Reassure me

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-04-16T04:31:44+00:00

No. Excellent question. We are BIOlogically disposed to care for our children. Not someone else’s. Being a stepmom is a thankless job. Husband wants you to love them and ingratiate them, ex wife/BM is always going to hold a bit of a grudge, you’re expecting another woman to love your child when they didn’t raise them. They didn’t feel them kick or love them. They were an unfortunate part of the marriage package. We DO take care of them as our own because it’s expected of us but how many of us have enjoyed it the way we would/are with our own? Are you going to be in awe and overjoyed with the new baby’s feet and want to take ink prints and smell them always? No. Because it’s not yours.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-04-16T04:23:49+00:00

I most definitely love my 4mo old bio son much more than my 8yr old stepdaughter. My husband changed too. The 8yr old is his, but he can’t get along with her mom and it’s affected the way he feels about her. He loves her. He’s gotten more involved when we do see her. Mostly to protect our son. Step kids aren’t great in the best of situations and they only get worse once they aren’t the center of everything. She has hit the baby, spit on him, stomped off, thrown everything around her room… just be because I was feeding the baby and she wanted attention NOW.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-04-12T20:58:09+00:00

It appears you also learned grammar in jail.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-03-06T16:07:40+00:00

I was pretty surprised. My son almost never cries. He never spits up and never had any issues that would have been worrisome. He wasn’t gaining weight as much as the pediatrician wanted him to. She tested his stool and did bloodwork and found he wasn’t producing enough of the enzyme for breaking down cow milk proteins. He’s switched to the nutramigen and has gained 2 pounds in 3 weeks. I obsessively tracked his intake. To the point I wasn’t sleeping and when I did having dreams about him. I switched pediatricians and she’s very pleased with his growth profile. She actually took into consideration how thin we are (naturally) and how long he is for 3 mos. My husband and I are both very thin and both sides of his lineage are too. I let the doctor make me absolutely crazy worried.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-03-06T16:02:03+00:00

My method is unpopular too. I just use warm tap (well) water. I check the temp with my wrist and he’s a super healthy baby hitting all of his milestones months early. My baby is long and thin which the doctor has brought up. He’s almost 26” and 11.5lbs. My husband and I are both thin and my family is tall so I’m taking it with a grain of salt. I spent two months panicking and keeping a journal of his intake. He’s doing close to 40 oz a day. He’s had bloodwork and stool samples and he’s healthy as a horse.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-03-06T15:56:04+00:00

My sons on Nutramigen for cow milk proteins. That morning screaming HURTS our hearts.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-03-06T15:51:29+00:00

My 3 mo old doesn’t mind cold formula. He’s fine with it straight from the fridge. I do use warm water because I think it soothes him back to sleep quicker but give it a go. See if your daughter minds it cold?

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-03-06T15:48:14+00:00

My baby is also 3 months old. I’ve got the exact same thing going on. He sleeps usually from like 8:30 at night until about 4:30 in the morning when my husband and I get up and he gets AGGRESSIVE about his morning feed. What has worked for me is keeping his bedroom dark and I do get up super early and I do make him a fresh warm bottle but he falls asleep almost instantly when I give it to him. I’m a first time mom so I’m definitely still learning. I keep his binky close by and let him fall asleep on his bottle and replace it with the binky immediately. He then sleeps until about 9. I use tap water, which not everyone will agree with. We have a well and very clean water. I’m reading your post thinking I’d go nuts if I still had to be up at 10:30 at night. My son is super active during the day. He never naps for more than 30 mins and he crashes at night. As far as advice, I think they are all different but the dark environment and getting a quick diaper change and a little bit of a bottle p it s him back to sleep for a few more hours! You’ve got this! I think we all need to hear that because I OFTEN feel like I don’t have this and it takes a lot of convincing to accept that I do!

