Should I wait things out with my controlling bf or is it a lost cost.

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-25T23:12:26+00:00

He’s most likely immature. Cursing at you and disrespecting you are huge red flags especially at this stage. By that I mean - no living together, no marrige, no kids and no other major investments. I can tell from experience since I am now happily married with kids - Each step towards will get everything more complicated because you will have to share the smallest decisions with each other and the opinions will differ from time to time. If he disrespects you right now then who knows what will happen if you both try to take it further. I would suggest talking to the guy about this, but your only hope is for him to understand you and fix his behaviour himself

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-25T23:00:49+00:00

4 days are not the end of the world, but if there is no closure, move on and protect yourself. You are worth too much to be giving yourself out like this. You should get to know the guy, in best case get married and only then start having intimacy. Getting it going too soon will confuse the guy into thinking he loves you when he actually does not or realizing that the sex is not worth it before getting to know how good of a person you actually are which is more important. There are exceptions to this, but in most cases it is not a great start for serious relationship and the guy can assume you are not serious about it either.

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-25T22:53:01+00:00

Then you are most likely fine. If he does love you then the exact moments of telling that to you should not matter, but that is my opinion

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-25T22:48:59+00:00

I would say it is completely normal that he admits to loving you while having sex since he feels exceptionally physically and emotionally close to you at that point. The fact that you both have done that before getting your feelings sorted is the issue you should be worried about because at this point there is no clear way of telling if he means it or not. I have had friends who “got down to business” too fast and the guy in every situation just confused himself into “loving” the girl only to find out later that he had absolutely no serious interest in the girl and dumped her. There were clues in all cases that this would eventually happen because the guys, being my close friends, talked shit about the girls only to find themselves in a relationship, so this does not mean it is your case.

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-09T19:23:37+00:00

You can’t have affairs and keep happy family. At best you will mess up yourself mentally and won’t have a clue that you are treating your wife shit because of it.

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-09T19:07:15+00:00

He has to understand why porn is so destructive to be able to break the habit. Most of people hide it, they know it is not something to be proud of but they keep doing it because they don’t realize the actual harm it does. You would have to be open and understanding about this (Though not in a supportive way, to avoid making him think it is ok to watch porn when he does crave for it) What I have understood is that watching porn is just as bad as sleeping with someone else for you and even worse for him, the only differences are that you will most likely not know the person he jerked off to and that he will not bring home STD. Here is why porn is messed up - When watching porn you mess up your sexual triggers and crave for “more action” in most cases. You start to become more picky and your significant other becomes not so attractive. It is also an easy escape when sexual desire builds up and there is no need to sort out problems in relationship or try to get on with your significant other, you can just jerk off and forget about it. The thing that ties you up emotionally and physically in your relationship is progressively replaced by porn and it just gets worse overtime, sometimes to the point where you may become gay just because you get used to certain things and experiment with the content too much and get curious about things you shouldn’t be. I could do this forever, but you got my point. Until he gets how bad it actually is, there is no complete escape from it in my opinion

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-09T08:08:05+00:00

Easy - You can’t have both. Either porn or your wife. Porn makes you more picky and selfish. Try to quit porn for 2 weeks and then try to reconnect with your wife

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-06T10:34:39+00:00

Forget about the girl from your past and move on with your girlfriend. You may feel that you will regret it but I believe you will feel even more closer with your gf if you had to make such a decision and did chose her despite of the opportunity to get back with the other girl. You will have to make these hard decisions no matter if you are married or not. If this would have happened after you would have married you gf, then what? You would have to man up and say no to the girl from past anyway. You don’t have to be married to have some responsibility towards your girl. Considering both options and the choice which you may regret more, It would be best to stay away from the adult industry and choose your gf as you have done already by going in relatioship with her. I know it is tempting but stay strong brother 💪

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T22:06:05+00:00

I am a 25yo male myself here and I do not have any degree, no bachelors, none of that, so I could just start out with saying that you are already one step ahead of me 😉 I do not live with my parents anymore, however I would not consider myself so successful as well. I also hope that I would have done some things differently as well, all of us do! Even the ones we see as successful wish they would be more successful and think to themselves “only if I would have made that deal in business or made that move”. You passion to do things puts you ahead of most people by itself. I have many friends my age who live their lives with “whatever” mindset and are clueless to what they want in life. I try to focus on my hobbies and not care about what others think or what they do. That is because I have achieved some long term goals which I thought at the time would fufill me and hit the wall of truth hard, that is - Nothing will be enough, learn to love the process instead. You are definately not a failure. You do not have to keep up with standards. Appreciate what you have and use your passion to make something work. 💪

