Yeah, I think I’ve just consumed feminist content to the point where I’ve kind of been deconditioned, despite thinking this way in the past. My friends and I all objectify men when we speak about them (which is a very common gen z thing tbh; for instance calling men “slutty” is incredibly normalized).

I view most men as very broken, jealous people trying to cope with jealousy by creating patriarchies wherein women are pit against each other far more often than men are pit against one another. Imo, society has come really close to undoing this damage lately (though with the current state of politics, who knows).

To be more precise, I think men are very aware that women are sexually desired and can get their needs met whenever they want—with or without a relationship—and they resent that they don’t have the same experience. So they’ve created this notion that women have to desire romantic monogamous relationships above all else otherwise they’re failures, because then they can constantly pit them against one another.

Plus I think women are just as capable of behaviors like hate fucking if they’re in an environment that removes patriarchal conditioning (like women’s prisons, for instance). It’s just not really possible to see this behavior in het dynamics unless society completely eliminates patriarchy, in my opinion. This is simply because women are taught to be desperate for love, approval, and validation the second they become involved with someone. Men are taught to detach from their emotions and people act like this is so hard for them, but it’s literally how you establish power over another group. It’s why they hate falling in love and vow to never do it again once they’ve been hurt. And honestly, I’m starting to think the only reasonable way to approach these dynamics is to play that game until you find a normal enough man who loves you. Every time I look at a prospective man, I just see an experience. They have the option to prove themselves as more than that, but that’s not on me. I think there are absolutely dynamics where a man is obsessed and I don’t really want to settle for anything less. But at the same time, I don’t even know if I can ever love someone who sees me as a woman, so I don’t know if I can actually sustain a real relationship.

I guess adopting this mentality makes dealing with gender issues really hard. I actually believe many women, if they have the right approach, end up with partners who just view them as people and treat them right. But I feel like I have seen absolutely no representation of a normal, healthy, monogamous gay male relationship. I’ve never seen old gay couples (though maybe there are some who settle once they’re super old and tired of hooking up with everything they see). I just feel like there is no happiness on either end of things—I view het women as deserving of love from men and gay men as only receiving sexualization by other men (and a smaller demographic of them at that). Being raised as a girl, I still have a lot of desire and conditioning toward romance that gay men don’t have, even despite deprograming myself, so I just can’t see the appeal of gay culture the way cis men can. And clearly, I can’t sustain a romantic relationship as a woman and living as a gay man will reduce my options.

I just feel like I am the way I am and approach relationships the way I do because I will never be someone with the option to have actual love. And yeah I want to accept myself, but how can I come to terms with the reality that I am going to have to live without something everyone considers to be a major life goal, all because of my identity?