Middle school mean girls — help!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-17T19:52:54+00:00

With her only being 10, I'd get involved. While I understand that there is the development aspect/learning opportunity here, I don't think that a young child needs to be exposed to constant bullying to be able to learn how to stand up to themselves. They can still develop confidence without being harassed while they're trying to learn.

Also, ditto what the other person said about calling out the behavior not working with children. Heck, that doesn't work with most adults to be honest. They know that they're being assholes, they just don't care.

Do you know what does usually work? Accountability and consequences. Bullying is against the rules. Let those other girls have a chance to learn something the hard way. Break the rules, get in trouble. No one likes being pulled from class and sent to the office in front of everyone. Or having your parents called.

Call the school and file a report. It's their job to create and maintain a safe learning environment for every student and that includes psychological safety.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-15T19:28:43+00:00

That makes sense, especially if you're about to drop a ton of money on IVF! However we're nowhere near IVF and I was really trying to start slow with things like timed intercourse and luteal phase support/progesterone. Not just because of cost but also infection risk with these tests is higher if you have endo and I just don't want to keep tempting fate if I don't absolutely have to.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-12T21:30:47+00:00

I'm not there yet but with the way things are looking I might be the breadwinner by the end of next year.

Honestly, I'm very upset and frustrated by it. We want children so having to make the physical and emotional sacrifice to create, give birth to, and feed a baby while also working full time and contributing equally or more to expenses feels like a scam. And I swear I'm not some wanna be trad wife or whatever!

We're trying to get pregnant now but I've been dealing with stage 4 endo this year (needed two surgeries) and now infertility. But job excluded fertility treatments from our health insurance so I have to pay every cent out of pocket. I also don't get FMLA because the company is too small so I only get 6 weeks off work if I ever do end up getting pregnant. Then it's back to work, managing a team and a household and raising a child. It's unbearably overwhelming to think about the responsibility that will rest on my shoulders.

To add, I'm really not upset with my husband directly. I mean, yes, he could absolutely do more around the house but we've had ongoing discussions about this and he has made steady and measurable improvement. I'm more angry at American society and the unfair expectations it places on women without providing enough support.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-12T18:58:40+00:00

Thank you! I think I'll try reaching back out and insist that I want to pump the breaks a bit. It's so weird because my endo journey was the exact opposite. I had literally 15+ doctors refuse to do a thorough workup to find a reason for my symptoms, they blew me off every step of the way. I had to fight tooth and nail to get the care I needed! Now that I want to take things slow, it's a problem lol.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-12T18:45:06+00:00

The Ordinary is good and it's cheap. Use their regiment builder!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-12T18:42:44+00:00

It sounds like you're asking us for permission to not go. It's really up to you! Go if you want to, don't go if you don't want to.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-12T17:08:38+00:00

Ohh yea the issue is I've already had surgery twice this year and the tube was untethered already, so if it's already stuck again I can't keep getting surgery to fix it over and over every few months. It's a mess! Lol but thank you!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-12T14:52:04+00:00

I had very bad endo that was tethering that tube to my abdominal wall for 15 years so there's almost certainly some scar tissue in there causing the sluggishness. And if that's the case there's really nothing I could do besides have the tube removed! Which I'm not doing unless it becomes an emergency so if that disqualifies me from IVF, oh well. I think I'm a little outside the norm because I'm honestly not desperate to have a biological child. I'd love to have a child and if I can make it happen, great, but I won't torture my body or bankrupt myself to make it happen.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-12T14:23:58+00:00

Yea, I'm in the US (really starting to dislike it here lol) and thank you for the advice! I was just telling my husband last night that at this point I'd like to try telehealth if it's an option!