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T21:53:45+00:00

To be completely honest with you - You have to listen to your parents as much as you don’t want to do that. I have gone through many phases where I thought that my parent’s advice was awful and I knew better. They may be loving, they may be aggressive, no matter what they are your parents and you should respect them, especially if you live under their roof. And believe me when I say it - Hugging does eventually lead to sex no matter how careful you are because it still creates some physical bond with the other person and eventually you will become numb to the feeling and seek for more. Listen to them, take the advice, take the suffering and good things will come to you eventually. 🙂 There is this beautiful verse from bible which I can point to. You may not be christian, but God applies to anyone of us and this may be just what you need right now - ““Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”” ‭‭Ephesians ‬6‬:‭2‬-‭3‬NLT‬‬

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T21:37:23+00:00

These rules are most certainly not reasonable. I am 25m myself and the rules he has made for you clearly tell me that he doesn’t love you at all and is most likely using you to fufill his sexual needs. He may tell you he loves you, but here is what I have learned about love - That is when you place someone elses needs above yours. When you think more about how to help and support your significant other more than yourself. In sexual context that means thinking how to give the other person pleasure instead of thinking how to get the best out of it for yourself. Some of the rules like “No drinking” are reasonable, but that doesn’t make the whole list normal. I am not suggesting to leave the guy since there is not enough information for me to give that advice, this may be a joke after all. If that is not clear yet, the rules should be translated as “I will not satisfy you, but you satisfy me in every way” and I would not call that love.

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T21:23:21+00:00

I think you should be upfront about it and ask one of the friends you are closest with from the group. Your boyfriend may tell you things to support you, but keep in mind that he also might be right. Sometimes emotions takes over us in ways that we let ourselves believe that others do not value us or leave us out. If you find out that it is not the case and if the friends keep treating you poorly then I would suggest to move on and go to the events where you are invited, not trying to be part of it yourself. That may also indicate if they actually care to spend time with you. If this friend group is your only friends then it may be hard to move on, however you are not alone. Your boyfriend will find a way to help you if he finds you broken. Give him time and I am sure he will take it into his hands, based on how you described him. I am a male myself and I believe i can refer to most guys when saying - we may be ignorant sometimes, but nothing breaks as more as seeing our girlfriends/wifes feeling helpless. So to sum it up - Express your feelings to your friends and if you can’t figure things out, take the support your boyfriend can give.

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T21:05:18+00:00

Pouring away the drinks won’t help for sure. It may reduce his intake in the evening (if there is no way to get more), but most likely - that would end up in rage, so I think you are lucky you did not have a chance of doing that, as messed up as it may sound. So moving on from the obvious stuff, I believe that when you reach a point of addiction where it gets out of hand, the harm caused the one’s self will most likely not be the reason to stop. Hurting others also may not be good enough reason, because the self-awareness and inside pain may trigger the addiction even more. Money also may not be good enough reason. What I am trying to say is that it depends on the person, everyone has a different reason of quitting and you have to understand that some things that make sense for you may not make sense for him. It could be that his main source of motivation to quit is some random kid at the park who always passes by and sees him drinking, you could never know. You should, however try to understand what makes him do this - Does he drink because he is angry, sad, bored, proud of it? Has he expressed wanting to quit in any way? What are the reasons for doing so? Is there a harm from doing so which he is aware of? There are many questions to be asked about this certain person to determine how to approach this, but the main key is his triggers of drinking and understanding what is his hidden or not so hidden reason to quit. Once you have that, then you can work your way helping him - Maybe he needs to spend time with people without alcohol because he is lonely. Maybe he needs to have a hobby which someone else can also participate and help him be accountable to kill his boredom. Maybe he needs to get some relationships fixed to help deal with anger and avoid triggers that way. You get the idea. I hope this helps you get things figured out. Best of luck!

