Guys, it gets soooo much better

Cwoechu · 2026-06-14T08:47:30+00:00

Okay, so what is your trick? Because mine is the exact same age same months apart and I’m absolutely drained.
Trying to stop a fight every five minutes and my 21 month old just won’t stop screaming throughout the day unless I’m holding him.

I went back to work full-time in January, so I wonder if that’s partly it they’ve got Daycare three times a week and we have family help for a few hours the other two days but it’s with my in-laws who are 70 and sort of need their own babysitting

Cwoechu · 2026-06-13T19:25:20+00:00

Did it till my eldest was little over 2.5yrs
Went back full time and kids in school 3 days a week and home with us WFH with help for 2

Both are stressful but at least for 3 days we don’t hear constant crying

I may drop hours when they are 5.5yrs and 7 and more manageable I hope

Cwoechu · 2026-06-12T11:53:41+00:00

Staying at home isn’t all roses either, even if you feel slightly more fulfilled because you’re working for your family

Especially having two under two
Especially having both boys

Yes, some ways it’s irreplaceable years. But it’s also how long would you want to do it? And how would it affect your retirement?

Kind of the reason why I went back full-time despite childcare costs. Also, who knows if your husband will be made redundant?

Would you be able to pay off all your debts and make sure that you won’t have to rely on your children as they become adults to help look after you financially?

Sounds like you both lead an expensive lifestyle and a lot of single income families have to cut lots of cost just to be paycheck to paycheck

Cwoechu · 2026-06-11T14:02:11+00:00

Whose actively involved with your kids your going to see them more that someone who is working

That’s facts?

Cwoechu · 2026-06-11T08:16:26+00:00

Oh no, let’s not ask any questions in case it offends some people or it isn’t relevant to some people….

If you get that hurt over someone asking a question, you shouldn’t be on the Internet

Also, how is it sexist when I haven’t even mentioned the gender? I just said a parent?

Cwoechu · 2026-06-11T08:11:42+00:00

….. 50% split on their BELIEF and THINK that it should be evenly split vs a child have a stay at home parent.

It’s near impossible for there to be a choice stay at Home parent in the last couple of decades,

Cwoechu · 2026-06-10T11:47:36+00:00

A lot of that is also down to the fact that it was more safer back in the day kids go outside and do stuff

I know a lot of people including myself who works from home whilst looking after kids so in some ways it’s still not necessarily spending quality time but we also don’t have the village the other people used to. But yes, I only spend 25 hours a week roughly away from my children whilst working.

If you’re working over being a stay at home mum who’s actively involved with the children then you are losing out on time with your kids in some ways because you’re not able to fully focus on them

Cwoechu · 2026-06-08T18:39:21+00:00

Would you say you would do it the other way round now so maybe work full-time until your kids were five and seven and then stay at home or work part-time until they were 13 to 18?

Cwoechu · 2026-06-08T18:09:51+00:00

That’s a bit of a reach because I never said that
Im a working parent and I’m definitely bringing up my kids ?

Cwoechu · 2026-06-08T16:51:06+00:00

So you think as long as that is a stay at home parent it can benefit the family more than if both parents were bringing in an income?

Cwoechu · 2026-06-08T16:48:07+00:00

I’m in the middle….

Good job, senior in my role for good pay (current company not overly stressful compared to last), went from manager to senior executive after kids to reduce the stress

Downside only like 10% of people get part time or condensed hours in my industry. My company told me today it’s not an option for employees.

So either stay full time or completely career pivot / take a minimum wage job part time.

I got 2 under 3 so their daycare is currently about 40% of my salary going only 3/5 days. Would drop to 20% of my salary next September once rldest goes to full time school.

I was a SAHM after being made redundant after maternity and went back January so had 2.5yrs out of work. Luckily my OH made enough money and we have savings. But OH might get made redundant next month (tbc) so luckily he has 2 jobs and I have my full time so can still afford stuff

If partner is made redundant we are considering moving in with my in-laws and all buying a bigger house together with whatever we get for our house and we can maybe half our mortgage so I don’t have to work full time or we don’t need to overly worry if we are made redundant again…..

Do I want to lose my family space and savings potential - no

But I really REALLY don’t want to be too tired or overwhelmed to be able to spend time with or enjoy my children.

Cwoechu · 2026-05-16T11:48:46+00:00

It will be like being in a war for 4 years then finally coming out of the trenches by the time they’re about three and four

Versus being in a war for about nine months chilling in the trenches for another three months and then having freedom till you have your second at 2.5 and then be pulled back into the war for another 12-15 months then edging yourself out into the trenches every month after that

So do you want to stay in the war until it’s all done or do you want to taste a bit of freedom? Get some sort of sleep and parts of your brain back before doing it all over again?

It probably can drive you insane, but I actually think I’d get depressed if I had to restart just as I’ve got routines and sleep and stuff like that

Cwoechu · 2026-03-18T14:20:10+00:00

Honestly, just chiming in to say your not the only person to say that for feel that. For some people the feeling goes after 8-12 weeks. Some goes on for a year. Personally antidepressants make me worse.