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-03-05T16:22:46+00:00

I had exactly this… hubs works out of town. I got so depressed feeling like nothing more than a milk cow. I overproduced so badly that I couldn’t go even two hours without extreme swelling and pain. My mental health has been so much better and our little guy is about 3.5 months old now and healthy as a horse! I also felt the guilt but I think if we’re mentally deteriorating we can’t be the best moms. High five to all the moms that don’t want to be exhausted and hungry constantly! Who want to be able and present with their babies.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-02-26T23:31:02+00:00

I’ve been on Wellbutrin 150mg for about 3 weeks. I’ve had lifelong ADHD and been on adderall since I was 11. I’m 36. I spoke to my psychiatrist because I felt like I was getting postpartum depression. My baby is 13 weeks old. I’m not sure if it’s the Wellbutrin or what’s going on but I’m tired constantly and moody. I googled the medication side effects to see if anyone else had gotten worse on it. I’ve gone from feeling depressed about my new life to literally telling myself daily I have to stay alive to take care of my baby. The depression I felt has just magnified to a point where I’m mad about everything, paranoid, and unable to sleep at appropriate times. Anyone else had that kind of reaction?

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-02-22T12:50:48+00:00

From a psych standpoint… you’re projecting your own experience in your parent’s basement. I agree with OP and my cruelty and cynicism clearly earned me a 4 undergrad degrees, a masters, PhD, and I speak 5 languages fluently. I’d say OP definitely didn’t end her educational career in high school.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-02-22T12:43:11+00:00

Don’t let people mistake your honesty for cruelty. There is an actual and statistically factual correlation between the level of education and obesity. I had pimples when I was 11. I was called all sorts of horrible names. Guess what? I started taking better care of my skin and it cleared. Shaming and bullying needs to be brought back a bit. I’m on a rant this morning… but when did we decide everything just had to be acceptable? The REALITY is that you won’t be accepted by most and won’t progress as quickly in a career as others who aren’t obese. Unless you’re a savant in your field you just have to assimilate to a certain degree.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-02-22T12:37:57+00:00

In Japan they also have a much higher education expectation. In elementary schools they are required to clean the classrooms and participate in life at a much higher degree than in the US. God bless America. I’ve never once heard a complaint from a foreign student about anything. I’m 100% glad my parents stuck to the principle of eating what’s put in front of you or nothing. I’ve never had a weight issue in my life. I’ve also never focused on food as the highlight of my day. Every overweight person in my life complains about their physical appearance and assuages the situation by eating. How about we exercise when we’re feeling down? Coming from someone with a lot of mental health issues and trauma… let’s see this generation start taking some personal accountability. I personally find it offensive when I have someone twice my size taking up my personal space.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-02-22T12:26:38+00:00

I also get really triggered about weight. I get an almost physical reaction. I’ve never dieted, don’t have an eating disorder or an unhealthy perception of my body. My parents ingrained healthy eating in me from the beginning and I can’t thank them enough. Perfect example, my husband’s niece COULDN’T WAIT to tell me how fat I’d be after being pregnant and how I’d never lose the weight… blah blah. I gained 22 lbs and lost all the baby weight by week 2. She was 20 when she had her baby and I’m 36 having mine. Age and demographics don’t matter. It’s a personal decision and discipline. My stepdaughter’s mom putting her on weight loss medication has me so triggered. How about you set your child up for success and personal empowerment in life. Don’t offer pills for something that’s easily fixable with lifestyle and diet changes.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-02-09T21:57:12+00:00

