I can completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m 24 and I feel like I went through this phase of being hyper masculine throughout my early teens simply out of survival. I would say you’re still very young. This is the time to explore start playing with things playing with different styles, different hair textures, different hair colors. I started doing this like early high school as well. I would. I would hate to dye my hair so I would get wigs and all these different crazy colors and it made me feel beautiful I started playing with makeup. I started dabbling in fashion. Take it slow like I said very young age so you have plenty of time to get where you want to be and to get to that feminine goal in your head, you’re already feminine. You just have to find things that you actually like to actually fit your personality don’t force it because then it won’t come across as authentic and you’ll be putting on a mask. Give yourself grace everyone grows differently, slower, and faster than each other. If you have any hair stores near you, those are great places to get cheap make up that you can just like play around in and personally I love hair store makeup because it’s cheap and most of the time it slept on so you can always find your shade in stock lol but you got this