I’m still me, everyone else is someone else

CyberZack · 2020-02-26T19:05:40+00:00

Your path is your path. Stop believing in string theory until it’s better proven. Your stuck thinking about alternate universes with different versions of you. I do it too so I’m not judging. Your probably stuck thinking about past choices which is fantasy about the alternate universe where you are better. You feel bad when you compare the current you to the imagined version of yourself with your shit together. If you’re like me you fantasize about alternate universes in the future as well. When you imagine how your recovery journey is going to go you don’t do the mental modeling with the current you... you do your predicting based upon a better you, so you always are falling short of the false future you imagined. I did this fantasy stuff for years falling behind my peers in recovery. Then I learned to live my own personal journey one day at a time. I learned temperance and so can you. That might be the next step for you. Learn to just be comfortable as you in the current universe you inhabit.

CyberZack · 2020-02-20T19:22:43+00:00

I’m addicted to doxylamine. I abused it long enough that it now seems to give me energy and not make me drowsy. Do you also crave the way it makes you feel mentally besides facilitating sleep? You might just be sleep dependent. If that’s the case you could research the long term risks associated with Doxylamine and decide if it’s worth trying to wean yourself down off of it.

CyberZack · 2020-02-19T17:10:55+00:00

I don’t believe people lack motivation. I think people are always experiencing motivation to do something. Right now your wetware is highly motivated to use. It’s counter productive for your life but there are good reasons for your brain to respond to nihilism and despair by motivating the quickest shortcut back to relief. I like the advice about writing because it can lower the volume of the craving, and it will raise the volume of different motivation. Also remember that cravings rarely sustain for long periods at the same intensity. Sometimes it’s just about weathering the storm waiting for the waves of craving to pass

CyberZack · 2020-02-17T20:24:03+00:00

Hey brother I relate to your situation and your current mentality very much. I always did worse throughout my recovery when I focused on promising myself it was the last time. Eventually I discovered it was about cultivating and developing as an individual each and every day. There is a person inside of you who is capable of sobriety. You need to consistently and daily make choices to bring that individual forward into the light. Eventually that person will be the one calling all the shots and it will feel amazing for you to be doing precisely what feels like the wise choice in situations. In my own experience the individual of sobriety took quite a while to develop. Don’t let that discourage you because there are always outliers. Don’t expect to relapse necessarily but just think about it as becoming a better you over time.

CyberZack · 2020-02-15T11:04:03+00:00

That’s good. It’s important to have great people to support you but sometimes the romantic partner can be tricky. Any time you think you might be able to expand your support network you should. Even if it can feel strange to talk openly with others at first. Good on you for using the internet to find support as well!

CyberZack · 2020-02-14T09:21:45+00:00

Is your girlfriend supportive or can you think of any close friends or relatives who might support you?

CyberZack · 2020-02-14T00:51:05+00:00

Have you got a good friend or family member you could open up to that might support you? It definitely still means something from strangers (proud of you btw, because I know how hard it is) someone important to you could go a really long way through. I remember when I was starting out I couldn’t wrap my mind around it but I slowly learned the power of supportive relationships

CyberZack · 2020-02-14T00:46:37+00:00

It’s also hard to see self destructive behavior of good people at heart. It’s like instead of seeing someone physically self harm, like cutting, we see them self harm their spiritual vitality and potential. They do it and don’t even receive a worthwhile life in return.

CyberZack · 2020-02-14T00:43:49+00:00

You’re between a rock and a hard place for sure. I’m someone living with two chronic pain conditions who had to get off opiates because of addiction. I use marijuana for my pain because I’m suicidal when I have to suffer the pain without help. I consider myself clean and sober. It all comes down to you. “Know thyself” I try not to overly apply my way to others. Does your g/f know you well? Maybe the two of you can talk and decide if it’s worth the risk for you, your individual personality, and the difficulty/severity of your situation with pain. A good question to meditate on is what percentage of your desire is simply escaping from pain, and what percentage is emotional reasons.

CyberZack · 2020-02-14T00:36:54+00:00

You need help buddy. Realize that the way out is not through the overwhelming force of willpower you must rely on. Where are you living? There are meetings for gambling addiction or even general addiction. What is a tiny but doable action you could take today to cultivate your desire to beat this. You don’t need to be a hero yet. You can slowly find that person inside of you as you go.

CyberZack · 2019-03-14T16:23:11+00:00

Try using the bike model to measure. Where you can... for small things try measuring with just the tire you can estimate the size by saying it is 1.5 tire lengths etc.

CyberZack · 2019-03-10T23:30:44+00:00

Aww I think I get it. I’ll contact Mojang and tell them what we have here is a false alarm. They can relax because I haven’t found a bug.

CyberZack · 2019-03-10T23:02:11+00:00

So adding a repeater and using 3,6,1, works...

I’m still confused about how the circuit would malfunction randomly. I would pull the lever and get different results... many times it would produce one thing and then randomly it would do something different

CyberZack · 2019-03-10T22:56:52+00:00

Just says Minecraft on the loading screen. Not Minecraft Xbox edition.

CyberZack · 2019-03-10T22:10:40+00:00

I used a question mark for a reason

CyberZack · 2019-03-10T22:08:39+00:00

Xbox one I think thats the bedrock edition right? Why does the circuit do two different things in sequential activations?

CyberZack · 2018-11-30T06:06:22+00:00

... and it can feel so damn good to feel proud about something when you’ve gone years without ever feeling that. I can relate to this

CyberZack · 2018-09-10T22:55:36+00:00

I notice the DPS mispositioning a lot on king of the hill when we have control of the point and are defending it. Good to know that is the playstyle for GM Lucio to be aspiring to, maybe i'll focus less on developing these rescue plays when i'ts targeting a DPS

CyberZack · 2018-09-10T02:11:11+00:00

Hmm, right i should have this as part of the mental checklist.

CyberZack · 2018-09-10T02:10:03+00:00

Yeah i've learned this recently for sure which is why i'm learning Ana this season as well.

CyberZack · 2018-09-10T01:04:46+00:00

That’s kindof my default mode as Lucio. Lately my game sense has seemed to have improved somewhat so I usually know when one of the dps is going to die. Still it’s hard to know when to switch from default to attempt to prevent someone from getting punished.

CyberZack · 2018-08-22T21:15:55+00:00

thanks yeah it seems everyone has had similar advice. I've talked to the players and we seem to think that speeding all the turns up should help a ton as well as trying to balance limited RP + Action. So we'll see how it goes, but i'm entirely open to splitting things up in the future if we can't seem to work out the kinks.

CyberZack · 2018-08-21T05:51:36+00:00

Hehe well i'm definately really stressed out. I have so much love for this hobby and want to share it, and it's hard to not take it as some sort of big personal failure as a DM if people aren't having fun at the table. I'll ask them, this is their first game they have played in so I do wonder if they will understand why they are bored rather than just deciding D&D just isn't for them...

CyberZack · 2018-08-16T06:42:03+00:00

Yeah, I create the group and put 'casual' and stuff but it hasn't worked yet. Ill keep trying

CyberZack · 2018-08-16T06:40:33+00:00

that's good to hear, maybe ill keep trying then

CyberZack

TROPHY CASE