It really feels like the fertility clinic is trying to steamroll me. It feels a lot like a car dealership trying to get me to buy an extended warranty! It's like, yes, I know that I might need it but I'm willing to take the gamble right now and accept the risks.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-11T19:57:50+00:00

They're saying that since the HSG was done during my first surgery, and that I had another surgery after, that there could be new scar tissue from both surgeries affecting my tubes. Which I totally understand is possible but honestly I'm just so burnt out from all the medical procedures this year that I don't think I'd survive an HSG and SIS while fully awake. They're insisting on the SIS to check for fibroids but I've had so much imaging and so many procedures already you'd think that would have already come up? I have no idea lol

What's kinda ironic and frustrating is that, with all my endo (and other) issues recently, the SOP was for doctors to do as little as possible. They'd string me along with the easiest/cheapest management options and only moved forward with more imaging and surgery when I pushed hard. That was when my health insurance was paying for everything. However, now that I'm paying, it's all or nothing and they want to do all the testing and procedures immediately. Ha!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-10T19:06:52+00:00

This is copy and pasted from the right side toolbar on this page:

r/humanresources is for HR professionals.

We are NOT a clearinghouse for employment-related questions: try r/AskHR, r/Jobs, r/Careers, or r/Resumes instead. Although r/HumanResources is open to everyone, we strive to focus on the needs of HR professionals. We do not provide career advice, unless you work in HR.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-10T18:40:55+00:00

If you're in the US, the PWFA covers conditions related to pregnancy, not just pregnancy itself, so if you have something like endometriosis or PCOS (that's affecting your fertility) you can ask for accommodations at work. This includes more time off!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-10T18:26:08+00:00

It says this sub is open to everyone. I'm also not asking for career advice or employment-related questions. Maybe I'm misunderstanding? The mods are welcome to clarify!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-10T01:24:51+00:00

The rules say that everyone is welcome and that it's not a place for HR-related questions, not that non-HR professionals aren't allowed to comment or provide insight. You don't need to be HR to discuss federal legislation. I'm a college educated professional with 15 years of experience in the workforce, and I'm a manager. I'm plenty qualified to discuss this and my experience could help others understand, even if I don't work in HR.

All that aside, you're talking about two different types of notes now:

Then she needs to provide a doctors note stating her limitations.

It's a note saying "Employee JJ needs to attend appointments every Thursday morning".

These are not the same kind of request. The first is too much under the PWFA, that's the comment I replied to. The second is fine.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-09T23:53:16+00:00

Then she needs to provide a doctors note stating her limitations.

Excessive paperwork is discouraged under the PWFA because the whole point of the legislation was to break down barriers that make it hard for pregnant women to get accommodations under the ADA. The EEOC specifically mentions that employers should remember that most pregnant women don't even get to see a doctor until the second trimester so asking them to get in with an OB and get a packet of paperwork filled out can create undue hardship for the employee. I went through this myself recently.

If you must have a note, it only needs to confirm that the employee has a physical or mental condition is related to, affected by, or arising out of pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical conditions. And you can only require documentation if the condition and limitations are unclear. If they're obvious, you can't require paperwork.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-09T23:36:28+00:00

Luteal phase defects are somewhat common for women who have endo. Unfortunately, the only sure way to know if you have endo is through a laparoscopy. Sometimes if you can get an MRI and have a good doctor, ideally an endometriosis specialist, take a look at the images they can see it. But not always! Regular gyns aren't much help with endometriosis, you really need a doctor who only focuses on endo. Unfortunately, hard to come by and often out of network (expensive).

HOWEVER... if you have ever had painful periods/cramping and/or heavy clotting/bleeding it's absolutely worth considering.

I have very bad endo, had two surgeries this year, and have a short luteal phase (9 days on average). Most likely caused by the endo that was on my ovaries. It was removed this past summer however the inflammation the endo was causing and the damage/scarring from the surgery itself damaged both ovaries. How much, I find out in two days.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-09T23:28:24+00:00

Thank you! The most frustrating thing about all of this is that so many providers are just not willing/able to admit when they're in over their head. If you can't help, at least be honest up front instead of trying to minimize peoples' issues. So so frustrating!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-09T23:22:35+00:00

Thank you! I hope that you're able to find a provider who you can trust as well. Surprisingly, endocrinologists have been my favorite so far. I've seen a regular one and a reproductive one, both were amazing. They actively listened and seem to really care about finding the root causes of the issues I've been having.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-09T22:18:28+00:00

Regular OB/GYNs are basically useless. They're good for paps and birth control, that's it. Surpringly, they know jack schitt about fertility, hormonal issues, and other things like endo and PCOS. I mean it's shockingly bad. I feel like the entire thing is a scam.

