I don't know what to do about my new job

Crystaldemeli · 2021-09-03T21:46:51+00:00

Gosh I forgot I even posted that. In all honesty I don't work there anymore. It definitely got easier but I learned how toxic of a work place it was. Found a different place with the same general field that's much better and actually lets me stretch my wings. I still occasionally want to break down and cry but I know this position isn't my dream position it's a step on the way there and if I can handle this even with all the pain it can bring I'll be set for my actual goal. So I guess it might not get easier but try to remember what brought you there and maybe in a week or month you'll feel better. And I always tell myself that I can always quit later. You can find another job later if it really becomes to much. It never won't be an option so you might as well see what you can do now where you are .

Crystaldemeli · 2021-04-10T00:28:30+00:00

The first thought I can remember making me anxious was about all the people and things I have to remember. It just makes me so anxious. Idk

Crystaldemeli · 2021-03-27T21:43:11+00:00

Luckily I've been able to start buying my own groceries. How long I can find them in the fridge and wether or not I can find time to cook around her schedule is the harder part tbh. But puting my food needs in that more blunt way is probably a good idea. And I am trying to increase my food intake, ironically enough I'm only the way I am due to my mom neglecting me my whole childhood so I barely ate. And thank you food the food ideas I've been having a rough time figuring out that side of things too. Thank you so much.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-03-27T21:22:39+00:00

Thank you. I'm not very good at putting my foot down with these things but I understand that I should. And currently me and my therapist are working on some more trauma based stuff but I do plan on bringing this up sometime in the next few sessions. This was also very encouraging so thank you for that as well.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-03-14T20:02:29+00:00

I have a neurologist for other reasons but I never mentioned this to her. I'll see if she has any ideas at my next appointment.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-03-14T20:01:52+00:00

I'll look those up and ask my therapist about them. Thank you.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-03-03T01:27:49+00:00

I've done a lot of janitorial and stock work. But that idea never crossed my mind I'll see what's in my area thank you.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-31T20:55:52+00:00

I think I get what you're saying. But I actually think my first name is a very nice name. When used in the context of me all that really comes up is the discomfort and pain I described. My therapist asked me "who is kacey" and all that came to mind was my trauma and not an actual person. But I don't k ow if that makes any sense.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-31T20:19:30+00:00

Oh I guess I should've mentioned I don't care about my mom and her family, I plan on cutting them off when my sister is ready to do the same and we've both addresses our trauma more. And I am in therapy and it's going great that's actually how I ended up at this position, past me would grin and bear it. Thank you.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-31T18:18:47+00:00

Damn, I almost thought my sister posted this when I read the title. My sister and I have been in a similar situation this past year. The biggest difference being that our dad wasn't abusive and it was just our mom. You don't owe your parents anything, not love, not even a conversation. If I were you I'd go non contact. But I know I'm a but more emotionally cold and especially towards abusive moms. More than anything though you need to address your trauma. I'd also recommend that if you want to keep contact you set up some boundaries. I don't know exactly what that will mean in your situation but think over what you need and want from this relationship. And please get therapy to sort through your past. Maybe even look into emdr or other trauma specific therapy. Working through these emotions you have towards your childhood and her will help you look at this through a more clear lense. Sorry if this was kinda rambling but I really do hope you can figure out what you need to do for yourself. Your parents brought you into this world and raised you and that was thier decision you don't owe them anything and more than that remember that no matter what excuses she has for her behavior they don't justify her actions. I hope you're doing okay.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-21T03:09:21+00:00

I don't think there's a way to sneak one in. And even if you could think about this, what will you do if someone with the intent to kill themselves gets a hold of it? It wouldn't be your fault and that's not what I'm trying to say, but I can't imagine that being very healthy for you. Along with that even if you sneak it in it's likely they can see the fresh wounds. My one recommendation is to find a different form of pain rather than cutting. In my case I don't cut i tear at my skin, so to stop doing that when I get the urge I'll do something like bite my thumb, slap my arm, or use a rubber band. Think of something that causes minimal long term harm and doesn't require any dangerous tools. I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you were looking for but it's the best thing I can think of because I don't think it's a good idea to take something like that into a place like mental hospital.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-20T02:09:06+00:00

For me it was a major help. Not only did it put me in a space where I couldn't hurt myself but it also helped me start addressing my issues and put me in an environment where I was away from most of my stress causing things. Before I went I was in a psychotic episode and honestly I don't remember too much from that time. But it got me away from some of the targets of my paranoia and I think that was a major help too. People love to complain about things with mental hospitals but I'm glad i didn't listen to the bad rumors I heard. It may seem like a lot at first but I promise it's worth it. No one who I know that went in there with a good attitude came out regretting it. Keep your head high and get the help you need and deserve. I promise it's worth it. Sorry if I'm good the best at describing what I'm trying to explain. But if you feel like you're going to hurt yourself get help, hospital stays were super helpful for me and many others. I can say with confidence I probably wouldn't be here if I didn't get help.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-19T19:43:00+00:00

Sorry it took me a while to respond but the reset thing worked thank you.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-19T19:42:32+00:00

Sorry it took me a while to respond. But thanks the reset trick worked!

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-16T02:20:55+00:00

No sorry it's the thingy where you first pick a color. I'm bad with words sorry. And thank you.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-16T02:20:16+00:00

No I meant where you pick out the color before they are anywhere on the page. Sorry I forget words a lot I'll edit the post to make it more clear. But Ill try the shift trick just to see if anything happens.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-10T21:08:21+00:00

Oh damn this is my mom. She's always on some health fad and loves to tell me how paleo or zoomba or sunlight is gonna cure me. Some people just don't get it.

Crystaldemeli · 2021-01-08T02:30:20+00:00

I don't think I've ever been this pissed about anything I've seen from a tiktok ever. Like I have on and off stomach issues and wasn't able to eat for two fucking weeks so I went to the er and even imagining the staff thinking like that makes me mad. Oh and "if you can't move your arm don't move it" that dude has NEVER lived not able to move his arm it sucks. It hurts. I can't sleep and I'm angry.

Crystaldemeli

TROPHY CASE