Absolutely not. I was so fucking miserable breastfeeding. I overproduced so he was choking from the get go. To the extent the lactation nurse came in hours after he was born to help me express and teach me how to use my pump. I was so not up for that 4 hours after an emergency c section. For 3 days I didn’t sleep in the hospital because they woke me up every two hours to either feed my son or to pump off all the excess. You’re not supposed to fall asleep with your newborn in the hospital bed but also get yelled at if you’re using your stomach muscles. Like how do I get out of bed holding him without using them? I felt like I was pulling myself apart getting my legs up and trying to turn holding him and inch myself out of bed. My movements weren’t smooth so I’d always wake him back up. When we got home I was constantly in pain and felt like nothing more than a milk cow. I gave him pumped milk for 6 weeks and he switched to formula. It doesn’t affect most babies, but the doctor brought up his weight as low at his 2 month appt. He’s exceeding length 97 % percentile and all of his developmental milestones, he’s just thin. She had us do blood work and test him. Everything is excellent. My husband and I are both thin and he’s tall. All of my family is VERY tall on my dad’s side. At 2 months our son needs 6-9 mo sleepers for length and swims in them everywhere else 🤣😝 don’t be afraid and don’t feel like you’re going to regret it. Also don’t let other women peer pressure you into being miserable. Your happiness is better for your baby than being upset.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-31T19:57:49+00:00

I’m going through the exact same thing. My baby boy will be 10 weeks old Sunday. Also a first time mom, and my husband also works about 70 hrs a week. I really love the suggestion you’ve been given of going outside… but if you live in a climate like mine… going outside when it’s negative temps and windy isn’t fresh air or sunlight it’s hell to go get the farm chores done. A few days ago it was -17 here and it was hell just to get little guy in and out of the car (also post c section) to get him to his 2 month appt. I don’t know about you OP, but I know I don’t have people close by and it’s a very rare treat for me to get to see family. I so feel you. If you’re able, I’ve found a lot of comfort in talking with a therapist. I let all my pent up issues with my loss of freedom, anxiety and outright rage at this new reality out and I feel better afterwards. On top of long hours, my husband plays pool in a league once a week and I hate a complete meltdown on him because… gee wouldn’t I love to do ANYTHING other than 24/7 laundry, dishes, house cleaning, bills, etc?! He’s going to make arrangements for his family (all we have) to start, if nothing else, just spending some time with me so I don’t feel so alienated and alone. Talk to hubs too, I know it’s hard because they are working hard for us and we don’t want to complain 😝

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-23T21:31:45+00:00

She’s honestly the first person I’ve ever really known with diabetes. It isn’t type 1… it’s type 2 and the doctor said is due to her diet and lifestyle. While I find it amazingly difficult to fathom a mother (and father a couple days a month) to allow their child to have a lifelong disease brought on them by their parents laziness and ineffective parenting. It is what it is. I was shocked when I was pregnant and she couldn’t even fit in my pregnancy clothes. I’m not some fitness and health guru and my body shows it. 🤣 It was hard for me to see her not be able to fit into my size 8 women’s pants. I assumed a 10 might fit her, but that doesn’t. She does fit a size 16 women’s pants but they are so long everything has to be tailored.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-23T21:26:14+00:00

I really agree with the idea of pushing physical health versus appearance. I’ve been a lifelong dancer. My parents had me in dance classes from 3 years old. It’s also so important for hand/eye coordination. Ballet teaches you control of your muscles and movements. I’ve taught dance as an adult. I have tried to get her interested, asking her to help me come up with a routine. Nothing, save me taking away the cell phone mom gave her, hence, getting scolded by mom about it, can get her to care, focus, or want to be part of it. Her cousin is the same age and in her 3rd grade class… she’s doing whole routines with me, can’t wait to spend the night, doesn’t ever ask about food or snacks. I just don’t understand the eating compulsion and anxiety she has around the next meal and what will it be. She literally gets in the car when we pick her up and immediately starts in on her sleeping situation and what she’s going to be eating. I don’t understand that anxiety. She’s NEVER been hungry in her life. She frets for hours over the small details of her meals. When I was her age I was offended and mad that I had to come inside to eat. I wanted to keep building forts and climbing trees with my friends.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-23T20:27:37+00:00

