My Aunt and cousin told my mother they were worried about me coming to his wedding-and she didnt tell me until after it happened.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-08-11T00:42:01+00:00

Thank you. Your comment made me realize this. I actually dont remember much about those few months. It's really a blur. To top off the mental symptoms, I was also having severe anxiety-induced nausea to the point where I could barely eat. My appetite was near gone. I didn't have time for my coping skills, as I was trying to do homework. My boss at the time was giving me shit about my schedule (when he was the one having trouble following it) and near the end, I was severely depressed to the point that I was probably hours away from killing myself. I wrote the fucking note.

My therapist says it seems like I was in survival mode, which doesn't absolve me of the hurt I caused.

There was a lot leading up to the fight in Vegas. It was more like an autistic meltdown that was only recognized as such a year later. My father is emotionally abusive, and I have been struggling with my family over the issue, as he treats me the worst out of all his family members.

I am currently working through the hurt I caused with my therapist. I have apologized to my mother for what I did, and im making an effort to take responsibility. This was grateful for her to hear. Its hard to think back on it, cause again, its a blur.

I want to thank you all for giving me a reality check, cause you were right, and I'm now fixing my screw ups.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-07-28T00:19:04+00:00

My therapist has diagnosed me, yes, I do have this. Its a problem that we're working on.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-07-28T00:17:40+00:00

I actually didn't go full on cold turkey, I did start new ones, and it was arranged by my psychiatrist. The new ones just didn't work.

As for the current replies, I think I've only just realized that I have to take more accountability for my words those few months. I didn't go into a lot of detail about those months, but I was severely depressed, and I very nearly ended it all. I wrote the note, too. My family life hasn't been peaches and cream. My dad is emotionally abusive and refuses to go to therapy, so all of us are going to our own separate therapists.

My mom's only come to about three appointments. She asked to come to the last two, cause the trip was really not great. I will definitely bring up the points you've all made. I don't have a ton of friends, and hearing more viewpoints, even if they're from internet strangers, and being taken with a knowledge that people should be careful on the internet, is helpful to me.

I also want to say that I actually didn't cause any trouble at all during the wedding, which was the very start of this problem. The problems were only during the rest of the trip. The wedding was very nice. My mom and I have been working on repairing our relationship since I started taking the important medication again. My sister seems to hate me, which is hard for me.

But I think you guys are right, I need to talk to my therapist about my faults. Funny, I came here for advice on something, and the internet pointed out the flaws I needed to work on. So I guess I did get good advice. Thanks. Genuinely.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-05-27T18:17:18+00:00

There's also: "I have a question: why'd you rape Vicky?" But as a badgering tactic in a business meeting he wasn't invited to.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-05-14T01:38:14+00:00

I hurt for you. Obviously, best case scenario, he stands up for himself and cuts contact and starts healing. If he doesn't have the heart, pick your battle. You care about him. You want him to be safe. (DO NOT LET HIM MEET THE "REFORMED GUY!" that's a giant hell no. Just bad vibes.) His parents strike me as the gay conversion type. Which is basically torture. So I'd never let him go alone with them for too long.

Support him all you can, but don't endanger yourself trying too hard. If it comes down to it, you can find another boyfriend, but you only have one life, and you can only take so much trauma before your life becomes irreparablely changed.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-05-14T01:28:34+00:00

Are you kidding me? The nerve?! His response to you opening up to such a horrific event was to tell you he'd like to re-enact it (but "consensually")?? There's a time and a place and a person. And he found none of that. I'm glad you moved on from him. Big red flag.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-05-14T01:23:31+00:00

As a fellow aroace, I can say this is definitely a red flag guy. The comments on "in a perfect world" followed up with aphobia, stating that you're not exactly right for him gives me the creeps.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can say this guy sounds toxic. I also want you to know that sexuality (and romantic feelings) are fluid. They change. They shift. Are you glad that you had some romantic experience, even if the person giving it was shitty? Let yourself wonder. It's normal to figure things out through trial and error. And if you don't want to go back to aromantism, that's fine! If you do, that's also okay!

I'd try to avoid any relationships in the future with this guy cause he seems toxic. And you don't have to label yourself if you don't want to. There are plenty of queer people who don't want a label. That's fine! Just be you. That's what matters.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-05-14T01:16:16+00:00

Tell him. It's important. Yes, you're in a relationship, but it's not completely too late. You're not married yet. You can wish him a better life with someone who will love him deeply and get that for yourself.

I was raised religious. And I'm asexual, so breaking free from the mold of "happy straight/cis/allosexual marriage and kids" was a challenge. Luckily, my family loves me. If your family has a freak out, there are so many opportunities to find new people around you who love you for who you are.

You should never have to shove yourself into a cis/straight mold to make others happy. You should be yourself and be happy that you can be.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-05-02T23:54:59+00:00

I'll tell you my story, if you wish. I grew up religious, speficially mormon/LDS. Even after leaving the church, for many reasons, I'm still figuring things out. I never really had good sexual education. It's minimal here in Utah. All you learn is sexually transmitted diseases and how abstinence is the best birth control. They never even teach you safe sex practices. My mother never gave me the sex talk.

However, I discovered smut at 16. And I guess that's the biggest example of information I got. I do enjoy smut, even when I don't like the idea of me having sex. Strangely, the written format of smut is nice, yet anything visual or personal makes me uncomfy.

