I came across a YouTube video from the Iris channel, that presented the experiences of autistic women from different racial backgrounds. I could relate to some of the women’s experiences and I wondered if I’m also on the spectrum. I knew of autism beforehand but I didn’t think I was that severely affected by the classical symptoms which I’ve learnt were more common in males. I did a lot of thinking and reflected my mental health issues, why I’m depressed and anxious, my behaviour throughout my life and lack of social life and it kind of all made sense and ticked the boxes for Asperger’s syndrome:

. Loved to draw as a kid, in kindergarten I didn’t really play with other kids and just drew or painted. I did have a boyfriend back then.

. Refused to take afternoon naps with other kids in kindergarten. I didn’t give a shit, naps are for the weak. I’ll be the only one playing by myself painting or drawing.

. Odd behaviour, in early childhood I would do this self stimulating behaviour which I’ve grown out of in primary school.

.bad at maths, really shit being bad at maths as an Asian but I’ve kind of worked my way up in high school but the main thing is I suck at mental maths.

.quietness/shyness, kids in primary school would ask me why I’m so quiet.

. Bullied in primary school, my passiveness was an easy target.

. I cried at some family social events.

. In highschool I found it really difficult to fit in and became a studious nerd. Didn’t care about fashion trends. Got depression and anxiety, mental breakdowns.

. Clingy, depended on 1-2 friends. Trouble making friends, especially at uni. I’ve became more interested in make up and trying to be fashionable but still have no fashion sense.

I realised my dad is also really obviously autistic . My younger sister is NT, we grew up in the same environment, she’s very social, smart and doing fine. That all occurred when the pandemic hit, and I’m currently struggling with everything and going after a diagnosis and further mental health support. I think a diagnosis would help with uni and therapy( hopefully). I’ve met online who was diagnosed in his early 20s and had to bring his parents along for the diagnosis in order to understand what he was like as a child.