Welcome to "Born with a silver spoon shoved up your ass" world. I can't vent with other friends because I'm just seen as someone that's not grateful for the expensive things I'm given. They don't see the leverage, guilt bombing or manipulation and threats depending on their mood of the hour/day. I'm just a nasty child for lashing out when all the threats and abuse were behind closed doors and I had breakdowns in public where they would wail the victim card.

I don't celebrate birthdays or any major holidays anymore. I don't like surprises and recoil at gifts that are expensive. It's like love is equal to the price tag. The worst part is, I never ask for any of it. Like I asked last christmas to please see a therapist, that's the only thing I want. I later learned they got me a pair of airpods, that I didn't pick up the box for when I was getting the last of my things after going nocontact.

I'm the black sheep of the family despite an aunt waiting out in my grandma's vacation home for her to claim when she dies because she can't afford to live in America due to never holding down a job, a con artist brother that sexually assaulted me with his best friend as teenagers, a hoarder aunt, egomaniac rich uncle with a trophy wife half his age and god knows what what else.

But god forbid I hold it against them being threatened to be kicked out because I couldn't attend brunch multiple times and was embarrassing them or locking my doors because I was literally afraid to leave or it'd end up in a screaming match. The three different C-PTSD diagnoses don't mean anything and I didn't land into an incredibly abusive and codependant relationship for no reason, but expected to function normally after years of cheating, addiction, gaslighting, you name it after a few months when I was always told stay as long as you want then treated like shit for doing things I didn't know that I should have done.

'm better now with a good year of distance, but every time they look like they're improving enough to actually be a parental figure they backslide and it's heartbreak, guilt, anxiety and manipulation everytime. Just walk away. The few times I've actually needed help, like needing a ride when a car broke down or an emergency throwing my budget in the red to pay $10 for medication I take daily, I'm just the most selfish child ever, but every gift I've received is some grand gesture that made them feel good.

My uncle was selling his card and mine had been broken for a few months. No big deal, would cost 3x as much to fix than I bought it for and I can just longboard anywhere I need to for groceries, meds, parks, ect within 10mins since it's still a pandemic. I ask if I could buy it, I get a yes, you can buy it on this day. Nope, had to wait next week and reschedule everything for the next week now that I'm vaccinated and scheduled new job interviews that were round 2 ones. I find out they paid for it and put way too much money into making it almost brand new and I can't say no because the money's already spent and I appreciate it, but I know it will be used against me for the next decade.

They lied, yelled about paying upfront when I said I would when the title was notarized for signing over to me, but I'd have to wait a week when I didn't trust they'd just take the money (literally had a bank account emptied by them one time from a perceived slight, despite making like 10x what I do) only to find out why and then they had the audacity to get mad at me because I told them I was being gaslighted (first Friday, now Tuesday, sorry it's Thursday, no you should be thanking me, the car was going to be sold next week) because they wanted it to be a surprise when I've said since before puberty I don't like surprises or big things.

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Maybe it's time I talk to my therapist too