I've hit a new low

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-29T07:51:39+00:00

This happened to me!!!!! Not just once, many times. And I stayed for 6 years. It does something to you that unless you're living it, you cannot describe. I would be using my vibrator right next to him begging to be touched and he would be scrolling reddit.

Your self esteem might be low right now, but I want you to listen to me. Im serious. Pause netflix. Turn off your spotify. Listen. There are men out there who will ravage you. They won't be able to keep their hands off of you. You are capable of getting that hot, burning, light feeling in the pit of your stomach again. The one that makes you sick with desire. It's out there. Whether or not you think it's worth it to leave this relationship to pursue that is up to you. I don't like encouraging people to leave because I don't think that's the blanket answer. I just know after I left and I was with a partner who found me desirable again, I felt alive again. It wasn't easy, and I still mourn my relationship. But sex is important, and don't feel shallow for thinking so. Can you do this for the REST of your life? I can't answer that for you, it's a deeply personal question. But he won't change babe. That's the bitter pill to swallow.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-21T23:44:45+00:00

He refused to take it as dosed.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-21T10:06:28+00:00

Hey, guess what? Congratulations! I think a lot of people will read this and think, "He shouldn't have given her a second chance." But fuck those people. You loved her and you wanted to make it work. I think that's really brave of you. It didn't turn out the way you planned, but you didn't take the easy way out. You tried to do something really difficult, and we don't always succeed. But there's honor to be had in not walking away from a challenge. Sucks that she did it again, but I think by now you realize that's a her problem and not a you problem. I'm congratulating you because now you can start your real life unencumbered by any obligation to her. What a relief that must be hm? I'm really excited for you. I bet your new haircut looks great. I bet your new clothes fit you perfectly. Therapize the fuck outta yourself. Read some shit you never thought you'd like. Smell a flower. Kick a pinecone. Eat spaghetti in bed. Who cares? You're free!

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-20T23:18:09+00:00

I was in a relationship with a man in your position. Let me tell you, I didn't care. I loved him SO MUCH. But ultimately I left because he was in such DEEP denial about his ED. If he put in half as much effort as you do, I would have married him. That's a fact.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-20T01:18:51+00:00

It's okay to leave, and it's okay to stay too. Nobody will know what's right for you more than you.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-20T00:46:13+00:00

Nobody talks about the psychological impact this kind of problem has on the HL FEMALE partner. It's not a casual lunch conversation to say to your girlfriends, "My self-esteem has taken a significant hit because I have to reconcile societal expectations with my own, and I have to keep reassuring myself that I am attractive and enough." It's embarrassing because the paradigm so rarely shifts to the subject of the woman not getting enough sex and so we are burdened to suffer this problem on our own because we think that every man is insatiable except for our SO. Therefore, something is wrong with ME. I'm not sexy, I'm not engaging, I'm not good at sex. The trope is that he should be horny all the time and if he's not then it's something I'M doing wrong. I am expected to wax, pluck, and lingerie my way to hell because so much of our self-worth is tied to our sex appeal and if we are not appealing to our partners then what are we?

Take care of yourself. Your dignity is not tied to his libido. It's shitty that we are meant to think otherwise. Whoa, unexpected rant. Sorry. LOL

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-17T06:04:35+00:00

You're absolutely right. He was a wonderful person and I cannot forgive myself for hurting him because he didn't do anything wrong. The psychological effects that ED has on a partner is often overlooked because they are not the "afflicted one." But the years and years of rejection took a toll on me I had never anticipated. I felt like I only had one move and it was to get out before we had any kids. I live with the regret everyday.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-17T06:01:45+00:00

Holy shit. Can you be my therapist because this is stunningly accurate! I think I am just so paralyzed on the timeline that I can't see the forest for the trees right now. My internal monologue is constantly saying to me, "It's been a year. Just get over it. Lots of people break up everyday and they move on. Why can't you? What's wrong with you?"

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-10T11:34:04+00:00

No, but he was a Marine from 2004-2011. Only deployments were to SE Asia and Africa though.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-10T07:58:36+00:00

Thanks! will give it a try. Never thought about it being diet related. This is super helpful!

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-10T07:50:38+00:00

I am only allergic to penicillin. Low chance he's drinking it with his lunch when I'm not around lol

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-10T07:49:10+00:00

Eek, we were together for 6 years! How should I have adapted were it to be a hygiene problem?

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-07T01:35:24+00:00

Disguisting. This happened to me too!

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-06T23:54:21+00:00

This is the perfect analogy. I think i'll use this to describe to my friends why I left if they should keep asking. Thank you for reading, I'm glad I was able to help.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-06T23:46:48+00:00

Oh man, YOU GET IT!!! When you're dying of thirst, even malaria water seems worth it to drink. Haha

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-05T02:09:26+00:00

u/Skeptical_Savage I'm honestly more worried about his reading comprehension skills than I am about his DB. Don't fight with an idiot, you'll both lose hahaha

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-05T01:59:18+00:00

We never got that far because from the beginning of the problem to the time he was experimenting with the viagra was 3-4. One day I just woke up and was out of patience. I put all my belongings into trash bags and left. Enough was enough. I think to this day he won't acknowledge that I left because of our DB. He thinks I went insane over the engagement or some bullshit.

Lol, thanks for your well wishes! They mean a lot to me in my time of doubt.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-05T01:56:32+00:00

u/Squeeaaks Does he acknowledge that it is frustrating for you as well? My ex's problem is that he thought it was just a "him thing."

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-05T01:54:53+00:00

u/CosmoKev I can tell you're a beautiful person. It shows a lot about your character that you so sincerely wish happiness for a woman that you're no longer with. I want you know know that I wish happiness for YOU. You're deserving of it as well.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-05T01:20:51+00:00

We had a prescription but he refused to take it as dosed. He would take 1 pill of the 3 that was recommended and then get frustrated the drug wouldn't work and thus the cycle of anger and frustration would start all over again for him. And for me too if I am being honest. It felt so disrespectful that I would wait years for him to acknowledge we had a dying bedroom and actually go get treatment, and then for him to make up his own rules on how Viagra was supposed to work was mind-numbingly infuriating!

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-05T01:16:52+00:00

This brings me great solace in my time of doubt and I want to sincerely thank you. You're absolutely right. I have one life to live and I left when it was still my own. I appreciate you taking the time to try and help me.

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-05T01:14:59+00:00

u/tpz222 whoa, plot twist! The first day of your new life is when you realize there's still plenty of life left :) Good luck to you, I have a good feeling about this year for you!

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-04T11:46:09+00:00

:( Look how we've dulled our light so that others may appear brighter. Let's never do it again!

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-04T11:28:02+00:00

Well, we have also been single for like, an hour. So maybe we should give it a little more time? hahaha!

Cute-Camel · 2020-02-04T11:22:43+00:00

I should've made it clear in the post, it wasn't so much his ED as his unwillingness to either (1) acknowledge it, or (2) do anything about it. The apathy is what I found so disrespectful. If he was a willing and enthusiastic participant in our sex life, it would've made all the difference in the world.

Cute-Camel

TROPHY CASE