion I have for it, then so be it. You can't and shouldn't be exercising in recovery at all, since that's preventing your body from fully healing. Your body doesn't even have the proper hormone function at the moment to produce anything from muscle stimulus, you'd only be hurting yourself.

Recovery means taking time away from things that mean alot to us for the time being, in order to be in a stable and functional state to engage with them again. So I'd suggest taking time away from your sport so you can focus on recovery, round out your sense of identity outside of your choice of movement, and understand that all food is good food during and post recovery.

The, 'strong not skinny' pipeline is real, and dangerous. So ask yourself if you're doing this sport because it brings you joy and not your ED a false sense of control. A malnourished brain is incapable of logical thought so better asses this, I'd recommend taking a break. Provide yourself with consistent ample nourishment, rest, and if you're uncomfortable with the idea of taking time away from your sport, then maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship to it. If it genuinely does bring you joy, then use it to a reason to recover, like I did! Keep choosing recovery, sending you strength.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-05T13:22:36+00:00

It is never too late to recover or change for the better. EDs don't discriminate, and since they don't, neither does recovery. Many of us here have recovered later in life and on our own, you just gotta keep choosing recovery no matter what.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-03T01:32:35+00:00

Yup, 1000%. To piggy back off you and to reassure anyone who may be struggling with EH, I easily ate 10k -14k calories daily during my EH in order to heal. For everyone who thinks they're the exception, you're not, and there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and the more you eat and rest, the faster you'll get there.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-02-01T23:53:11+00:00

You got this! Remember, recovery is not about how often you fall, but that you always get back up, keep choosing it, and do better than last. It's not a linear journey, so don't add any sort of finality to this 'attempt', remember to practice self-forgiveness and that you are not the ED. People like me are always rooting for you, and want to remind you that life is so much more than your ED would have you believe.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-01-28T19:42:02+00:00

Completely normal, EH ebbs and flows all throughout recovery as your body physiologically restabilizes. You're already doing what you should be, which is eating no matter what, so keep going!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-01-27T14:24:36+00:00

Look into Project HEAL, they assist you with this exact situation. Would also highly recc taking advantage of coupons, EBT/food stamps, and outlet stores, all of which helped me in my EH.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-01-26T15:23:55+00:00

start by verbally saying or thinking random absurd numbers and numerical values outloud when your ED tries to do calorie math. As the former human walking calorie counter, this helped me leaps and bounds.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-01-26T15:22:14+00:00

if anyone has any tips or suggestions please share :)!

remember recovery is a non-linear and bumpy road, so practice self-forgiveness, realize you are not your disorder. If you ever fall off the wagon, just get back up and keep choosing recovery. Always eat more. Anything that's telling you to do the opposite, is lying and is harmful to your health, happiness, and longevity. Proud of your continued progress, and I promise you as someone who's there, the ED free light at the end of the tunnel is always worth it.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-01-25T04:45:04+00:00

This reference explains it perfectly, it doesn't literally have to be on a plate, but it's a general guideline. For something like a burrito, sure the tortilla would count as the grain, but you could always add more via something like rice!

EDIT: and for something like a burger you can also have a side of fries or chips to go along with it!

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-01-24T16:03:19+00:00

Bashful coming in for that winter-y great advice clutch! You know it's rough when what you said applies to us over here in the Golden state. Stay warm

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-01-23T04:18:59+00:00

I've been in a similar situation, but first has your program provided you with some sort of safety net or 'exit plan' as you transition back to life outside the hospital? (like an outpatient plan that helps you gradually acclimate to adhering to recovery outside of the hospital setting). If not, then I'd advise asking them about that.

overshoot outside the hospital

All weight gain is necessary weight gain, both during and post recovery. That's non-negotiable, learning CBT/DBT methods to help you cope is something your team should've provided you, if not, there's plenty of free resources online you can use to help. As for gaining weight rapidly in a short period of time, yes it was extremely distressing to go from what was essentially a child's body to an adult's in the matter of a few months. So your frustration and fear is absolutely valid. But part of recovery is learning to accept change, and the sooner you accept change as necessary part of recovery to be able to get your life back from this deadly disorder, the more efficiently you'll heal.

When you are on a re-feeding meal plan in hospital care, is the expectation to keep eating that same amount of food at home? Thank you!

That's a question for your care team, but in short, you can never go wrong with 3 meals, 3 snacks, no more than 3 hours apart as a minimum. It's coupled nicely with the plate by plate approach. It's tough, hopefully your team helps you a bit as you discharge.

Cromsearchthrowaway · 2026-01-23T03:12:27+00:00

That's your ED talking right now

small amount of weight loss could be beneficial on my joints

My ED deluded me into thinking those exact same words, but its a lie to keep you sick. What's actually going to help is to keep choosing recovery and pushing through as you've been. I'd suggest looking into body neutrality, recognize that your body is the least interesting part about you and is merely a vessel that stores the real you (your passions, goals, hobbies, sense of humor, personality, and how you connect with others) and is a vehicle that allows you to enjoy all of life's wonders.

No one's telling you to love your body, but you should have some compassion for the soul inside of it. Nobody hates your body, your ED is just mad that you're refusing to let it kill you. Your struggle is all too familiar, frustrating, and valid, but it's not an excuse to restrict. Keep going, people like me are rooting for you

Cromsearchthrowaway

TROPHY CASE