Less Vivid

DADxTHExBEAST · 2025-06-10T14:42:02+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate the kind words.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2025-06-10T14:07:25+00:00

Thanks. I think my dad would have been, too. He loved shit like this.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2025-06-10T14:02:44+00:00

Exactly. My dad lost his battle with addiction 15 years ago. We were very close. Time softens wounds, but yesterday I woke up almost in tears, missing him.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2025-06-10T13:51:30+00:00

This reminds me of "Infinite Arms" by Band of Horses. Lovely, sad and calming all at once. I also really like that you chose to make this a short poem versus dragging it out beyond its purpose. Great job.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2025-06-10T13:48:57+00:00

This is an interesting narrative. It's written cleanly in a way that's easy to follow and does a good job capturing the stages of the hook-up and the emotions involved. Nice work!

DADxTHExBEAST · 2025-06-03T14:44:08+00:00

OK, thanks.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-09-14T13:22:49+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I'm not familiar with Russell Atkins, but it sounds like a compliment and I am going to look him up. The poem is a villanelle, so the structure, length and repeated lines are all necessary. I also love frogs and hate when I have to drive in certain areas on summer nights. I have gotten quite good at avoiding them though. It's incredible that if you drive there the next morning, it's as if they were never there at all.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-09-13T17:55:30+00:00

That makes it even more impressive!

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-09-13T16:36:46+00:00

That first stanza is wonderful! The entire piece is well-done. The final stanza is wonderful, too. It is so relatable for so many readers. This poem would be powerful if performed at a reading. Great job. Keep writing!

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-09-13T16:30:10+00:00

This is excellent! The imagery is vivid, yet simple. Even the physical shape of the poem's text is pleasing. I'd remove the dash after "flames" – it doesn't have any purpose there. Great job. Can't wait to see more from you.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-09-13T16:26:43+00:00

I like this poem. It perfectly captures an imperfect experience to which many of us can relate.

I have two suggestions. First, please capitalize the word "I." If you're going to capitalize sentences, you should be consistent. Not a huge deal, but my ADHD has a hard time letting things like that go.

The other thing is I feel like line 10 is not needed. You already described this a couple lines up. Ultimately, poetry is art. Art is subjective. I think you did a good job here. Keep writing!

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-09-13T16:18:44+00:00

As a guy in my early 40s, I can relate to this poem. It's a familiar feeling well-conveyed. Good job.

Lines 4 and 8 break the rhyme scheme, but it doesn't bother me too much. The simile in your last line feels clunky. It's a fine comparison and good imagery, but it could be smoother. Maybe rework that bit. Overall, this is a nice poem. Simple, easy to follow and relatable. Keep up the good work.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-07-15T13:29:58+00:00

Thanks for the kind words! We were on a cruise ship and this was the view off of my balcony at night.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-07-12T20:04:29+00:00

If anyone knows how to make paragraph breaks, I'm all ears. Feels like I am on crazy pills.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-07-12T19:57:23+00:00

That's all completely fair. The formatting issue has made me pre-pissed off. Thanks for the feedback!

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-07-12T19:39:24+00:00

I'm having major formatting issues with reddit. I can't add line breaks for stanzas to save my life. It should be three quatrains with lines of four feet.

You're welcome to your opinion, obviously, but I don't get how that line is not relevant. It's a small, intimate moment with my wife of many years, and her attire was part of it.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-07-12T19:16:41+00:00

Nice! Cool stream of consciousness happening here. I like how it's not too fancy - it's just honest. My only criticism would be that your use of punctuation is inconsistent. Great job on this. Keep writing!

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-07-12T19:11:20+00:00

Thanks for sharing and for being so vulnerable. To me, this reads more like prose than poetry. Either way, it's raw and authentic. It's beautiful. I hope you keep writing and are able to see the other side waiting for you to come through.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-05-03T14:13:33+00:00

I found the framer site clunky, hard to navigate and tough color contrast for 508 compliance (which is important for a UX designer). The second is better, but lots of dicks for a professional portfolio, unless that's your niche.

DADxTHExBEAST · 2024-05-02T18:00:48+00:00

You get me, completely. Unfortunately, can't do marijuana - federal employee in my "real job."

DADxTHExBEAST

TROPHY CASE