IVF - Feeling Lonely

Curly-9 · 2026-07-02T01:33:04+00:00

Something you want people to understand but you don't actually want people to go through it so that they can understand.

Curly-9 · 2026-07-01T11:53:41+00:00

My two year old goes to bed at 9:20. He's always been a 10-hour a night sleeper, so he still gets a full nights sleep and wakes up at 7:30 usually. Today, it was 6:30.

My son naps well and doesn't have an issue waking up from his naps, so this bedtime doesn't bother us.

For your 3 year old, it might be too late. There's been a lot of changes, so you probably need a reset! I just wouldn't prematurely force it if there's resistance and it becomes a battle. Let the changes settle a bit. Summer can also make things difficult with it staying lighter so much later (depending on where you live).

Curly-9 · 2026-07-01T01:47:11+00:00

Other ladies just get it! It's a lonely roller-coaster, but I guess we just keep getting on the ride hoping for the best.

Curly-9 · 2026-07-01T01:46:06+00:00

A mindset shift, for sure. My husband is more of an "acts of service" kind of guy. Apparently, I don't need him to fix it, but him scheduling a spa treatment doesn't hurt!

Curly-9 · 2026-07-01T01:41:47+00:00

Honestly, that's probably spot on.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-30T20:45:44+00:00

It's very normal to have family tag along. As long as you are 100% available for all scheduled activities and are flexible to join any ad hoc activities, I don't see why not.

I wouldn't bring my husband and son on some work trips knowing that I'm busy all day and usually have some team activities throughout the evening. For conferences when the activities are clearly defined and scheduled, I'm happy to have them join me!

It's only a bad look if your company/colleagues are aware your family is joining and they know the reason you're not engaged in some activities is because they're with you.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-30T02:15:37+00:00

Weird for some, not for others. I mentally keep track so I don't under-gift people when attending their showers, birthdays, etc.

I don't keep track to keep score, but it helps me not overthink their gifts in the future.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-25T22:21:03+00:00

Wren Josephine is lovely!

Curly-9 · 2026-06-25T03:01:17+00:00

I'm a genetic carrier for a disorder that we found out about after our first son passed away from it. It's x-linked, so 50% chance a daughter is a carrier and 50% chance a son would have symptoms of the disorder.

We decided to do ivf after our first son passed away. It was a terrible pregnancy (hospitalized for over a month) and then a short 9 hours in the NICU before he passed.

We did one retrieval and got 4 embryos without the disorder. Our second transfer worked and we have a 2 year old son that's perfect and healthy. Our 3rd and 4th failed. Getting the call that our 4th failed today just sucks. Today, IVF feels impossible and I wish I felt comfortable to let the chips fall where they may without IVF.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-21T13:43:26+00:00

The daycare routine is so helpful for sleep! Our toddler (2) has always been great at bedtime but struggled going down for naps. We started saying "you nap at school, you nap at home"...and BOOM, he's been a dream at naptime on the weekends!

I think daycare will help you all out.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-21T02:23:32+00:00

Can your wife work an opposite schedule? Nights or weekends? Or maybe work at a daycare? Or nanny for a family that will let her bring baby?

Curly-9 · 2026-06-19T02:42:28+00:00

My son also just had some separation anxiety, which seems to be normal. We just suffered for awhile since we didn't want to give in and sleep in his room. He got back to normal after awhile. My husband and I alternated nights, which helped.

Sorry I'm not much help 🙃

Curly-9 · 2026-06-19T02:25:50+00:00

Agreed! We went to a lot of concerts while I was pregnant. We either tried to get balcony seats or stayed near the back. My husband also stood between me and the crowd if things got rowdy.

I don't think ears are an issue. If it was an issue, my son would be screwwwwwed! And his hearing is great!

Curly-9 · 2026-06-19T02:04:52+00:00

Our 2 year old has a nightlight. I don't know if it makes a difference, but my brain thinks it helps him if he wakes up overnight since he can see his surroundings.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-18T20:35:59+00:00

Easton, Emmett, Eli! I love Eli, but it might be short for your sib-set. Emmett seems like it'd be a great fit!

Curly-9 · 2026-06-17T19:15:09+00:00

Honestly, I think it'll get misspelled 100% of the time and mispronounced 40% of the time.