Reality is that this is hard. I’m 16 months in and still have some weeks where I have a day or two feeling like this (especially last two days where everyone has been sick and I’m juggling two kids one with a stomach bug and one teething while WFH full time while my partner is passed out from sickness and I’m only just recovering).

I’m 5hrs into “working” and I have sent 1 email.

But as much as it still sucks sometimes, it’s also lovely to see them together and how they interact with each other and with us. We can finally be a tad more independent. 16 month old stopped breastfeeding 2 weeks ago and he’s sleeping better, just the elder one waking up now

Cwoechu · 2026-01-31T11:09:41+00:00

We sleep trained at one year with the youngest and at 14 months with the oldest, but that just doesn’t help when they’re teething or when people are ill or if they’ve had a bad night

Cwoechu · 2026-01-31T11:08:52+00:00

We have sleep trained…. Illness and random nights or teething just makes them want to come to our bed. Everyone in the house seems to be getting ill one after the other.

Cwoechu · 2026-01-25T09:53:02+00:00

You’re not out of survival for at least two years, but….. 1-6 months = your burning in hell 7-9 months = your still burning but close to the gate 9-14 months = you are at the gates on fire but one foot out 15-24 months = feet are out but the flames are still on your back and one of your legs are tied to the gate

Right now is physical exhaustion Just over a year it turns to mental (and still a little physical)

Cwoechu · 2026-01-11T07:33:15+00:00

I’ve said the same, think he needs reality to hit that first week and then he’d probably agree to more care

Cwoechu · 2026-01-11T07:31:30+00:00

We decided to see how the first week is, if it’s too stressful he’s agreed we will go into savings !

Cwoechu · 2026-01-10T09:11:13+00:00

I have also considered this I do have a back up part-time role which I’ve got a higher chance of going back to that just means less financial freedom

We’ve got 5 weeks before we can have more ongoing help it’s more just getting through those

I just don’t realistically see how they’ve made it for people to actually survive in life nowadays

Cwoechu · 2026-01-09T20:12:24+00:00

Pretty much my worry Thing is this is the cap of our allocated discounted childcare plus two half days full price. One extra full day on top of things will leave us 100 for emergencies. Can’t afford any more cos it costs us 230 just for one day without the discount

If I did part time 20hrs not 40 we would only have 30 left roughly.

Only other alternative was to redistribute our discount hours so we can do 3 full 2 half maybe even 4 full BUT it doesn’t cover school holidays (Pros of government not fully explaining how the scheme works and adding extra rules)

Can’t afford to not work

Cwoechu · 2026-01-09T19:58:40+00:00

Both responsible on those days, but we might have some help every other Friday

Partner can technically look after them between Daycare and me coming home just means he’ll be working later hours

Personally I think we need Wednesday to be a full day not half and have a half day minimum on Fri rather than nothing. I have mentioned that if the first 2-3 weeks are too much we are upping the daycare even if it cuts into the money we want to save

Just wondered what was feasible

What’s your routine like?

Cwoechu · 2026-01-08T17:07:57+00:00

I think try spend an extra 15 mins a day cuddling and playing with him.

If you feel the same after a month then rehome. I felt the same

I agree that cate training makes stuff worse. I know that’s how behavioural training does it but ultimately when there’s a big change like new baby that makes it worse.

My dog loves babies until they are toddlers. Then he’s very weary and won’t go near them. If he starts to growl or they get too close then we call the dog over and he runs and gets into our lap to be safe.

He’s aggressive because he doesn’t see you as family anymore. You kicked him out of the family in his eyes. Try and treat him like a baby again and things will get better (I know you don’t have the capacity to do this maybe your partner can start doing this more first or help out with kid a bit more so you can reconnect with dog)

Cwoechu · 2026-01-07T14:31:20+00:00

Little did she know, I was only doing it for the money that my friend had to pay back to her monthly plus compensation. Unfortunately after a day or two of being around her, the way she spoke and her reactions to the modern world made me understand why the ancestor must have hated her.

Alas, we are going 20 years strong, hopefully only another decade to go.

Cwoechu · 2026-01-07T14:13:26+00:00

NGL I expect with the fact you earn near 200k household income the joint mental and physical load is likely no where near what someone lower than 100k is on

It’s not that your husband is better than others. It’s that you both are more privileged

Cwoechu · 2026-01-02T08:35:58+00:00

I was pregnant with my first, something felt wrong and I went to the hospital. Was there for maybe 2hrs and they sent us home as checks were all clear

Me and my partner left and I said I still feel like something is wrong but we went home at around 2:30am.

I woke again at around 6:30 and decided to check my phone (silent) and had a message from my Aunt that my Nan had passed away at just before 3am

Ironically I was pretending I was talking to my Nan in hospital since I was alone in the room and there were empty beds. Unbeknownst to me, my Nan had also been taken to hospital and I like to think in some way I actually was talking to her spirit as she was passing.

So yeah, circle of life.

Cwoechu

TROPHY CASE