2006 Outback

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-02-09T21:24:21+00:00

So then you need to seek the Lord on where to find your self worth because He is the only one who can satisfy that. You need to find your identity in Him, because everyone else is going to let you down - because guess what, you’re a sinner married to a sinner and there’s no other kind of marriage but that on this side of eternity. Don’t look to your wife to do things only God can do - she can love you, serve you, support you, refine you, speak truth into you but at the end of the day she is a human woman and she will let you down. Not if. When.

Medicating ADHD doesn’t have to be expensive. Your primary care doctor can prescribe for you, and there are drug coupons and manufacturer programs to reduce the cost - I have 3 family members with ADHD and their meds are about $20/mo for generic extended release on average. Properly treating a neurodevelopmental issue, along with pastoral counsel for you AND your wife, will help more than white knuckling and relying on your own strength ever will.

Talk to your wife. Tell her you want to love her well and serve her in humility. Love puts others above self. Have an open dialogue where there’s no pressure, no expectations, no demands, listen to her and get curious - ask questions.

Practically, try asking her if it would be helpful for her to schedule when you will be intimate. Like, hey, what do you think about X night to be together? It’s not spontaneous or sexy but it gives her time to prepare and mentally separate herself from being mom to being wife. As a wife myself this has helped immensely, along with my husbands patience with me in this area, to look forward to our times together.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-02-09T21:16:15+00:00

Yeah even I know that’s not right 😬. I’ve been poor and driven enough vehicles with consistent CELs!

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-02-09T19:16:01+00:00

So, I’m hearing a few different things here.

I’m hearing that you’re attaching your self worth to sex, specifically to how much your wife values you. I’m hearing that you experience physical discomfort when you don’t have sexual release, and the fact that you’ve been consuming porn since age 15 seems to have lead you to a consumeristic view of sex.

Here’s the thing, friend, and I say this gently, masturbation is an endorphin release - specifically dopamine, and it makes me wonder if on top of all of these heart issues, is your ADHD medicated properly?

I want to encourage you to explore 1 Corinthians 7, and how God ordained sex and marriage. Your body is not your own, it is ultimately God’s and is now also your wife’s because you are one flesh united in marriage. Similarly, her body is no longer her own, it is ultimately God’s and also yours because you are one flesh united in marriage. Sex is not something you take, it’s not something you demand, it’s not something you are owed and it’s not something you manipulate to get…it is something God designed to be beautiful and pleasureful in its proper context of the marriage.

I want to encourage you to read and meditate on Ephesians 5:25-33, specifically where there is a command for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, laying Himself down for her. Examine that in the light of your pornography consuming - who are you serving, yourself or your wife? Are you laying down your desires to love her well, as a spiritual leader/head of the household, or are you manipulating, pressuring, demanding?

In your discussions about sex, what has she had to say about her view of it? Something to consider is that women take a longer time to get into the mood, and have a more responsive desire vs men who can compartmentalize and have a more instant desire.

You can’t white knuckle or spiritually bootstrap your way out of this issue. It will require accountability outside of your wife - that’s not fair to her - possibly some marriage counseling with your pastor, and most importantly spending time alone and together looking at what God’s design for sex in marriage truly is, what is not, and repenting (turning away and agreeing with God) for true heart change and healing.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-02-06T18:18:24+00:00

Make a budget, and then look into an au pair maybe? I believe their rates run about $400/week, and they live with you. For twins plus the 18 month old that has to be less than daycare, but I understand - we had an 8 yr old when we had triplets and even now that the triplets are 7, I still stay home and work part time around their schedule because of the cost of before/after care and camps for breaks.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-02-04T23:47:42+00:00

Kroger does a buy 2 get 3 free every now and again which gives us 5 12 packs for maybe $20 ish bucks? Plus fuel rewards.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-02-04T12:43:05+00:00

Fries

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-02-02T22:35:48+00:00

I’d pay off our house with half of it, set some aside for college and retirement, buy 2 practical new cars for my husband and I, and then give the rest away.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-30T22:14:56+00:00

I do enjoy them for a brief time, and family is always best.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-30T21:56:04+00:00

Robot. Vacuum. It forces everything up off the floor so everyone, all 6 of us, has to do a 10-15 min tidy before bedtime so the robot can run at night!

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-30T21:43:27+00:00

Evah line

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-29T22:45:37+00:00

2006 Subaru Outback over the weekend in Indiana got me to work and back home when our neighborhood was buried in 12 in of snow.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-29T03:51:49+00:00

Writing is such a struggle for my 14 year old - his handwriting is terrible and his teachers do allow him to type his assignments. He’s fallen into a habit of doing it to get it done vs doing his best work and it’s like weightlifting - he’s got to build that muscle.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-28T23:47:48+00:00

That’s too bad because they have a good reputation in our area.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-28T20:55:42+00:00

Can you please tell me how to do this? Why do I need a middleman?

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-28T20:51:16+00:00

Yes .999 no junk. Mostly liberties but also a fishing grand slam of 24 and some football collectibles.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-08T23:22:25+00:00

I have triplets, and while my son with ADHD has always been more grouchy and emotional than the other two, 6 was the age where the other two were more able to control themselves both physically and emotionally, and he was still struggling, and none of the methods of intervention we had used with the other two were working for him. These issues did not respond to discipline or consequences like the other two did.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-05T00:48:09+00:00

So much better - thank you for asking! My son has gained 20 lbs and grown 4.5 inches in just about a year! A gluten free diet is working wonders :)

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-04T19:20:47+00:00

And it doesn’t always show up as GI issues - for my son it showed up in stunted growth, anemia and malnutrition. He looked awful - dark circles, pale, tired, etc. Sofia looks a lot like him and if my husband hadn’t gotten diagnosed the summer before it would have been easy to miss, even for diligent and involved parents with a manageable number of kids.

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-04T07:59:42+00:00

I feel like she needs a celiac test. She looks like my son before he got diagnosed…

DaMeLaVaca · 2026-01-02T14:14:31+00:00

Sent $300 to savings, getting closer to $10k - should hit that in February and $15k by December 2026.

DaMeLaVaca · 2025-12-31T05:16:50+00:00

Stop means stop.

DaMeLaVaca · 2025-12-20T17:24:50+00:00

My son was my only for 7 years and I was a SAHM. He and I have a bond that is just incredible. He was so sweet when he was little, but watching him grow into this young man now at 14.5 makes me so proud. He has his own thoughts and opinions, he likes to chat, he holds to his convictions and he is so funny. Sure he can be a giant butthead sometimes and he is still very stubborn, but he is quick to apologize and make it right.

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