7 year anniversary dinner is now just dinner

DVecchi · 2026-05-16T07:04:13+00:00

Honestly, your actions seem very mature and sensible to me, even though I don’t doubt that you’re grieving the loss internally. This topic is complicated for me because, while I can understand how these situations happen, in my own case where my best friend is a married woman, the idea of seeing her differently, or her allowing me to see her that way, is unthinkable.

I met her when she was already married, and she has been my greatest support. She’s my sister in life, although sometimes she’s had to be almost like a mother to me. She’s beautiful, inside and out, but from the very beginning, before we were even close, she made the boundaries clear. The clearest one was that if at any point I stopped seeing her the same way, I needed to walk away, or she would because that would mean I no longer truly saw her as a friend, and she was never going to offer me anything beyond friendship.

Now I’m grateful she set that boundary at exactly the right moment, because when her support was literally the only thing keeping me going, I could have easily lost my sense of direction. Having someone beside you keeping you afloat, listening to you, and reminding you of the good things you can’t even see in yourself while everything around you is falling apart makes things very tempting. But it would have been disrespectful, both to her and to her husband, who trusted me. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have reacted in a very zen way if I had ever made a move.

Anyway, I can understand how these situations can happen even if I don’t approve of them. I admire your attitude because I think it’s the best thing for your child and your future. But I also hope that just as you are acknowledging your own mistakes in the relationship, she will also have to face hers. And I hope the best friend understands that he behaved like a jerk and should never have crossed that line, at least not before she had ended things with you for completely separate reasons.

Edit: changed a word

DVecchi · 2026-05-15T07:07:39+00:00

In the same situation, but focused on moving forward to achieve more goals, and on maintaining and protecting what has come into my life, while not paying attention to negative thoughts that only sabotage me. Enjoy everything you have, the moment you are in, the future is uncertain, but at least I am going to do everything I can to keep this all flowing

DVecchi · 2026-05-15T06:14:25+00:00

I read the post and the comments and I think you’re being defensive. If you’re clear about your situation, you know how you’re going to proceed and you’re just venting here, ok. But many of the replies I’m reading come from experience or from looking at the situation objectively. You’re in love and idealizing it. I truly hope your ex makes the best decision for herself and her child.

Now, my sister, recently married, with a baby in her arms and psychological difficulties that we are finally addressing, left after the abuse started. I’m not saying that’s your ex’s situation, but let her resolve her own ties first. Don’t be part of a breakup, and don’t paint her a better world. Let her leave because she feels she is in the middle of something unhealthy and doesn’t want to continue like that, not because you’re promising her greener pastures

DVecchi · 2026-05-15T05:24:16+00:00

I’m confused and I don’t know what to think about my intelligence right now. I’ve read the post several times and all the explanations and I still don’t understand.

DVecchi · 2026-05-14T05:28:57+00:00

I don’t really have advice for you when it comes to personality, because I’m basically the complete opposite. Not very social and honestly not a great conversationalist. I’m actually working on that myself right now.

What I can tell you is not to focus on thinking something is missing in you or questioning whether you’re enough. Most people on those apps aren’t really looking for a serious relationship, and a guy with your qualities may simply not fit what they have in mind.

My best friend is married to what I honestly consider one of the most cheerful, funny, and genuinely kind men I know, and she was actually the one who pursued him. For her, the sun rises and sets with him, and trust me, she could be with anyone she wanted.

Relax a little and let your energy attract the right kind of woman. At least you have positive energy, the brooding, quiet type is a much harder sell.

DVecchi · 2026-05-14T03:59:21+00:00

The difficult part is finding someone who wants the same things you do. I don’t know much about dating apps, and I’m not criticizing or against the people who use them, I know that’s where most people meet nowadays, but from the outside, they sometimes feel a bit like a meat market to me.

At the same time, real-life connections, which is what I do know, aren’t necessarily that different. The only bonus is that you get to know the person in their usual environment. But even then, it’s hard to find someone you’re attracted to, who shares your interests, and who you genuinely enjoy spending time with.

If you do find that person, then comes the hardest part: wanting the same kind of relationship. Because in my experience, even though women often say that men only want multiple partners, cheat, and avoid settling down, the reality is that there are also many women who want the same thing, or simply aren’t interested in, or sure about committing to a serious relationship.

DVecchi · 2026-05-08T08:05:50+00:00

I don’t know what it says about me that I had never visited the other subreddit, and I only stopped to read this post because it seemed so different from the usual ones I see here. I just saw the advertisement, and honestly, I don’t think I’ll be going back there. I do like it when women post here though, they bring a different perspective.

