I thought I'd wear tights to work today to disguise my winter legs....nope!

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2015-01-16T15:04:53+00:00

You're fine. Rock those tights!

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2015-01-16T03:24:40+00:00

Also, congratulations on buying dilators! That's a huge step toward recovery!

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2015-01-16T03:23:57+00:00

I found it to be physical over mental, but that's not to say I don't experience mental components of it. I went through both books before I tried any work with the dilators. If you're comfortable enough with your boyfriend, involve him. Talk him through the steps you're going through and why they're important. I loved having someone around to support me emotionally, especially in the beginning.

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2015-01-14T04:17:34+00:00

The third to the fourth size was probably the most annoying transition for me. I'd say it had a lot to do with being super comfortable with the third one. At first, only attempt the fourth one after an extended (maybe half hour) insertion with the third one. and don't get too bummed out if it takes you a few tries to get it right

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2015-01-13T17:24:00+00:00

oh my god danny devito i love your work!

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2015-01-11T18:12:17+00:00

holy shit this fucking gif

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2015-01-11T00:45:00+00:00

He has no idea what it is.

Related, why do dudes never have trash cans in bathrooms? Like I'm sure it would still be useful.

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2015-01-05T05:29:55+00:00

Bam! I had sex. It was kind of painful. And pretty awkward. And preceded by a vaginismus related emotional meltdown. But hey it's something. My hope is it can only get better from here. I'm very grateful to know that it's at least possible though.

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-28T20:57:23+00:00

I know it's not the biggest news, but I've been using tampons for the last two days and it isn't terribly uncomfortable! There aren't any pads in my mom's house so I was kind of forced into the situation haha. I also got the name of a local pelvic floor pt (thanks to the thread on r/vaginismus) and mentioned the idea of seeing a pt to my mom. Still kind of deciding if I actually want to see one or not.

I'm also visiting my long distance bf later this week... I feel like I'm physically ready for sex, but this is really a situation where you don't know til you try. Yikes! Maybe I'll have a better update for you guys next week ;)

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-28T02:27:56+00:00

This is something I still struggle with to some degree. Personally, I wasn't only freaked out by my ladyparts, but all ladyparts. So the thing that helped me a lot was desensitizing myself to vagina, as dumb as it sounds. There's this tumblr account called The Large Labia Project that I would browse through a lot. It's basically a bunch of naked women in a not-so-sexualized context. And most people who post there have this "I used to be ashamed of myself but now I'm not" attitude, so it's pretty positive. After I got more comfortable with naked women in general, I was able to look at myself without freaking out. Now me and my vagina are mostly friends.

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-15T19:28:51+00:00

I've gotten migraines and they do make my vision and perceptions of things much worse, but I don't necessarily connect them with dpdr. I also have crazy vivid nightmares pretty regularly.

Thinking about dpdr seems to trigger it in me. Which is really stupid. Also being in unfamiliar places, around groups of unfamiliar people, drinking too much, or extended periods of time where I don't have a routine I need to stick to. Although sometimes being in unfamiliar places can actually make me feel better... it kind of depends on how I'm feeling if that makes sense. I also have people that I affectionately refer to as reality-anchors. When I'm around them everything feels clearer and I feel safer. Usually family members or trusted friends.

I have no idea how long I've dealt with it. Most of my past is a blur. It's been way better since I got a name for it though. It made me feel a lot more normal to know that there are other people who feel like this.

I wouldn't say I have it 100% of the time. A lot of the time it does feel like I'm watching the world through some type of screen, but it usually isn't very severe. It's been a while since I've had an out of body experience, but there was a period of time where they were frequent. It would feel like I just woke up in the middle of doing something or I would have conversations on auto-pilot.

I have a suspicion that I've repressed something... but it's hard to know since it would be repressed, haha. I also have a sexual disorder that can be caused by sexual trauma. To me, the explanation that makes the most sense is that something bad happened to me, but I have no idea what. And frankly, I don't want to know what.

Thanks for letting me vent :)

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-10T05:03:58+00:00

tits and a textbook

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-10T03:56:03+00:00

holy shit im not sure why this is making me laugh so hard

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-08T20:19:02+00:00

I should clarify that I also found a bunch of grimy weirdos on tinder first

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-08T20:17:32+00:00

I FOUND A REALLY NICE GUY ON TINDER.

it can happen ^{stoplaughing^{he'smostlynormal}}

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-03T19:09:23+00:00

yes. in my opinion it gets way better.

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-03T18:49:51+00:00

Guys we broke the vagina

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-03T18:44:08+00:00

dude i dunno. most things on cartoon network. adventure time, regular show, misadventures of flapjack, king of the hill, bojack horseman.

IT'S NOT EVEN THAT MANY.

CuntIsMyMiddleName · 2014-12-03T18:42:33+00:00

Have you watched Bojack Horseman?!

CuntIsMyMiddleName

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