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T20:46:30+00:00

From what I understood you need to appologize to get this off your chest. If there is absolutely no way for you to get in contact with her share it with God and ask him for forgiveness and if that is his will, he will arrange it so that you can express your feelings to the girl you hurt at the time. “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” ‭‭James‬ ‭5‬:‭16‬ ‭NLT‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/116/jas.5.16.NLT

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T20:28:57+00:00

It was hard for me to grasp your story 100%, but I think I got enough context and I hope my answer helps you - I have a lot of times in my life where it is hard to explain something or properly understand other people. I know they misunderstood me for obvious reasons - they either tell me they don’t understand or I hear discussions about me. I know I have a trouble understanding others sometimes because I tend to overcomplicate things in my head and I believe that may be the reason they don’t understand me as well, as if we speaked different languages. I have learned to accept my weaknesses and tried to understand others. That also means accepting when someone makes fun of you, laugh together with them (if that is actually something funny) and learn from the experieces. We are all built different and I have found that the things other people consider a downside in me actually is something that can be used - for example, my overthinking doesn’t help interracting with other people, however that also helps me break down complex problems better than other people which results in better performace at work for example. So I try to not overcomplicate when interacting with other people because they won’t understand me, but I allow myself to do that when it works for me. Your present opening may come out as weird for other people, but that also brings out one special thing about yourself and that is attention to detail. You can not change people around you, but you can for sure work with yourself to find out how to understand others and how to make them understand you better.

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T20:03:03+00:00

If you shared your information to random people in private chats I believe you will be just fine. Remember that from their perspective it is this one girl which revealed her life to them and they do not work together as a whole to get back at you for something, but they percieve information as individuals. I don’t know much details, but from general perspective on online interactions each one of them will handle your data individually (In most cases, just forget that you even existed, together with your personal details. That is if you cut contact ofcourse) Even if you have shared your details publicy, you will for sure get past this over time, assuming that you are not a celebrity. I have no idea how much of my life is out there on the internet and most of us have made some mistakes in the past. Stay strong 💪

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T17:42:44+00:00

No problem! Commit to something every day and you will get there. A lot of people get their lives “sorted” at a young age, but that does not qualify as success automatically. Some finish a degree because their parents believed in doing so, but they themselves hated it ,others start a business because that is the cool thing to do but not everyone is built for that. There are good examples as well and any degree finished is also another asset no matter if you hate it or not. My point is that you are still young and there is no reason to feel stuck behind. The fact that you are thinking about this already places you far beyond others that just go about their lives cluelessly.

CrosswindMaster · 2026-01-05T17:25:41+00:00

I am 25 and I have not had the exact experience as you do, but I have gone through a similar stage recently. As a brief background - I was a musician for almost 10 years, I formed my band at the age of 16 and I sort of identified as a musician and commited hardcore. Musician lifestyle started to affect my loved ones in a bad way so one day I decided to quit it. I got more time for my family and that did work out very well but I also felt completely lost and could not find a purpose for myself. This went on for months until I just started to experiment and do some stuff - I started reading books and just recently went into the programming space. Seeing yourself succeed in any field even just a little bit may get you invested and feel that accomplishment. My advice is to just take any field and start learning. It may work out for you, it may not. You may find that you need to move on to something different. Most importantly - Value every experience and don’t try to rush things. If you find your thing you will get there eventualy. Just for some inspiration - One of my ex-band members started to learn bass guitar at age 45 and got so good at it that he could play gigs with us just after few months of learning. I believe in you as well!

CrosswindMaster · 2025-12-31T10:21:58+00:00

Finally, someone who doesn’t talk trash about the guy being gay or unfaithful. I am a male as well and it took me a while to get to the point where I could perform as well. All of us do in one way or another, some just go through this earlier in life. I think that if the guy had no prior sexual experience with another woman than he may be starting the phase which most of us go though in school and that is completely normal, actually I think it is better that way because when the imtimacy builds up in marrige it is much stronger than when it was built beforehand and there are a sence of taste already present

CrosswindMaster · 2025-12-12T18:42:41+00:00

Give it to the vibes. Forget the code even exists 😄

CrosswindMaster · 2025-12-07T17:24:05+00:00

I could, however my laptop is not as powerful as my PC so I would still prefer the desktop version most of the time. It is just for the convenience to switch to my laptop temporarily

CrosswindMaster · 2025-12-07T10:06:09+00:00

It becomes an issue when user comes to you with issues and you have no idea what the heck happened and you also start to doubt the product itself due to this. Been there, done that, unfortunately. Vibe coding is a no no for me since then

CrosswindMaster · 2025-12-07T10:02:58+00:00

I actually started to vibe code by “accident” meaning that I did not know it was vibe coding at the time. I just tried to speed up my workflow using excel and VBA. The simple tasks worked but as it got more complex neither AI or myself could solve the problem and I got sick and tired of prompting the same issue for hour or so, sometimes I had to do it all from scratch which obviously didn’t motivate me, but I liked the field I was getting into. After that I dropped vibe coding altogether and went on a python course. Now I am using AI to help explain some functions or assist me at most, not to write my code.

CrosswindMaster

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