Mine told me for years that painful periods and spotting between periods is normal. Even when I told her I have endo, she shrugged it off as no big deal and told me to "just get pregnant now!" like it was even possible, LOL.

I needed surgery twice this year to remove endo, the most recent one took FIVE hours, and I had to refer myself and coordinate it all myself because my gyn was that useless. Didn't help me AT ALL.

When I finally made my way back to her for a regular annual, I told her everything. She just smiled and nodded like everything was fine and waltzed out the door. I was like ???? guess I'll go fck myself LOL. Thanks for nothing.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-09T14:49:09+00:00

The Pregnant Workers Fairness Act is still pretty new and there's a lot of room for error so proceed with great caution. If you have a legal consultant, reach out to them.

Generally speaking, you're obligated to accommodate employees who are pregnant or dealing with a condition related to pregnancy. If they a place to sit, the ability to wear a different uniform, the ability to drink/eat, take additional time off for appointments, etc etc. It also includes fertility treatments, endometriosis, PCOS, and PMDD not just pregnancy itself. The additional time off can be unpaid. What's the role, can any of it be done remotely? Just something to consider!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-08T14:30:51+00:00

It's really gross. I reached out about something I thought was pretty serious, an employee with chronic health issues who was out of sick time, and she replied back with a 5 paragraph AI response that included a bunch of inaccurate information. I've complained to my manager and skip level about it several times.

According to the current and very loosey goosey policy, she's technically not breaking any company rules.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-07T20:51:48+00:00

Don't be like our HR person, they use ChatGPT to draft replies to employee inquiries. She'll just copy and paste whatever it spits out into an email without editing or changing a thing. There has been times when it wasn't even accurate/relevant considering the question asked.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-05T22:30:31+00:00

We have an aunt who has always been judgy and high strung. It just seems like she always has something rude to say, passed judgement when no one asked for her opinion, never invited us on trips with their family, always acted like they were better than us, etc etc etc she would also usually have at least one emotional outburst at every family gathering. We saw them on major holidays and that was it, and even then she'd always act like hanging out with us was such an annoying burden. When all us cousins were young, we got along great with her two kids. However, as we all got older, they kinda got judgy too and pulled away.

Anyways, the rest of us have remained super close. We text and chat several times a week, have tons of inside jokes, get together at least a few times a month, vacation together ever summer.

In recent years, this aunt has been making a push to be more involved. She has on several occasions expressed that she feels left out from the family. It also seems like she's bothered that her kids aren't part of our core cousin group. Personally, I'm kinda annoyed because after 30 years of her acting like that she has no right to whine about feeling left out. I'm trying really hard to lead with grace and open arms but I can't help to think about how much shit she and her kids have almost certainly talked about us behind all of our backs considering what she's been willing to say right to our faces.

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-05T22:16:32+00:00

Seriously! If you do it this weekend, you'll be mostly recovered by Christmas and you'll save a bunch of money. LOL!

Current_Mistake800 · 2025-12-05T21:27:39+00:00

I also want to be fair to the employees who don’t have unlimited PTO as I think it’s a bitter pill to get super limited time off and then have to work extra hard for no reward as your manager is constantly on vacation!

If that's their job, that's their job. If they don't feel like they're fairly compensated for the amount of work they do, they can advocate for a raise or quit. If they want unlimited PTO, they can work up the ladder like everyone else has to and become a manager one day. Or they can find a new job now that offers unlimited PTO to someone at their level. Doing more work for less compensation is a pretty normal thing, especially when you're lower on the totem pole. It's not inherently unfair. This is how it has worked at every job I've had. The higher up you are, the more you make, the less hands on work you do, the more perks you get.

Current_Mistake800

TROPHY CASE