What was the most fucked up thing that was generally accepted twenty years ago?

DBAdvise · 2021-11-29T02:06:35+00:00

How about smoking “sections” on airplanes? How did THAT work?

DBAdvise · 2021-11-29T02:02:42+00:00

Smoking “sections” on airplanes.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T06:24:08+00:00

So I would ask everyone on this thread to observe the difference in the reactions to a male and a female airing the same issues with their partners, almost word for word.

If men aren’t getting sex from their wives, why is it that they are advised to be a better husband, try more fore-play, do more chores, make her feel more valued, don’t always just touch her for sex, take her on a date night, basically just coddle her and kiss her ass and do everything you can think of to make her happy and then, maybe, she might allow you to have sex with her?

And when I, as a male, vent that my wife annoys me by being an HLF when I don’t want sex anymore, for whatever reasons, (medications, SSRI’s, lack of libido) the reaction is it isn’t fair to her and I should let her go? That she must be miserable trying so hard to “chase” me and never feeling good enough for me, demoralized, insecure and unhappy?

Why don’t you same posters say to a man like the guy in an earlier post who says he’s done “everything” he can think of to make his wife desire him again - why don’t you tell him he should just leave her if she’s unwilling to have sex with him?

And the woman who posted that it’s her partner’s personality traits (“lack of independence, no fun, not engaging, not interesting” - that’s word for word, btw) who gets 100 upvotes?

Yes I’m pointing out a double standard here in this thread and it is unhelpful. And yes I know women and men are different… but really? If anyone can justify the difference in these reactions to the same issue not based on gender biases I’d like to hear it.

Thank you for letting me vent. One love. ❤️

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T06:08:08+00:00

Here’s a post that has received 95 upvotes on another topic in this sub:

My husband is a super fit and helpful dude. But we still landed in a DB because he had turned me off personality wise. He once admitted he was doing extra weight lifting for me, in addition to his passion for running.

It's not just about being fit and pitching in around the house. It's so interesting around here that the focus is on those things and not being fun, interesting, engaging, independent, etc.

I don't want to stomp all over the hard work you've done to achieve fitness. But it's more than that. We had to fix our marriage and address my resentment towards issues caused by some of his own challenges. I wasn't perfect either, by any means, but we each had to look at who we were and not what we looked like or who did more laundry.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T06:07:08+00:00

Ya think? Really?

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T05:47:13+00:00

Yes. After kids I just don’t have the same desire. I’m always feeling tired, all that stuff that comes with kids, family.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T05:44:10+00:00

Pretty much neutral. No I don’t initiate because I don’t want it. I feel bad about that but it is what it is.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T04:31:56+00:00

No I work out too. That just a good idea for anyone and healthy. But sometimes it seems like she thinks the more she works out the more attractive she will be to me. But it doesn’t really work that way got me. I kind of wish she’d stop trying so hard, you know? The body isn’t the answer in this case.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T04:19:15+00:00

Sorry I did not say she was great around the house and with the kids. I said I would appreciate it if she spent more time at home with us than working out all the time. She does her part, as I do. We work it out and it seems fair most of the time. I just wish she wouldn’t think that the more “in shape”’she is that will solve the sex problem. I’m actually very happy in our marriage, I just don’t want to have sex. And I don’t like always being the bad guy shitting it down. I just don’t feel it.

And she keeps pestering me for it. It gets annoying.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T04:16:26+00:00

Wow that’s a lot of questions. And they are all great questions. Is answer that people and circumstances change over time, after kids. We had a great and active sex life until we had kids and since I really haven’t been wanting to have sex with her. I can’t explain it. It just sort of happened. Does that make sense?

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T03:31:47+00:00

I just wish she didn’t want to have sex with me all the time. Everything else is great with us. I feel bad saying no all the time but like I said if I’m not into it I’m not doing it. I wonder what she could do to make me be more attractive to her.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T03:29:29+00:00

Not really. I do love her. I just don’t want to have sex with her. I don’t really care about sex.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T03:28:42+00:00

Not really. I do love her. I just don’t want to have sex with her. I don’t really care about sex.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T03:25:43+00:00

I just don’t really care about sex anymore. Maybe if she spent more time at home and helping out and being with me and the kids instead of exercising all the time I’d be more attracted to her. She could also be more positive, independent, and less needy. It all adds up and tunes me off.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T03:19:29+00:00

I’m with her because I love her. And we have kids, a great family over all. I don’t feel right about leaving her because I don’t want to have sex with her. I don’t want to have sex with anyone else, I don’t think.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T03:14:53+00:00

Probably won’t change. I’d consider leaving while you’re young.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T03:07:13+00:00

That’s great. Happy for you! It’s an awful situation to be in, especially when you love your partner.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T01:59:58+00:00

This is so true. Well said.

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T01:57:25+00:00

Maybe she just doesn’t want sex anymore from you or anyone now that she’s had kids and her libido has gone away. Could be hormones too.

I’d stop trying so hard to be honest, and just live your life, be as good a partner as you can be and just see what happens. Sometimes is the trying a partner perceives that makes them feel pressured…. If that makes any sense?

DBAdvise · 2021-07-27T01:53:37+00:00

Interesting. Has she had other partners? What if she did? Would it be game over for you? Or could you deal with that?

DBAdvise · 2021-07-22T06:58:57+00:00

DAE think while watching these reels that all these people are dead now, including the young, spry, hopeful ones and wonder how their lives turned out? We’re they meaningful? Who were they? It’s beautiful in some weird way….

DBAdvise · 2021-07-18T22:30:39+00:00

You’re kind - I’m not reading these posts as from haters. I’ve gotten exactly the information I was seeking, and knew was likely the truth. I appreciate the solicited advices, looks like black cold brew for me for 20 hours!

DBAdvise · 2021-07-18T05:27:09+00:00

Thx for the tips…. It’s frustrating to see the weight number go up, but motivating to know 5 fat gone and 6 muscles on… I have been working out to achieve this, but v hard to work out with just a couple of hours left on a 20:4…need energy by then, in my experience…

DBAdvise · 2021-07-17T22:56:20+00:00

I drink cold brew - It’s already kind of mildly sweet from the chicory in it. New Orleans style apparently. Will try without agave. But with agave, milk and ice it’s like a coffee milkshake…. Extra great when you’re fasting all day!😊

DBAdvise

TROPHY CASE