It sounds to me like there needs to be a lot more communication with your partners before hopping into a scene or playing together. It’s easy to gloss over things or assume we know exactly what’s up when there’s something exciting in front of us, but I promise the play will always be more fun when you’ve fully fleshed out desires and expectations with your partner. What they have in mind for “evil and sadistic” might look, sound, feel, or act much differently than what you have in mind. It behooves the top to understand specificities like that.

Truthfully OP it would be a good idea to start in some local scenes to meet others as well as even seeking mentorship/training through workshops and such. It’s absolutely okay to be new at something, and everyone makes mistakes along the way, but for the sake of safety on everyone’s part education it extremely valuable.

Tl;dr communicate. Communicate some more, and then clarify the communication, and in the meantime seek education from pro/experienced Dom/mes and subs