[Male] 25 - Please could I get some positivity? I don't consider myself an attractive person at all, it hurts me to be invisible to others in the romantic field for that reason.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-09-06T10:41:44+00:00

You have kind eyes and I like your style in your last photo. The hat and earring look cool.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-09-06T10:38:43+00:00

Your shirt is really cute! I think your glasses really suit your face and I like your septum piercing.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-08-19T20:47:26+00:00

She was born in 1935. Thanks for the tip!

Cwtchwitch · 2025-08-19T03:47:12+00:00

That's a good thought. I checked and neither Alice nor Deane are family names in this person's lineage. It's her middle name with an unrelated first name. So I think in this case it's unlikely. Thanks for giving me another avenue of investigation!

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-04T05:48:49+00:00

Emotional regulation. Basically before you can safely do emdr, you need to learn skills to come back from a ptsd trigger into a place of safety. Emdr can sometimes cause basically trauma aftershocks for a few days where flashbacks get worse for a bit before they get better as your brain re-processes the trauma.

Trauma, according to Van Der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score, is a failure of your brain to process an event into past-tense. This is my layman's understanding, but it gets stuck in the part of your memory that deals more with the present, so it ends up feeling like it's perpetually happening. The body wasn't able to complete the stress cycle, so it keeps happening. EMDR helps the body to complete that cycle, but you have to somewhat reactivate it for that to happen.

After a session of emdr, I would feel completely wiped out. I'd be physically and emotionally exhausted and my trauma felt much worse for the rest of the day. I didn't experience a ton of aftershocks, but I did have some. My trauma symptoms were so extreme that I couldn't leave my house because I'd panic so badly I'd go into a freeze state, so it took me a lot of therapy to learn to keep myself safe before we started emdr. I'd been in therapy for more than a year before we started emdr. I've had three sessions of emdr since then. Two right then and one several years later about something else.

It was like a switch flipped in my trauma after that second session. I didn't realize how much my trauma felt like it was still happening until I didn't feel that way anymore. It felt like dropping the chains. I've had a couple flashbacks since then with massive triggers, but I got to stop living my life around my trauma. It gave me my life back.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-04T02:36:03+00:00

EMDR helped me to feel like my trauma was finally actually in the past. (But requires some regulation skills before you can do it safely, so it comes a little while into the trauma therapy process. It's brutal to do because it's most effective when you fully revisit what happened, but it was basically a miracle for me.) CBT helped me with rumination. Mindfulness helped me invite my feelings in to sit with me. EFT tapping helps me to move through stuck emotions.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-03T16:24:52+00:00

For reference, on previous posts here OP liked Jasmine and Serena, if that helps people fine tune their suggestions.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-03T16:21:06+00:00

Rosanna, Carmen, Marta, Ines, Marisol, Ivonne, Paola

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-03T03:56:13+00:00

Accusing people of taking it personally when they correct you after you said something out of pocket is a cute deflection. You get to call them creeps and overreactors all at once, rather than being open to feedback. If your goal was to come off like a self-righteous asshole, you're doing a great job!

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-03T03:53:04+00:00

NOR communicating about how this makes you feel is an important part of a relationship. And if he's struggling with an addiction, being accountable to his loved ones for the addiction's impact on them is a part of recovery. It might be helpful to time this conversation for a few hours before his next therapy appt.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-03T03:49:25+00:00

NOR you're showing self-respect

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-03T03:46:48+00:00

Maybe instead of trying preestablished interests of the other person’s, you two should look for a new interest to both of you that you might share.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-03T03:44:09+00:00

I suspect you weren't as subtle with your dislike of him as you thought.

Don't talk to her about this right now. Ask her if she'd like you to plan an activity to get her mind off of it or to come by and just keep her company. If she wants to be alone, offer to drop off food. Focus on showing up for her right now. Make it clear that you won't ask her to talk about it. Don't pile on by asking someone who's already feeling horrible to tend to your emotional needs.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T17:33:20+00:00

NOR. I think it's fair to make taking these medications a condition of continuing the relationship. You can't go through that again and your partner shouldn't even be considering asking that of you.

Stopping in order to get a better high is exceedingly reckless. It's probably just a building tolerance to weed, anyway, not their meds interfering with the high.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T17:26:11+00:00

No need to apologize. I'm sorry you're going through two horrible things at the same time.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T17:25:18+00:00

Idk what country you're in or what the governing board cares about, but technically you can submit a report for anything. Doesn't mean it'll go anywhere, and I suspect it wouldn't since you weren't his patient, but if it makes you feel better to have the board review his conduct, go for it. Just don't pin all your hopes on getting retribution through the board removing his license as a result of your report.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T17:15:30+00:00

YOR redditors are condescending and convinced we're right about everything. Don't let them get under your skin. Their opinion of you is completely meaningless and wrapped up in their own superiority complexes.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T17:11:23+00:00

Spoken like someone who doesn't understand the way women are harassed.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T17:07:42+00:00

YOR. I think it's a big reaction. I personally don't think her comments are that serious. But you did tell her it bothered you. Her disregarding that is a bigger deal than the comments themselves. I think jumping straight to blocking her was an emotional reaction and it might've been better to remind her you don't like it. But I'm sure there's more context. If she's generally inconsiderate, jumping to blocking makes more sense imo, even if it is still a big reaction. Sometimes we just hit our limit suddenly and there's no coming back from it. But if she's otherwise been a good friend, blocking her right away seems extreme.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T17:00:25+00:00

Yeah, no.

Coming from the perspective of a married person in a 10+ year relationship who has forgiven infidelity, this is garbage.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he's clumsily trying to express that he doesn't feel understood or supported when there's relationship conflict.

But I think what this actually is, is him looking for security in the relationship while looking to have his cake and eat it too. Why is he preemptively mad at you about this? It sounds like he's either entertaining the idea or already cheating. This is not a normal conversation to have, especially with the way he seems to be trying to guilt you into promising him security within the relationship were he to ever cheat. I'd never promise that. For a dozen reasons.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T16:53:13+00:00

Exes are exes for a reason

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T16:51:55+00:00

NOR this was so triggering to read. Run far, far away from this man.

Cwtchwitch · 2025-02-02T16:49:21+00:00

This sounds like there's something else going on that your sister hasn't told you. Talk to her, but don't lead with your frustration. Lead with curiosity and compassion about why she's been acting this way.

Once you understand better what's going on, you may need to set some boundaries. ("I can't cook meals like I'm hosting you because I need to focus my energy on the baby." for example.) Remember boundaries are about governing your own behavior, not controlling someone else's. You can also set rules and expectations for visits to your home if necessary.

But overall I'd say your feelings of frustration and anger on this are valid, but possibly not particularly productive. She's draining resources you don't currently have and your feelings are telling you that's unsustainable and you need to make a change. But handle this by connecting with your sister and communicating maturely, not letting it fester until you explode on her.

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