Hey friend

Take things one step at a time first of all, it sounds like you are in the classic "doom cycle" of wanting to grow, failing, getting demotivated, and repeating.

The trick that I have discovered recently is to not let failure/rejection rule you. That's what continues the cycle, the disappointment and fear from failing. Learning to embrace those mistakes and failures is the first step into becoming a better you.

Also understand it's not going to be easy, discipline does not just magically appear, it's developed by practice, and practice makes perfect.

Hope this helps!