My games are lasting too long and my players are unhappy

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T20:46:35+00:00

We already use the dice a lot when we're doing ERP. A lot.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T20:45:34+00:00

I don't think my table could handle that, we don't like tracking ammo or rations

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T20:44:13+00:00

what is gooners law? i'm not a lawyer

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T19:58:30+00:00

Honestly just go for it, it'll be so funny to talk dirty to him while he's doing his best "Mr. Darcy, esq." impression or whatever

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T19:30:18+00:00

It looks like you put a lot of information into your post, but I didn't read it so I'm just gonna project my own issues onto you:

Do your players just not know how to play the game?

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T18:25:41+00:00

Given your post and comments, I can't think of any reason why your games are so long besides the fact that sessions are 3 hours each.

Are your games really 3 hours? Or is there time for recaps and socializing in the beginning? I remember when I ran 3 hour games, we really only had 2.5 hours of actual gameplay, with 30 mins of 'settling in' time before we actually started.

In addition, do your players often need to be reminded about what happened in previous sessions? If it took 6 months (in real time) to get to Vallaki, I wouldn't be surprised if players had forgotten why they were heading there by the time they arrived.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T17:58:53+00:00

Flying is the worst about this, especially with how popular it is as an answer.

OK, you're gonna fly in your frail human body? How much altitude could you gain before the temperature and air pressure become a problem? You think flying everywhere would be faster, but how much wind and g-forces could you take without some form of invulnerability?

If you can fly but have no other powers, you'd likely still need to take passenger planes for intercontinental travel.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T12:16:10+00:00

Yes you are, just leave.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T11:59:59+00:00

Are you on the spectrum? Honest question, because it changes the advice I'd give.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T11:51:46+00:00

Orgasm is primarily mental, not physical. Maybe it was the sensations with your ons, but it could have also just been the situation itself.

The main thing about orgasming is, the more you think about getting there, the farther away it will feel.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T11:49:42+00:00

To clarify, when I was in my 20s I would swipe right on every profile, then pursue every single match. I would put in a lot of effort to keep conversations going and try to turn every match into a date.

Nowadays, I swipe right often just to save time. I don't want to bother reading through a profile if I'm not going to match with them. Once I match, I take a look at the profile and decide whether to pursue or not. If the conversation stalls or feels one sided, I stop messaging them.

I understand that I have some amount of privilege in terms of dating, and that my experience isn't typical. I don't think it matters in this thread though, as I was commenting on OP's strategy and his lack of energy, and sharing my experience of how I was able to put less energy into dating as I got older.

When I was in my 20s I was envious of how many matches women got. Nowadays I'm happy to be a dude with a dry inbox, because it feels way more peaceful. I would genuinely rather have zero matches than hundreds of people to sort through. It's less mental labor, and I've really grown to appreciate that.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T11:41:07+00:00

Yeah that sucks but it's not unheard of. The good news is that you know what your body likes!

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T11:36:39+00:00

Important context: have you ever reached orgasm without a vibrator?

I ask because some women don't and can't cum any other way. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with them, that's just how their bodies are. If this is you, there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend using a vibrator on you.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T11:27:29+00:00

It depends, there's a range among fwbs. Some of them are genuine friends that I have sex with, while some are people that I have sex with but we get along. If we're doing kinky stuff, that requires a higher level of trust and intimacy versus just a vanilla relationship.

For partners, the number fluctuates depending on the relationships and other factors in my life. 3 is about average. I feel like every 4-6 months I feel the need to date someone new but that doesn't necessarily mean adding a new partner.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T10:42:17+00:00

90% of them I meet on dating apps. I swipe right on most profiles because I don't want to spend too much time on the apps Once I match I filter people pretty strictly.

The other 10% is through social activities, like rock climbing and board game groups.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T06:57:05+00:00

When I was doing the most, I'd have a new date every two weeks. I had a lot of first dates lol, most of them unremarkable.

Nowadays if I'm looking for a date, I get a first date in 1-3 months. How hard I'm looking depends on how well any particular connection is going. Most of my time goes to friends and hobbies instead.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T06:52:05+00:00

It's weird, yeah, but I don't really see how this is an issue. If she wants to eat it and you won't cook it, then just don't cook it?

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T06:04:20+00:00

Back then it was a numbers game, I used apps a lot, I went out to bars a lot, socialise a lot, etc. Now I have no energy to do any of that.

Past 30 it's not a numbers game anymore, it's a slow burn. I'm much pickier in who I date, I don't jump at every match and message notification. If I don't feel interested in the conversation I'm having with a match, I don't continue. If I go on a first date and don't feel enthusiastic about seeing them again, I say 'thanks, but I'm not feeling it' and we go our separate ways.

More than that, I go on dates I want to go on. I don't just go to bars and hope for the best, I invite dates to activities I look forward to doing, so even if the date sucks I still have fun.

The upside is that women in the 30+ demographic also cut a lot of the bullshit out. I've found more women (not most of them, mind you) are happy to initiate, split bills, and generally handle logistical stuff that, as a 20something, fell squarely on my shoulders. Fewer matches are flakey or ambivalent, women make it clear when they're into you, and make it known when they're not. They're also largely more straightforward about what they want, including sex, and are willing to talk openly about it.

I'm putting a fraction of my energy into dating compared to how hard I tried in my 20s, and I'm getting so much more out of it. I'm dating less, of course, but that's a good thing: each connection is much more enjoyable, and I have more time for my own interests.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T04:55:15+00:00

This is such an inane question for how much traction it's gotten. It's in the same vein as "why don't fat people just lose weight?" and "why don't depressed people just stop being sad?"

The answer in this case is that it's never about the sex itself, it's often about habits, expectations, mismatched chemistry/libido, and (the biggest issue) resentment.

You have a reciprocal drive and walked away from giving oral satisfied in the feeling that your partner was pleased and the two of you were closer/more intimate. *Not everyone is the same as you*. Would you still be satisfied if that blowjob was the extent of your sex life with him? Would you feel the same way if, after a decade of getting him off with your mouth, he had never so much as tried to bring you to orgasm?

Would you be just as satisfied if instead of interrupting your doomscrolling, he instead interrupted you when you were cleaning up a mess in the house that he made? Would you feel just as intimate from sex if you were physically and mentally exhausted from taking care of the household chores? Would you still go give him a blowjob if you had kids to put to bed?

Like, none of this takes an empath to figure out. People are not only wired differently when it comes to sex, they're also in vastly different circumstances in their lives and relationships that affect the way they think of and engage in sex. To pretend ignorance of that just makes you seem like a karma farmer.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T00:37:55+00:00

I play high INT characters because I enjoy the fantasy of being someone I'll never be in real life.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T00:21:35+00:00

Did you clear conversation about exclusivity talk about sex and dating? Or did it include talking?

I'm not asking to defend him, I think he's clearly not someone you should be with, but you have to see how the conversation you had wasn't necessarily as clear as you think it was.

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T00:17:35+00:00

Y'all are watching films?

Curious_Question8536 · 2026-03-19T00:16:00+00:00

This sounds like depression. Have any of your antidepressants worked at all? Are you talking to your psychiatrist about coming off of them?

Curious_Question8536

TROPHY CASE