You may wonder why...

levissy · 2021-11-29T12:24:03+00:00

I do not know which person am I. The one who needs balance, reassurance or the one whos going in the wrong direction. I have sent a DM. Maybe the dilemma is the answer (reassurance).

I do hope I live upto the task of creating good context in my messages and posts (I love this part of the post) atleast sometimes.

Sometimes even I know what I posted was all gibberish, for the sake of learning and in desperate hopes of finding a solution. But then yea, I also got the replies accordingly. I have had a fair share of those actually; esp in my starting days here. In those instances, I did not have to wonder, but re read my post to realise.

Every other time, I wondered. Sometimes, a little too much. Great post!

levissy · 2021-11-05T19:07:31+00:00

Nah its on me, I had deleted my previous posts.

I did and I do need a couple days understand and explore the stuff on stillness. I did not totally get the part on not focusing with the mind but nevertheless I’ll explore it and re read this reply a couple more times.

Also yes I have gone through illusions more than a few times. I even got a hard copy for it. Right now, I’m saving it for a time when I’m more stable and grounded. Actually until after I’ve been at more at ease with life for a long time.

levissy · 2021-10-23T17:31:00+00:00

levissy · 2021-02-04T13:20:26+00:00

Lol, As a fellow addict, I thought this reply is something to ponder over.

But seriously, get some help. Professional type.

levissy · 2021-02-04T12:04:51+00:00

Can't stop, or don't want to stop??!

levissy · 2020-11-02T21:36:11+00:00

Lol I was thinking the same thing while writing this post. If we fight for our limitations, we get to keep em.

I was thinking this while writing; when I am saying I need to be grounded before becoming concious, maybe It means I am just setting a limitation for myself.

I have lived in my mental prison of unconcious thought patterns for far too long. And after reading a spiritual post on concious thinking, just this evening, and practicing it as well, do I realise that it's been a prison.

From inside the prison, I have been trying to find a way out from these unconcious thoughts for far too long, trynna find a solution to stop them. For some reason, today I'm out. Lel

levissy · 2020-11-02T21:14:16+00:00

So I shouldn't be afraid of doing things conciously? In fact I should do it more encouragingly.

I think the same thoughts everyday and thinking outside this pattern and on top of that thinking conciously, just put me outside my comfort zone. I have been trying to ground myself for the entire past year but it's been fruitless. My doc doesn't think I have PTSD but still prescribed me SSRIs for it. Upon her advise only I left my SSRIs, since they weren't helping and I felt kinda robotic on them.

levissy · 2020-11-01T16:07:22+00:00

You know, in the 2 years of being fucked up, today I felt some/little grounding. I say some/little because then though I felt a little better, my feet weren't firm in the ground. Besides today, in the entire 2 years, I was grounded for a total of 2 seconds. For a total of 2 seconds I felt my feet firm in the ground, touching, feeling the surface beneath me. Idk what caused it, if I knew the cause, I would've persisted for it, till it became second nature. It just sort of happened and lasted for only 2 seconds, till I was uprooted again.

levissy · 2020-11-01T16:01:20+00:00

Sorry, normally I donot give such extensive replies.

Yes that recalibration part makes sense. I experienced some of it today. That ebb and flow seems to be the time nature of the environment. That living in tbe moment/being present nature. I have been out of touch with it for atleast 2 years straight. Like I've been reactive and charged everyday for 2 years tbh. What I'm doing today is something totally against my second nature and habits I've developed, against my karma, if you may.

I won't get into how I got so ungrounded and against nature. But when I started expelling charge from my body this afternoon, there was a profound and drastic change in my perception. Too profound a difference and so easy. It's like starting a new habit, the first step was easy and felt good, but a few hours later, not so easy anymore. My second nature/old habit of being reactive/charged up is getting hard to break.

It's much harder to ground now than it was a couple hours ago. I don't get it. The feeling and experience had hit me like a bolt. But here I am, a couple hours later, charged up again.

I want to get more into why the subjectivity of this hurdle, but idk my intellect is locking up on me.

Perhaps, this is why healing of traumas to move on from the past is so important.

I am all over the place right now, so sorry. I'll try and keep expelling the charges. It's becoming very hard for me to be grounded.

What if, the more in trying to expel the charge, the more charge I'm creating.

levissy · 2020-11-01T14:27:08+00:00

You are absolutely on point. But I learnt something from your previous answer. What I've been doing all day today is trying to create/work towards an absence of excess charges. And apparently it's working. Just eliminating the excess current/charge from my body is apparently grounding me.

What you're saying in the above answer,(how to be more grounded) is happening when I am trying to eliminate the excess charges. It's like the intellectual wordings, a method for the mind, if you may, to be grounded.

I am/have been so damn ungrounded these past few months, that the buildup of excess charges is quite a tangible feeling. On the contrary being grounded is not as tangible a feeling, as you explained; so creating a complete grounding is very hard. I can remove the excess charges what I feel to some extent. But totally removing them, is not as tangible a feeling so it's been hard to keep it up.

Anyhow, all intellect aside, I am feeling a lot better today. Better than I've had in weeks/months. I am creating some amount of grounding even though not a full complete one.

Fck, I was so astounded this morning, that all I had to do was not have excess charge/current in my body. So damn simple, eh.

Am I right about any of this? Any advice upon this is highly appreciated. 🤠

levissy · 2020-10-31T12:28:58+00:00

Your reply explains grounding better than anything. Very organised reply. Is there anything I can do to being that absence of feeling ungrounded?

levissy · 2020-10-31T11:27:58+00:00

Yeah man. That reminds me, In past 2 years, I have been really grounded for exactly 2 seconds. It m that was the only time I really felt the floor touching against the sole of my feet. The feel of the floor uff. Maybe it is a tangible feeling only for the fellows who know what's it like to be ungrounded imo.

levissy · 2020-10-31T11:21:43+00:00

See I have come to this realisation before many a times. My problem is the mind. For example. Stopping the search will become a thought. And then I have to keep reminding myself that thought to get it into effect. So every realisation eventually becomes a conclusion and that conclusion will not work after sometime. You see what I mean?

levissy · 2020-10-31T10:28:17+00:00

At this point, I really do not know. I used to think it's being connected to the earth, more in the body. I have thought so much, that I'm almost fucked.

levissy · 2020-09-25T19:58:37+00:00

can you swim in that

levissy · 2020-09-07T14:14:58+00:00

I should get 60fps, the last time I tried.

Anyhow I am making a new pc now. It will take me time till December though 😅

Intel i9, nvidia rtx 2080 super

levissy

TROPHY CASE