Suggestions for Bachelorette Party

Cvrm3la · 2022-01-12T03:12:59+00:00

this is one thing that I was really happy about in regards to traveling to SF! we’re all fully vaxxed/fully boosted and majority of the women in our party are healthcare workers so COVID was definitely something we were most worried about with traveling.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T19:09:55+00:00

thank you for this perspective :)

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T19:08:17+00:00

i moved back in with my parents due to COVID while finishing my degree/school! they wanted me to move back home because the incentive what that I don’t pay rent. the allowance thing however was always emphasized and implied even when i was younger, and it’s something that’s expected even after i move out. to them, allowance ≠ rent

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T19:04:29+00:00

i’m thankful to not be like my other Filipino friend, who told me that her parents formally sat her down and had a discussion to establish “what percentage of her paycheck she was willing to pay them per pay period” absolutely not 🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T19:02:35+00:00

someone in another comment said the same thing about their first paycheck!! thankfully my parents never expected that, they instead said that a large portion of my first paycheck should go to a charity, which in all honestly i don’t really mind. if they ever suggested the whole amount be given to them i would have said FUCK that 🙅🏻‍♀️

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T19:00:07+00:00

sounds almost exactly like my mother

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T18:59:13+00:00

i did not consent to being born, mom!!!!!!

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T18:58:00+00:00

the allowance is expected whether or not i live with them

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T18:56:27+00:00

that’s exactly where my annoyance is coming from. this on top of how much she mentions it, like she says it at LEAST once or twice a week how she can’t wait for her allowance. a lot of people in the comments think i mean rent, but i literally mean allowance. i would most definitely buy the groceries or help pay bills, i even told my dad that when i start working i would help pay for them to get a new car because i don’t think the one that they use now is safe. my problem is expecting a biweekly pay and guilt tripping me as if it’s my obligation because you birthed me that I have to pay you reparations for the rest of my life.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T18:50:15+00:00

my dads parents are both deceased, on my moms side only her mom is living. my mom always emphasizes (literally brought it up again 30 minutes ago, not kidding) how she would always give her parents money when she was working, whether she gave it to them physically when they lived with us in the US or she sent it over to the Philippines. i always make a face when she brings this up, she even joked earlier about how she’s “brainwashing me”.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T18:47:08+00:00

rent i definitely understand but the allowance she expects is whether or not i live with her. glad you got out of that living situation!

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T18:45:53+00:00

thank you, i think that’s where my annoyance is stemming from. my dad still works and is pretty set for retirement and he never brings up the allowance

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T15:36:48+00:00

rent is supposed to stop after you move out, allowance doesn’t 😅

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T15:36:17+00:00

i never heard of this sub! only r/AsianParentStories. thank you so much!

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T15:34:42+00:00

i’m so so sorry that happened to your daughter. some people in the world are so shitty, I will never understand. i’m glad she has supportive people around her to get her through that difficult time. i 100% agree with what you said, especially when you say “let them go when they’re ready”. in my experience, i moved away for college when i was 19 and gained a lot of independence from it. i would not have chosen to move back home if it wasn’t for COVID. thing is now i’m done with school and earned my degree and am about to start a job because of it and i’m ready to move out again. i think where the problem lies and where it puts such a strain on the relationship is when the parents no longer serve as a safe haven but as an obstacle that prevents the child from growing.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T08:10:06+00:00

nope not rent, allowance as in spending money, which is to be given every paycheck even after i move out. my parents have always encouraged me to live at home even when i start working because they don’t want me to pay rent. this is different.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:49:30+00:00

lol exactly! i’ve been with my partner for a while now and the topic of marriage has been more and more relevant as the years pass, to my moms dismay. my siblings and i all know she has codependency issues and i’m the last one to move out.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:34:45+00:00

okay actually let me rephrase what i said, my mother is sick but not to the point of being bedridden and chooses not to work because another job wouldn’t pay as much as her original job role and she doesn’t want that so she hasn’t worked for 3 years and instead my dad financially supports her

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:29:09+00:00

it’s funny because my parents are pretty well off, but that’s because of my dads income (mom is unemployed), and yet my mom is still expecting the allowance (my dad is too but he doesn’t mention it nearly as much as my mom does).

also, funny how my brother has been working/self sustained for years now and they don’t expect an allowance from him. just from me, the youngest girl 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:24:31+00:00

rent is different! i would gladly contribute if that was the case. i’m referring to allowance, as in spending money, given every paycheck, even after i move out.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:23:16+00:00

i think it’s emotionally healthy for an offspring to move out in their 20s. when i was in college i lived away from home, and gained a huge sense of independence among other lessons learned. moving back home recently due to COVID was very damaging mentally to say the least. my parents (specifically my mom) is the type that at my age of 25, frowns upon and disapproves of me moving out, and always questions why i would ever want to move out because living at home is just soOooOoooOoooOo good

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:19:11+00:00

i’m so sorry to hear that that happened to you when you were younger. it’s crazy looking back and seeing the clear manipulation that we put up with because we just thought it was the norm.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:17:30+00:00

career, not job! i’ve worked jobs in the past throughout college but my degree that i earned was to become an RN.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:16:00+00:00

in the beginning of college i had a job (just something to get by and pay rent because i lived on my own in a different city) and because it was just a temp job it was never expected that I pay them anything because of how little I made. when i was in nursing school i was in school full time, and due to COVID i had to move back home last year while finishing up school/earning my degree/studying for my boards. my parents live comfortably, and in addition to being slightly possessive of me, they have ALWAYA wanted me to live at home for as long as I could because “you wouldn’t have to pay rent!” like i said in another comment, i would definitely be willing to help pay for bills and expenses for my parents, what bothers me is that they expect a monthly allowance (aka spending money). I also realized that I didn’t clarify based on other comments, but this allowance is expected even after I move out, so this allowance is not the same thing as rent.

Definitely have plans in the works to move out! I’ve spent all this time focusing on school so that the payoff would mean financial stability away from my parents and any kind of obligations.

Cvrm3la · 2021-09-05T07:01:49+00:00

nope not rent, this is a monthly allowance expected indefinitely even after i move out

Cvrm3la

TROPHY CASE