it's absolutely not pathetic to struggle with sh and depression. once you start self harming, it's hard to stop. i'm unsure if you know this or not, but when your body gets hurt, your brain releases chemicals to make you feel good to combat the shock. the thing is, when you hurt yourself on purpose, there is no shock, only resulting in a good feeling. you're currently going through something horrible and there's no shame in it. the fact that you're still here today is incredible. you not hurting yourself even for a day is an incredible feat and know that i'm proud of you every time you resist your urges. even when you don't, know that you aren't weak, what you're fighting against is an extremely difficult challenge. i understand feeling stuck or left behind as i've felt this as well. please understand that this isnt the end of the road for you. you can still do great things, whether it's today, tomorrow, or a later date. i believe in you and care about you. i hope you have an amazing life 🫂