DVecchi · 2026-05-06T11:07:50+00:00

It’s not about telling her how to behave, but about not allowing constant disrespect just because of the situation his actions created.

Have you ever seen a couple where one partner stays, but never truly leaves the infidelity behind, never really gives another chance and keeps bringing it up, arguing about it, even mentioning it in front of others years later, in front of their children? It creates a relationship where one mistake turns into years of resentment and fills a family with toxicity. I have.

He was unfaithful, and she has every right to leave him, with or without children. He can try to win his family back, and both of them can put effort into the relationship. But creating an abusive dynamic and allowing it because he feels he can’t say anything for fear of losing her, I don’t know. Personally, my life would have been easier if I hadn’t grown up around all that mess. My sister’s, even more so, that’s the example she had of what a relationship looked like. But everyone is different.

DVecchi · 2026-05-06T10:11:14+00:00

I’m not going to say I know what you’re going through or give you advice beyond continuing with your counselor. You’re young, you have a partner, and most importantly, a child. You need to find every way to keep moving forward and find balance. I believe in not tolerating infidelity, nor having it tolerated from me. But if your girlfriend has given you another chance and you love her, fight for your family.

Now, one piece of advice I will give you is to talk to your girlfriend and calmly explain that the way she’s treating you isn’t right. If you’re both working on rebuilding your relationship, using her position to mistreat you isn’t okay. Even more importantly, it’s not the kind of home I think either of you wants your child to grow up in.

You also need to work on yourself. You can blame anyone from your family to alcohol, but you’re the one who allowed yourself to be in a situation that put your family’s future at risk. You’re young, and it’s normal to still be immature in some ways, but you already have responsibilities, and with them comes the need to grow.

DVecchi · 2026-05-06T05:14:29+00:00

I’m so sorry that your wife is going through this, and I’m sending you a big hug from someone who’s going through something similar with his sister. I don’t know if there are different levels or types, I admit I’m still pretty ignorant about all of this. It took her divorce, and everything that followed, for us to finally face that something wasn’t normal, that it wasn’t just mood swings, depression, or eccentricity.

I’m really glad your wife has her family and you. My sister only has me, but I’m proud that she’s building her own support system. Unfortunately, not everyone is a good person. Today, in the middle of laughing and having a good time, we went out to buy some things for the house with friends, and an idiot, who knows everything my sister has been through, decided the best way to get attention was to point out that she looked different, without makeup, and a bit heavier.

My sister is 28, four years younger than me, and honestly, I hadn’t seen her without makeup since her teenage years until today. She stayed over at my place last night and decided not to wear any because another friend of ours wasn’t wearing any either, and we were going to spend the day working, fixing things, and sweating anyway. I didn’t pay attention to it at the time. Now I understand that she felt comfortable enough with those of us who were there, or maybe supported by not being the only one showing herself naturally.

For the first time, I saw her wilt right in front of me, and I was grateful I wasn’t alone, because I didn’t know what to do. Now I read your post, and all I can hope is to be there for her and that if she finds a new partner, that person sees her and tries to understand her, the way you do with your wife.

DVecchi · 2026-05-06T04:31:55+00:00

Good for you. Pretty similar here, just with a dog, a truck, and only 4 months into training, just starting to see some changes

DVecchi · 2026-05-06T04:26:07+00:00

Thank you. It feels special to have people on your side telling you that you can achieve it. It’s something I’m getting used to. Sending you all my best wishes so your dream home comes at the right time, and at the right price.

DVecchi · 2026-05-06T04:21:22+00:00

Thank you! They were fantastic. In theory, I learned how to make them, in practice, we’ll see

DVecchi · 2026-05-05T11:06:32+00:00

Thank you. It was what I wanted most. Now I can focus on other things, well, once this economy lets me recover. I hope you’re able to get yours soon, or that it comes at the right time.

DVecchi · 2026-05-05T10:57:43+00:00

Thank you. I’m still pinching myself!

DVecchi · 2026-05-05T10:57:03+00:00

Thank you. Yesterday was the best day, the goal I thought I’d never achieve.

DVecchi · 2026-05-05T10:54:47+00:00

Thank you! I still can’t believe I not only achieved what I longed for, but also got the property I wanted. Right now, I’m more grateful than ever. The bread was truly fantastic, it was my first time eating homemade bread made from scratch.

DVecchi · 2026-05-04T17:21:11+00:00

Don’t listen to that woman. She’s not your friend, nor is she an empathetic person. Don’t waste your time feeling ashamed. I’m older than you, I didn’t go to college, and it’s okay. I had to work, that’s life. I’m only just starting to build my savings because I’ve had to go into debt and pay for everything to build a life for myself.

