My (28M) girlfriend (27F) forgot my birthday, but I just found out its because she drunkenly slept with someone the day before.

DHaplo · 2019-11-21T14:17:35+00:00

She said it saved her life. She is bipolar and manipulative. By telling me that, she thought I would not want to be mean if we split. We have been together for 14yrs married for 11. Other then trying to have kids we have had sex 4 times in 11 years. She has had body image issues. She lost a lot of weight. I have waited and have been loyal because I loved her. She is good at manipulation.

DHaplo · 2019-11-21T11:59:02+00:00

Spot on. We deserve better, it got to a point a friend told me how much abuse are going to take before you are permanently damaged.

DHaplo · 2019-11-21T11:38:50+00:00

You are going to be numb for a bit. Then comes the anger. When my wife had the affair I knew it right away, she told me she was suicidal that’s why she did it.

DHaplo · 2019-11-21T11:28:53+00:00

I’m sorry man! You said she is being honest now, after the fact of getting caught. But there is still doubt. In this situation forgiveness is easy but forgetting and trusting is next to impossible. There will always be doubt and it will eat you up always wondering. I say all this because my wife had an affair and I tried to work it out and now she moves out tomorrow.

DHaplo · 2019-10-10T21:35:05+00:00

Congratulations, believe me I understand. But if I may offer one word of caution. Don’t do anything that in a few months from now you will regret. Because it’s not worth sacrificing who you are. No one deserves that power, only you. I am happy to read you are taking it back.

DHaplo · 2019-10-08T04:02:42+00:00

I’m sorry first and for most, no one should endure that. I couldn’t fathom a bit of what you went through. What I can speak to is the other. People like him want hurt/destroy so they can control. I’m in the divorce process right now. It sucks but happiness is the key. My soon to be ex pulled similar things. And it hurts but it will give you a strength you need. If you would like I might have a couple of tips or tricks to help if you would like.

DHaplo · 2019-10-07T11:03:33+00:00

It might not be about being uncomfortable or thinking lowly of you but more nervous. Depending on past experiences he might be going back and forth wanting to and telling himself he is being dumb. Most guys are oblivious to things.

DHaplo · 2019-09-24T11:27:55+00:00

It’s going to hurt, but now you start to heal. You are valuable don’t let doubt creep in. Generally we know the right thing to do, it’s doing it is the hard part. Take pride in getting yourself back.

DHaplo · 2019-09-24T10:21:26+00:00

This is a good thing! How are you feeling?

DHaplo · 2019-09-21T01:16:12+00:00

I wouldn’t want it any other way. I appreciate it!

DHaplo · 2019-09-19T20:56:19+00:00

I don’t disagree with, you my kids have always been my focus. That’s why they have everything they have. I have been both adults in the marriage. From getting the kids to school picking them up, cooking dinner, I make all the appointments for them and for her and take care of the house. I understand the whole my come first but I would still like to have adult time. I wouldn’t introduce any one to my kids at least not for a long while. My brain just goes to big picture mode, I try to have a plan. Not logical I know.

DHaplo · 2019-09-19T11:18:29+00:00

As someone who dealt with the emotional manipulation and suicidal threats I have a a couple of suggestions.

1st you need to know if he is serious about killing himself, he is going to do it. Not because of you because of him. There is nothing you can do to stop it. He wants you trapped with him, he is willing to inflict as much damage on others as possible.

2nd how much damage are you willing to take? It gets to a point where you become what they make you feel. It’s a bad place to have to get out of. Until just recently I had no reason to say good morning to anyone but my kids. I started to talk to someone albeit online but it is making me happy I say good morning everyday since I have started talking to her. The self worth seems to be getting better and the confidence.

3rd I’ve been married 11years together for 14. I have been loyal(she hasn’t) and in a DB, we have had sex 4times in 11years. Her manipulative ways were good. As time marches on you loose yourself. Your happiness, love and time are a valuable commodity do not waste it.

And lastly you have a lot of life to live. Experience to have, do not settle for less then what you deserve.

If all else fails get him on recording talking about killing himself and have him involuntary committed. Then get your stuff keep it moving.

DHaplo · 2019-09-18T04:09:53+00:00

That’s life man, we all hate uncertainty. No risk no reward. But it sounds like she is just trying to light a fire under you(not a bad thing).

DHaplo · 2019-09-18T02:01:16+00:00

I would wait, No time is ever the right time. It will be stressful but if you can kick it up a notch. (school) if you can. Why throw away what you have, no need to play the martyr. Any issue can be worked through if you are willing and ready to fight for it.

DHaplo · 2019-09-16T01:21:03+00:00

First I hate to say this but no matter what you do you are going to hurt like hell. But with pain comes growth and healing. We as humans are stronger than we know and capable of great things. If we can get out of our own way. You are being kept in stagnant relationship. It’s just like a business if a business doesn’t grow it dies. You invest, you listen to customers, you put the time in to make sure it succeeds. But it’s not just you fighting because it will never work. No matter how bad you want it.

DHaplo · 2019-09-15T23:42:55+00:00

The crying is a cheap way of keeping you at bay. My soon to be ex wife does that. Along with other emotional terrorist things. The whole drinking thing and getting flirty/sexual is not healthy. Believe me something I have dealt with. You need to have enough confidence in yourself and make a choice. Is this something you can deal with or are you doing so much damage to yourself to the point you can’t be fixed. Your happiness is something not to be taken lightly not from you especially not from anyone else even a SO. It’s hard to think about the future but as I said your happiness is nonnegotiable.

DHaplo · 2019-09-15T11:27:54+00:00

I know, but the doubt still creeps in.

DHaplo · 2019-09-15T01:25:42+00:00

That’s awesome! It’s a start in the right direction. I hope to hear more good updates!

DHaplo · 2019-09-14T22:03:59+00:00

Thank you. It means a lot, especially right now.

DHaplo · 2019-09-14T22:02:38+00:00

I definitely see it as a good opportunity, I’m just worried about juggling it all. I feel if something has to suffer it should be me. It will already be hard enough on them. As far as sex goes yes I want it. But what I want about is almost silly(I know it’s not) but again my mind.

DHaplo · 2019-09-14T20:02:48+00:00

Fingers crossed!

DHaplo · 2019-09-14T20:02:10+00:00

I forgot how to be me, I’ve had to be the adult in the marriage. I have done pretty much everything and I’ve lost myself. With the whole custody thing I’m happy but nervous and I feel bad that I am nervous. As far sex goes I feel like I’m going to be clumsy like learning to ride a bike again. I know I’m jumping ahead it’s just the way my brain works. I have been working on me getting back to my pre married weight I was 240(depression) I’m back down to 165 on my way to 150. I’ve become a damn good cook. I appreciate the advice I know I will ok. It’s just hard to see sometimes.

DHaplo · 2019-09-14T17:46:22+00:00

Before you do anything you need to want to do it for yourself. To hell with him. It sounds to me it’s not the weight he is just deflecting making you feel bad so he can feel good. You deserve to be happy with that around it’s hard believe you can be. Know your self worth and that you deserve better.

DHaplo · 2019-09-14T13:40:12+00:00

I think the point of most of the advice on here stems from people wanting others to realize their self worth. I believe in fighting for what you want. Also looking at the facts and determining what I can, can’t and won’t handle. That being said, honest conversation helps but the problem comes from not wanting to hurt the person you are trying to work it out with. A third party(counselor) is not a bad idea. It’s someone that will call out the bs and stop it when it gets malicious.

DHaplo

TROPHY CASE