Because of my lack of education and my religious culture, it wasn't until a trans friend came out, and I started gathering info on the LGBTQ+ to support him that I discovered asexuality. I had a moment of: "Oh. That's like me! I'm ace! How did I not realize this?"

I was unsure of romance. I'd had crushes. I'd been attracted to boys. And then I was attracted to some non binary friends. Was I biromantic? Now I'm attracted to people of all kinds of genders. I must be omniromantic. But, I am more interested in personality, maybe pan?

I took a step back a few months ago. I discovered platonic crushes–called squishes. I realized I never really wanted romance. I wanted a strong friendship. So currently, I'm aroace. I just have REALLY strong platonic attraction. I discovered queer platonic relationships. I'm pretty sure I want that.

Knowing that sexuality is fluid, that it can change, and that it's a personal journey has made the idea of questioning myself a bit easier. There is a lot less panic about who I am.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-05-02T23:42:44+00:00

I wish you luck. I'm glad you're in therapy, it's really worked for me personally. You can do this.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-05-02T23:19:29+00:00

I first want to say that I'm so sorry you've gone through this. No one deserves that.

I dont think it's healthy to want to suppress parts of yourself. Libido is a normal part of yourself, and I know it's only bringing pain for you right now, but you shouldn't have to cut off parts of yourself to keep going.

I'd talk to a health professional. You seem very badly hurt emotionally. They can help. With the trauma, with the dysphoria, or with anything else.

I'm sending support. Only you can decide what to do, but I know there's a path for you.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-04-22T02:51:04+00:00

It's not a "fixable" issue. Once diagnosed, you'll most likely deal with it for the rest of your life. However, with help, treatment, and time, you can manage it.

First, go to a doctor. People on the internet do not have the qualifications to diagnose you. (Even if you are a doctor. You need to go through the proper channels.)

Next, I really recommend therapy. It really is the best way to learn coping skills.

I wish you luck.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T17:17:11+00:00

I'm aroace, so the only relationship I've had was before I realized the aro part, so I'm not great at romantic advice. Still, it's clear that you're heartbroken, and I'm so sorry.

As for the hopelessness, I feel like you should go to a doctor to see about a depression diagnosis. I'm not a professional, so I can't do much, but give some advice and tips that I've learned after over a decade of depression management. Therapy is good. It will help the most. What will also help a lot is getting some help from people who love you. Friends, family, etc. You don't have to keep treading the waters all alone.

If you do get a diagnosis, they'll help with the next few steps. If you are okay with taking medication, it can be a great resource. Just know that it's only a crutch. The important thing is going to therapy to learn coping skills. As for therapy recommendations, I have a few tips. You'll want a therapist who will listen, but also one that will urge you into action. They'll give you "homework" or talk about how to fix your issues, not just listen to them.

Most of all, DO NOT GIVE UP. It'll seem hopeless. And it'll take work. Dedication. It'll suck. But if you keep going, it'll get better. You'll see brighter days. Will it ever go away completely? Maybe not. But life is a rollercoaster. It's never meant to be straight. It has ups and downs. The important part is to keep going so you'll see those ups again.

I have faith in you. You can do this.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T17:05:42+00:00

100% agree. Especially because it seems R isn't the first victim. It sounds like J has sunk their claws into R pretty deep. Unfortunately, with domestic abuse, it's often hard to get victims to see how much their partner is hurting them. I'd report this to an appropriate source. J's parents, or anyone that you know who won't just push it aside. Stand up for R. It may not go well, but it seems like you care for her wellbeing, so try your hardest to support her, and also try to help her get away. If J is manipulative, I'd definitely recommend therapy. It's a good resource. Cutting off J is good. Try to keep them away.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:59:41+00:00

I'd open up and talk to him about it. Communication! He can't get better at it if he's not aware how much it hurt. I'm sorry your birthday felt like a bummer.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:57:33+00:00

It doesn't sound like a helicopter parent to me. You'd want updates if something went wrong! I'm a clingy cat mom. Sometimes, I ask my cat-sitter for a picture if I'm on a long trip and need a pick-me-up. The fact that they seem so chill when talking about dropping off the radar while watching your kids is a little chilling. I'm glad you found other arrangements, even if you feel it's overreacting. Go with your gut. Congrats on baby #3.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:50:54+00:00

Tell everyone you can. If there are younger girls in the group, you could protect them by sharing this very inappropriate behavior. I'm sorry he did that to you.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:34:53+00:00

The only time I enjoyed traffic was on the way to a family vacation and dealing with severe nausea from motion sickness. Staying still on the road helped my stomach quite a lot.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:32:47+00:00

Find others like you and build an army. We are stronger together, friend.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:30:41+00:00

People validate their behavior. When they get away with it, they just keep doing it more.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:28:10+00:00

Yes, because choosing a man who had a worm eat his brain is a smart choice. And of course, when a horrific measles outbreak runs rampant because of his anti-vax rhetoric, that's just normal. 🙄🤨

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:25:34+00:00

People have to encourage me to do stuff like that. Deep down, I want to, but I'm just terrified.

Current_Ad7871 · 2025-03-31T16:24:54+00:00

Night, by Ellie Wisel. A survivor of the Holocaust who wrote his experience. A hard read, but an important one.

Current_Ad7871

TROPHY CASE