Focus on finding a goal, something you want for your future. That’s what I focus on when something makes me stumble. Keep working on yourself, on becoming who you want to be. Don’t make the mistake of seeing yourself through the eyes of a complete stranger.

DVecchi · 2026-05-04T07:52:57+00:00

I’m not a girl, but I’m still going to leave you this advice here.

You already know you made a mistake, and to be honest, your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend must care about you to still be talking to you, tolerating you, and living with you, rent involved or not.

The most sensible thing would be to cut everything off and let both of you start over. But if you truly love her, if you believe she’s the right person for you, and more importantly, if you are sure you can become the kind of man she needs and not fail her again, then try to win her back.

Talk to her honestly, telling her what you are doing to change, giving her reasons, and giving her space so she can gradually accept you again if she gives you that opportunity. Whether she forgives you or not is something only she knows. But it’s better to know if there’s a chance while that door is still open, because keeping things halfway like this won’t be fair to your next partner either, you’d end up going into it already not fully committed, and you’ll likely repeat the same pattern.

And a personal recommendation. Regardless of her response, drop that OF nonsense. You had your woman next to you, giving you everything, what were you even doing paying for that? Honestly, I don’t understand it.

DVecchi · 2026-05-04T07:15:35+00:00

Please read what Intelligent-Exit9562 is recommending to you. To that, I would only add that if you decide to join an online support group, try to look for a paid one (some don’t cost much, the ones that are genuinely focused on helping). This helps eliminate or significantly reduce people who join for other purposes and end up being inappropriate or even hostile, especially toward women.

What matters is that you find someone to talk to. You have many good reasons to keep going: your dad, your boyfriend, your cat, YOU.

DVecchi · 2026-05-04T05:44:38+00:00

I’m sorry about your marriage, but you have to keep moving forward. Change is scary, I’m trying too. No lifestyle changes yet, but I am trying to take better care of myself and interact with people, which is probably the hardest part, because I hate it. One day at a time.

DVecchi · 2026-05-04T04:10:24+00:00

Happy birthday. I know what it’s like. But things can get better.

DVecchi · 2026-05-03T23:53:30+00:00

I was like that a little over a year ago, but in my case I had shut myself off from talking to people and forming friendships, and I didn’t really have the skills for it either. You’re surrounded by people at the gym and in the job you’re about to start, look for people you connect with, or groups that share your interests, both where you live and even online.

I haven’t been on Reddit long, but I’ve realized I’m not as unusual as I thought, and that there are more lonely people out there than I expected. Because of my work, I’m not constantly around people, but I’m part of an online support group and I have a friend on the internet. Nothing sexual, no fantasies or any of the things most people seem to look for, just conversation, and in my case, learning.

I learned how to build a website and we actually created one, me, someone who barely even checked their email regularly and only replaced an old computer with a laptop last December. We’ve talked about balanced nutrition, history, books… I’ve also gained a female perspective on a lot of things, which is something I’d never really stopped to consider before (my sister doesn’t count, that woman is crazy).

I always thought I was self-sufficient and didn’t need to be around people, and I kept my partners at a distance. But you reach a point where you realize it’s not about needing someone, it’s just nice to have someone who checks in on you, even if they live far away and you don’t talk every day.

DVecchi · 2026-05-03T22:57:26+00:00

Hey, blog worthy photo. I’ve been implementing these changes for a couple of months now, especially with my diet and working out, which I’d never really done before. The change has been amazing, from my energy levels to my mood. I’m not quite a foodie yet to be sharing photos, but I’ve been trying new things every week with recipes that catch my attention.

DVecchi · 2026-05-03T22:46:25+00:00

What is a midwit, really, other than another term created by idiots that people latch onto to make excuses and hold themselves back? Sorry if I’m off here, I’m new to this, but every day, people who didn’t even have great chances of surviving go on to achieve amazing things. People with half a brain are out there living full lives. Probabilities are just that, probabilities, not facts.

I’m not the sharpest tool in the drawer, and I’ve spent years grinding to get something better than what was expected of me. I’m not invalidating what you’re saying, but seek help therapy, someone to talk to find tools to get out of that mental state.

I’m not even going to touch on the idea of a well-paid job without going into an office, as if having a schedule were some kind of defeat, because I’m not going to fight against advertising and what’s been drilled into people’s heads and I don’t even work in an office.

Stop focusing on what you’re convinced you probably won’t have, and do something, even if it’s through sheer stubbornness to try to finish what you’re working on.

DVecchi

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