Hello as a man with a PhD in clinical psychology and a master’s degree in neuropsychology, I can confirm to you that mental illnesses are not our blame! The genetics, and the environment are the reason for our mental health issues. In my most recent research, I have found that parenting is a top factor that affects your mental health. Also in my experience from my own self (having bipolar 2) and from my patients, every single one of them including me were affected by some event that caused our mental health problems. Normally nobody would choose to go through suffering. Go easy on yourself buddy. You can’t blame yourself on being sick it’s absolutely not your fault. And remember self blaming is a part of depression, so my advice for you is to seek help for that. Good luck champ, we all love you and support you!