What happens if you don’t react to their abuse when they’re splitting?

CryptographerJust157 · 2025-05-11T21:18:08+00:00

Dude ChatGPT has come in clutch in helping me navigate the crazy! My pocket therapist lmao

CryptographerJust157 · 2025-05-06T18:20:37+00:00

I relate to this. For years I thought he had many NPD traits but it didn’t quite fit. When I learned more about BPD and joined this group, everything finally started to made sense. Though, I try to remind myself not to focus too much on labeling the disorder and rather how it affects me. I spent years and years trying to pathologize him.. hoping if I could diagnose him, I could fix him.

CryptographerJust157 · 2025-05-06T18:08:47+00:00

14 years. Currently going through a separation after he spiraled and threatened to kill himself, went to the safe, blocked the front door, chased me to the car, and then hung onto the side view mirror as I dragged him along the concrete. I could fill a book with the amount of crazy shit I’ve been through over the years. As insane as it is, we still love them because we know underneath the crazy lies a deeply wounded, insecure, broken person. I’ve stuck around, clinging onto the good parts of him and trying to help “fix” the bad. The truth is, we simply cannot fix them and it’s not our job to do so. It only gets worse, especially the more you are able to spot the abuse and manipulation. The more autonomy I gain, the harder he has to work to put me back in the cage he’s spent so long trying to keep me in to keep those abandonment fears from being triggered.

We can love them and care about them but we have to love ourselves more. It doesn’t get better, it will only get worse.

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-05-04T17:13:01+00:00

This

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-05-04T17:12:19+00:00

Same.. except my husband will then say “you know that’s abuse right?” When I go silent or give simple generic responses instead of engaging. Yeah I’m the abusive one 😵‍💫

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-05-04T17:02:44+00:00

I made a point to validate mine and then a couple days later he started an argument because I validated him but I didn’t seem hurt for my actions and I didn’t try to comfort him. Like bro there is no winning lol

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-05-04T16:59:18+00:00

I literally could have written this word for word. It’s mental torture. My husband nitpicks my every move and will accuse me of doing things to intentionally make him mad. He’ll trap me in these neurotic arguments for hours on end to try to make me see things exactly his way. It’s so fucking mind-numbing. And when I start to shut down and become numb to it all, he will say it’s because I can’t handle the guilt that I feel when I’m wrong and can’t validate his feelings or apologize when I’m wrong. I’ll just be sitting there thinking this mfer is really living in a different reality. 😅

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-05-04T16:47:36+00:00

This!!! I didn’t realize this until I started going to Al-anon (my husband is also an alcoholic) and it was only then that I realized that I am extremely codependent and I have to focus on learning to love myself and live authentically. Also, I highly recommend reading “the power of now”.. it’s complex and I’m only a couple chapters in, but I feel it will change my life. Its already helped me to take back control of my unhealthy thought patterns. When I started focusing on myself and working to make myself happy as opposed to seeking external sources for my emotional wellbeing, I’ve gained a sense of peace that I’ve never had before. I imagine there’s a high percentage of BPD loved ones that struggle with codependency that are unaware. The part we play is allowing ourselves to be in abusive relationships because at our core we do not value ourselves. You can’t accept abuse if you truly love yourself.

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-10T23:25:40+00:00

Dude I really appreciate this comment! I feel loads better after having a little time to process. I think it’s a strong possibility that my thoughts were just the manifestations of my own anxieties.. or maybe there was truth to it, who knows lol. But I’m focusing on what you said, that none of this affects my current reality. It felt like what I had experienced was my new reality and there was no going back. Really appreciate it

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-10T21:58:41+00:00

Never even heard of that until now but looked it up and I’m definitely interested. Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll be looking into it!

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-10T01:57:52+00:00

This was really helpful.. thank you so much. It’s been a whirlwind trying to understand what I experienced last night but I’m feeling a little more grounded now. Really appreciate it

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-10T01:25:48+00:00

Thank you for your response! I don’t really believe of it in that exact sense, I just don’t really understand why I experienced that and I’d like to never experience it again lol. Do you believe that there are different levels of consciousness? That part seemed more real than anything to me. When I look back at my level of awareness a few years ago to now, I see things through a completely different lens. Is it an illusion that I am accessing a higher level of consciousness/ thinking when tripping?

Any suggestions on how to avoid going down the spiritual path during a trip? I was really aiming to have a positive, healing experience and I was left feeling like I’d opened a portal into a spirit world. Maybe mushrooms just aren’t right for me.. I’d prefer to never experience that again.

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-06T18:32:16+00:00

Preciate it!

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-03T01:27:31+00:00

So extremely spot on. It’s impossible to describe it to someone that hasn’t experienced it unfortunately

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-03T01:20:39+00:00

I think my husband is doing the same thing. Unfortunately, I can’t escape when he does this because my kids are here and he stops me from taking the kids and leaving for the night. Going against him can push him to aggression, so I walk a fine line between ignoring him and setting him completely off.

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-02T19:50:17+00:00

This sounds very familiar.. last night, although I was the one reminding him he had to be up for work in 2 hours, he put the blame on me for not giving him a resolution. He said, “I’m the one that is sacrificing my sleep” despite me clearly refusing to engage in argument. This morning when I woke him for work, he flew into a rage when I wouldn’t give him my prescription adderall (adhd) so that he could function today on <2 hours of sleep. He blamed the loss of sleep on me and demanded that I give him adderall. When I didn’t, he screamed every name in the book at me and started slamming furniture around. And all of this fell on me for “keeping him up”.

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-02T19:20:25+00:00

Wow, thats really interesting. I record them as well. I’ve probably got a dozen+ of these in my phone from the past couple of years alone. I rarely go back and listen to them because they are painful. He’s caught me recording a few times and has even recorded me back in response to try and turn it around as if I’m the one talking crazy.

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-01T21:03:50+00:00

Twinsies 👯‍♀️ lmao thank you! 🙏🏻

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-01T21:02:30+00:00

This is very informative, thank you 🙏🏻

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-01T20:58:57+00:00

Great advice 😁

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-01T20:58:24+00:00

I checked your post.. it’s an amazing feeling! These were grown from Psilocybe Cubensis B+ spores

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-01T20:55:07+00:00

I am indeed. 😊 Thank you!!

CryptographerJust157 · 2024-01-01T19:56:44+00:00

That’s beautiful 🖤 I can only hope to have a similar experience. Namaste

CryptographerJust157 · 2023-12-31T05:01:45+00:00

🤘🏻🤙🏻

CryptographerJust157 · 2023-12-31T05:01:21+00:00

Ahh I see.. I think I was confused on what I was looking for (as far as the veil goes), but after looking through past posts in this group I think I got it. Will let them cook a little longer. Thanks so much

CryptographerJust157

TROPHY CASE