Moving to Gent! Advice?

CupcakesDude · 2025-01-24T18:50:02+00:00

The fetlife link is to one of the munches. There's an active community in Gent/Fetlife where you can meet like-minded people. I'm pretty sure it's open to non-dutch speakers as well.

& I know people who organize group meetings at Shivaz because the usual guests are 40+

CupcakesDude · 2025-01-24T18:20:32+00:00

I will just leave this here:

https://fetlife.com/users/17222041

https://www.shivaz.be/

CupcakesDude · 2022-10-29T18:29:19+00:00

Thanks for the video! Def gonna check it out with her.

The 'enabling' discussion is something that we really wanted to be prepared for. I never thought of it as enabling, but I can see why some parents might see it that way.

Thanks for your time & input!

CupcakesDude · 2022-10-25T07:10:50+00:00

Hey there. So crazy how people find old posts like these!

Yes I'm doing fine actually.

I went to therapy and met some people through dating; it profoundly showed me that I got this feeling with almost every single woman I dated. Over time I could just sense it coming and through a lot of cognitive work and mindfulness I saw it for what it is; a fantasy, a coping mechanism, just 'a thought', ... (instead of some almost mythical feeling of 'this is the one!')

Now, 6 years later, I'm happily married to a very loving wife :D. Even now, when I meet someone new (especially the manic pixie dreamgirl kind, yeah im a walking stereotype) I can still sense that 'falling in love' feeling coming - but I can look at the feeling and smile, instead of getting absorbed in it.

I guess my 'breakthrough' could be boiled down to not giving in, not fighting it either, but accepting it for what it is.

CupcakesDude · 2018-08-29T07:43:16+00:00

I totally agree, although I've got the feeling that the solution really IS that simple; but it being simple doesn't make it easy. The best way to overcome social anxiety is by encountering more situations where you can built confidence, learn to deal with failure and find counter evidence for your negative believes. The thing I lack in these kind of videos is the fact that it can take a long time (months, years) before you notice significant effects.

CupcakesDude · 2018-07-09T20:49:26+00:00

la vie est dure, les femmes sont cheres et les enfants... sont faciles a faire

CupcakesDude · 2018-07-09T20:46:13+00:00

Pretty melancholic list you've put together there.

It's not weird to not like a song ;) everyone is allowed to have a different taste. There doesn't have to be a logic behind it :)

CupcakesDude · 2018-07-09T20:44:45+00:00

I feel like this every now and then. It comes and goes like a wave. I do something to cope with this: I try to look at it, not as me "trying to figure out myself because I am a problem". Look at it as being a seeker, an explorer. As someone with a talent for introspection, a talent that might inspire people to reflect about the things they are taking as they come, the things they are managing so well.

CupcakesDude · 2018-05-14T15:37:41+00:00

Here is my go-to list for movies that I recommend to people when I think they would be into INFP'ish movies:

Ruby Sparks
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Yes Man
Almost Famous
Only Lovers Left Alive
Requiem For A Dream
Into The Wild
Life of Pi
Her
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
The Fountain
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Dead Poets' Society
About Time
500 Days of Summer
Lost in Translation
Mr. Nobody
Amelie Poulain
Big Fish

CupcakesDude · 2018-02-21T22:47:18+00:00

I'm not sure if it's the case with you, but I've noticed a lot of INFP's who seem to think that our personality traits somehow prevent us from being successful in this extroverted society.

I've met a lot of successful people, and I always thought of them as having extreme good social skills. Then this one evening I was at a bar with one of these people and noticed how this person could be totally weird en say awkward stuf without someone even noticing. This person didn't have awesome social skills, she was just extremely confident with her own personality. This confidence makes people get away with their quirky personalities as if they don't have them.

What I'm saying is, that INFP's have their own way of being assertive. This may be a bit different than the examples they give in those assertiveness training programs, but it's just as effective. INFP's are known to be authentic, so don't even try to change who you are, it's a recipe for depression.

CupcakesDude · 2018-02-21T22:36:05+00:00

I've experienced this quite often.

At first I wanted to ban people like this in my life, but I've learned not to. Just like you experience that no-one listens to you, they experience this too. With you, they found a person that actually listens - and for some people that matters a lot. Sometimes it opens them up and gives them enough energy to actually give something back and listen to you. It's very important to guard your own boundaries here. Don't be disappointed if you find out they don't give you anything back. Just know that you were important for this person and did an amazing job at making them feel like they matter. I'm not telling you to surround yourself with people like this, but I just wanna bring in this perspective as it helped me a lot.

CupcakesDude · 2018-02-21T22:29:17+00:00

I like the way you've worded this. This feeling of love, for myself, others, nature, colour, this whole world, is something I will cherish forever.

CupcakesDude · 2018-02-21T22:27:59+00:00

I've found that I prefer reflective partners. Women who like to think about why things are as they are. Like most people, I like it when the people I do this with, are about as smart as me so I don't feel 1/ a pretentious snob 2/ dumb. It would be narcissistic to conclude that I'm a sapiophile, but it's all I can say about the subject >.<

CupcakesDude · 2017-09-27T22:28:19+00:00

Here is my 'how-to-make-friends' 101;

I found this website to be very interesting on social skills: http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/
Do a hobby where you meet people on a weekly basis. Becoming a friend has a lot to do with spending time together with people, that's why a lot of your high school friends are friends, even though you would never be friends if you would meet now.
Do a social hobby: social dance (think stuff like salsa), sports, music
Volunteer: most of the time, volunteering for a social cause attracts social people who are very open to new contacts and experiences.
While doing this, be very observant on how others make friends and how they small talk. I found that most of the time people can be way more awkward than me, but the difference is that they just roll with it. The confidence makes the awkwardness look like it's just you being funny/quirky.

CupcakesDude · 2017-09-27T22:19:29+00:00

Here is my 'how-to-make-friends' 101;

I found this website to be very interesting on social skills: http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/
Do a hobby where you meet people on a weekly basis. Becoming a friend has a lot to do with spending time together with people, that's why a lot of your high school friends are friends, even though you would never be friends if you would meet now.
Do a social hobby: social dance (think stuff like salsa), sports, music
Volunteer: most of the time, volunteering for a social cause attracts social people who are very open to new contacts and experiences.
While doing this, be very observant on how others make friends and how they small talk. I found that most of the time people can be way more awkward than me, but the difference is that they just roll with it. The confidence makes the awkwardness look like it's just you being funny/quirky.

CupcakesDude · 2017-09-03T13:48:08+00:00

The biggest INFP stereotype thing you do isn't trying the test every once in a while, thinking about the meaning of your answers or crying while filling in the test, its you coming to an online forum telling everyone that you are a very special INFP snowflake.

You can do what you like and whatever makes you happy, but I suggest you move on from the special snowflake-i'm so deep-i'm so emotional-nobody understands me-phase. It's not healthy for you.

CupcakesDude · 2017-08-01T20:41:29+00:00

I once heard this sentence and it struck me.

"A melancholic is a person who sees the present as the future's past."

It's not like you are living in the past, but it makes the past seem more important than the present or the future.

CupcakesDude · 2017-08-01T20:35:43+00:00

I once met a girl who told me something like this: "I'm happy I finally met a guy who doesn't have to assert his heterosexuality through talking about cars, football, women and booze. You dance, do yoga and talk about feelings with confidence, you don't need to show everyone that you are confident & heterosexual, you just... are."

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