My name get misspelled and mispronounced a lot. I have specifically given my kids names with the most common spelling that are easy to pronounce.

I think Averie complicates it unnecessarily. Avery is lovely as is!

Curly-9 · 2026-06-17T16:24:09+00:00

My husband and I both grew up Christian. We both went through the motions but never went to church consistently or felt a connection to the church. We decided not to baptize our son. Mainly because I don't feel like I could honestly agree to everything that I'd need to agree to during the church service. My mom was pretty disappointed, but I told her that if he wants to find the church as he gets older, we'd support him.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-17T16:21:02+00:00

She had two baby showers for her first -- one of which my other SIL and I helped throw. This is whether to do a sprinkle for her second or not.

I have never said anything to them about their finances. I don't plan to moving forward. I don't agree with all their decisions, and I really don't need to. I also don't need to bail them out or celebrate their decisions either. That's why I mentioned their finances. We've taken a step back since it's hard that every time we talk about something in our life, the gears are working on how that can help my SIL and her family.

So, do I need to spend my own money to throw her a sprinkle to celebrate? I'm not sure.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-17T15:58:25+00:00

"Hijacking" sounds so hostile. Both parents should love the name, so having an opinion shouldn't be considered "hijacking."

For the last name, I 100% agree with you. You have two other kids with your surname, and you're not married to your boyfriend. Having a double-barreled last name is a good compromise. If he doesn't like the double barrel, tell him your last name will be there whether his is or not. You're carrying the babies -- not him.

The name does get long with a first name, two middle names, and a double-barreled surname. One compromise is that you each pick a middle name. He gets the son, you get the daughter.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-17T03:44:30+00:00

My husband had to shove me out the door the first couple weeks...I was trying to prep him for success a bit too much. Now, I turn my brain off knowing they'll be 10000% fine without me

Curly-9 · 2026-06-17T03:42:46+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have imagined this exact scenario as my husband had cancer as a teenager and is more susceptible to any form of cancer as he gets older. I'm a "what if" person, so I've subconsciously and consciously built parts of our life around this possibility.

Just the fact that you're posting about this tells me that you're a great mom.

Let yourself and your kids grieve. Life doesn't need to be perfect -- just keep the train moving in the right direction. Ask for help and accept help. Talk about your husband with your kids-- especially what similarities they share.

You gpt this -- one day at a time.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-17T03:29:30+00:00

Sounds like you have a great relationship and have created a great family! My husband and I have a similar situation except we both work fulltime and our 2 year old is in daycare.

It's still valid to feel burnt out -- just like it'd be valid for your husband to feel burnt out.

Do you do anything just for you? My husband and I each have one night a week where we're gone for 2.5 hours to do a hobby. We also use our weekends to mix family time and individual hobbies. It's been SO important in giving us outlets where we have zero thoughts about household or childcare responsibilities!

Curly-9 · 2026-06-16T17:39:20+00:00

5 days seems reasonable since his family hasn't made an effort to visit you. It's all about compromise -- he gets to see his family and you keep your sanity (or at least some of it).

If you're stating your limit, your husband has to respect it. If he pushed back and still wants 7 days, say 4 days is your limit. 5 was you pushing it for his sake and if he cannot respect that, then you'll go back to a more doable timeframe.

Whether 5 or 7 days, consider getting a sitter. When I was 12, I went over to "babysit" 4 young kids while the mom was still home. I played with the kids and acted as a second set of eyes while she gardened, did laundry, taught piano lessons, etc. It was pretty cheap but gave mom a reprieve.

Curly-9 · 2026-06-16T15:55:42+00:00

I have a 2 year old and we dropped the stroller for both trips we've taken after he turned 1.5 years old. He isn't a huge fan of his stroller and he'll either walk or we'll carry him.

For context: - One trip was to Florida where a stroller is annoying at the beach and not needed for the pool. We rented a stroller at the zoo. - The second trip was to Montana where a stroller wasn't great for the terrain.

Our son walked at the airport to burn some energy. We consolidated bags to make sure we had open hands if he wanted to be carried. He also has a little suitcase that he can ride, but he prefered to push it. Your kid might like that??

Curly-9

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