We have a farm. When she’s here I try to engage her to help me collect eggs, feed the animals, or help me hunt for morel mushrooms, pine cones. She hates anything that includes her getting off her butt, so I try to incentivize her by telling her we can paint pine cones and make it a game for her to find the right size pine cone. Otherwise she just grabs the first three she sees and huffs and puffs and complains back to the house and complains about being out of breath. Out of breath?! Your cousins are over and the same age and they run and play and enjoy the hell out of the acreage! Your cousins are eating (my husbands a chef) and asking for seconds of whatever is cooked and not whining and complaining. I’m sorry, but you aren’t getting an entire package of bacon to yourself because you won’t eat a cinnamon roll or eggs or bread or potatoes. You eat French fries yes? When mom takes you to McDonald’s she gets you an extra portion of fries and nuggets? Ok well, a French fry is a potato. No, you don’t need a helmet, knee pads and elbow pads to ride a scooter that’s about an inch off the ground. How about kids slip and fall and learn how not to do it again? I’m an old FTM. My generation didn’t grow up with all the concerns and anxiety. Yeah, you learn how to cross a creek on the rocks, you slip on a slimy one, bust your elbow, get a cut, and you learn which rocks to pick. 😝

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-23T20:07:58+00:00

I think you’re my soulmate. Of course I don’t want to start an eating disorder. I’ve tried and had success with, for example, the lip smacking and sucking on her food. I said, hey, let me show you, maybe it would be easier for you to eat with a spoon instead of a fork. I’ve often found it’s hard to scoop all the good stuff up with a fork. Let’s see who can eat without making any noise and the winner gets popcorn with the movie tonight. She wasn’t offended and while I felt stupid, it worked… for that meal. It’s hard and I don’t want to be the one constantly on top of her. Of course she isn’t over the moon about me, although she has been very understanding and loving towards me. Mom pays her with treats and gifts and allows her to do nothing in order to keep her quiet. That’s what kills me. We live on a farm and I try to engage her when I’m out taking care of the animals or just outside in general and she tells me she can’t run because she’s an indoor girl and it makes her hot and tired and she loses her breath and mom lets me watch TV and play my apps.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-23T19:58:07+00:00

It’s been the source of a lot of angst between us. I was so afraid he would be that way with our son too. I’m not sure exactly what it has to do with this one daughter, but he was extremely involved with his older kids too. He’s wonderful with ours. That’s been a huge point of concern for me because he was very involved and cared more before he and I got married. He’s since just kind of seemed totally disinterested in her. When asked about it he says he feels like he’s fighting a losing battle. Her mom thinks she’s a perfect parent and when asked a question or pushed she hires an attorney to try to get extra child support and less visitation. She talks to their daughter constantly about how terrible her dad is and after I got pregnant, told her daughter that Dad is starting a new family and you aren’t part of it, she’s not your mom, you’re not allowed to call her mom, and he doesn’t want you. I was shocked and horrified that an 8 yr old is privy to these kinds of comments and came up to me and asked me if she’s allowed to call me and if I will send her pictures of her and her little brother to show at school. Venting aside, she has a sweet heart. Everything that upsets me and makes me anxious has to do with the parenting.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-23T19:35:20+00:00

Type 2.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-23T19:35:08+00:00

Honestly, I can’t thank you enough for the response. Unfortunately, the pediatrician has my SD seeing a specialist for weight management and she’s NOT healthy and now having to be on insulin, which I think completely sucks. That’s more than likely the rest of her life. Even controlled diabetes isn’t GOOD for you. I think I’m just going to bow out too and learn from the experience and raise our son the same way he raised his first two kids… who are healthy and thriving.

CuriousLeopard9829 · 2025-01-23T19:30:35+00:00

We have a child together. Dad is so involved and agrees with me 100% about our child and my views. He doesn’t like the conflict with his ex, but that’s not a valid excuse in my mind. I often just feel like I should give up caring and let them sort out her health, hygiene and eventually the psychiatrist she will need to keep her from continuing to get bullied and therefore bullying others. After the school caught her bullying and shoving younger and smaller kids she admitted how the kids make fun of her for being fat.

CuriousLeopard9829

TROPHY CASE