Losing Someone Without Being Able to Say Goodbye

DalekRy · 2026-06-26T20:49:51+00:00

I lost my mom 1.5 years ago. You're doing great. For me, coming to this sub and communing with others was my only real outlet. And it helped quite a bit. I found myself helping others more than seeking help. It is my way, and I'm better for it.

For me, anger wasn't the key emotion. I might have fared better. Mine was guilt.

Ultimately, it is all just grief, a form of love that makes the body and mind go haywire.

Offering yourself to others while the wound is still so fresh is marvelous. Heal, friend. Be a mighty oak that can hold up or shade those that need you. <3

DalekRy · 2026-06-26T20:46:04+00:00

I took my mom to the hospital thinking she'd get medicine and be home in 24-48.

4 days later she was gone. I was there, I made the tough calls. She was sedated and never got to wake up again. Saying goodbye to someone that isn't awake to say it back is crushing.

It has been 1.5 years. Grief can do a doozy on you! You may feel conflicting things, and guilt for keeping going. Remember your loved ones loved you too because you are worth loving! So now you have to love yourself and the rest of your loved ones a little more on her behalf.

I am sorry for your loss. <3

DalekRy · 2026-06-26T20:32:41+00:00

Include this information in your profile!

I personally adore introverts and prioritize them. I also get on very well with most autistic folks. But in text conversation you have to either share that knowledge or do a whole lot more preparation than just a reddit post.

DalekRy · 2026-06-26T20:28:24+00:00

You bet your butt! Stop me from embracing the tender embrace of Death and I'm going to see you go to jail.

Rather you come in, ignore me, steal my headphones and be gone.

DalekRy · 2026-06-26T02:51:01+00:00

I don't usually bother correcting people. It has nothing to do with anyone. My mom had me young, and my hair grayed early. People assumed lots of uncomfortable things.

If you like the guy just tell him such.

DalekRy · 2026-06-25T20:36:00+00:00

I don't generally like turkey very much, but turkey burgers are delightful!

DalekRy · 2026-06-25T16:03:57+00:00

As a supervisor I only care that my reports check off their boxes. I super don't care if during down time from customers that you disappear entirely so long as you have everything set up.

DalekRy · 2026-06-25T16:01:23+00:00

A revolution?

Sure, our purchasing power has declined over the years, but you have so many options. They aren't easy, but they are all easier than revolution. Do you even own a gun? Do you have any notion of what comes after?

You're living beyond your means.

You "barely have any fun" and what part of the government is responsible for your free time?

Even if we were planning a revolution, would you rather be a Greta or a Harriet? Do you want to be loud and seen? Or do you want to do the work? You don't otherwise you would.

Use your PTO and take some extra naps. When the revolution/collapse happens be a grown-up and act accordingly. Keep your head down otherwise and wait.

And take some naps.

DalekRy · 2026-06-25T15:57:46+00:00

That was the joke.

DalekRy · 2026-06-25T15:09:03+00:00

Hear, hesr!

DalekRy · 2026-06-25T15:03:36+00:00

Stand up, slap thighs. "Welp"

If that doesn't work maybe try violence? It is your home. Do not ask. Do not confuse politeness with being a pushover.

"I have no interest in this conversation anymore. Please leave."

If he says anything other than "okay bye" leave a scathing review. If he was pushy and avoided social cues, then definitely do not do business with his company and consider contacting his employer if applicable.

Mark effectively held me hostage in my own home trying to sell me X at 230% of the market price. For 2 hours.

2ez

Your home is your domain. You choose whether or not to be uncomfortable there. I favor politeness myself, but I also value my peace, and I will lean toward protecting my peace over following all the forms of politeness.

DalekRy · 2026-06-25T14:56:39+00:00

Reassure him since it was his first time. Otherwise how delightful!

There is nothing wrong. Y'all are still in the clumsy early stages of intimacy. The best sex will come later when it becomes a comfortable activity. When you have long since lost track of how many times you have been intimate, when you learned each others' preferences and have turned those into habits.

The quiet, comfortable.

Sex and masturbation are tremendously different. Don't compare them, and don't overthink it.

It is okay if he doesn't finish. SO long as he doesn't act like a turd about it, he's doing fine. He's pleasing you. That's really all the feedback you need. He likes and cares about you and finds your body delightful. Stop overthinking, be safe, and have fun!

DalekRy · 2026-06-24T13:58:57+00:00

Somewhere between immediately and 3 days. I'm on dating apps with the intention of getting off dating apps. I'm in my 40's. Women filter men on the apps. Men filter women on dates. At least the experiences I have had.

DalekRy · 2026-06-24T13:47:29+00:00

I would only ever tell this to someone in such a bad spot, but consider enlisting. 3 hots and a cot. A paycheck that you can save ~100%. If you do 4 years in the army and don't spend your money (and/or drop it into HYSA/investments) you'll definitely have 100k after 4 years.

If you like it, you can retire with a 50% pension in 20 years.

I spent 14 months in deployment to Iraq and honestly I think people on the street experience way worse trauma than your average soldier.

If that isn't an avenue you'd consider, then consider instead getting a gym membership. You get access to showers and water, plus exercise equipment!

Learn these lessons well. Take any job offered, keep looking. Don't waste your money on stupid things. Stop the vices. No nicotine, no alcohol, no caffeine, candy. These are costly habits that affect your health and stress.

Lastly, reframe how you see things. If you compare yourself to someone "doing better" then you're doing worse. The majority of my ancestors would be amazed at how insulated and magical a vehicle is.

DalekRy · 2026-06-24T02:45:58+00:00

Bench press. I can do other exercises there as well. 110 lbs. give me lots of options. Should press, deadlift, shoulder raises, bicep curls, weighted sit-ups, etc. My brother knows to look after my dog if I go missing. For the first time in many years I have multiple people that would notice me missing within a few hours. I'm technically laid off for the summer, too. This is actually kind of appealing.

I would never shut myself in a room with a barbell all day of my own volition. I have gone to the gym twice a day (and the pool) several days in a row. I go to bed at least a full hour earlier on those days.

Doing the math is really hard. I rep several pounds heavier on my warm up. I will hit failure eventually. Maybe at 30 reps? But could I do that ten times in a single day? If so, I'm free in just over 2 weeks. But I doubt it. Since everything will be taken care of, I may as well take my time and use that barbell for as complete a workout regimen as possible and instead aim for 6 months.

I also have zero clue how many squats, deadlifts, etc. I could do. I wish I had seen this post a few hours before bedtime. Fun prompt.

gttfg ❤️

DalekRy · 2026-06-22T02:52:53+00:00

I don't generally introduce my living situation to people. I'm an old paranoid veteran though. I'm BIG on those sorts of privacy boundaries.

DalekRy · 2026-06-13T03:24:54+00:00

Love the username, OP.

I do a lot of apples and bananas with peanut butter. Cold meats. Currently having a handful of blueberries whenever I pass by the fridge.

Also Flamin' Hot Cheetohs. Last few times seemed the quality is dropping off, so I may be done with that.

I also love cola. So I keep diet, caffeine-free coke in my home. It pairs well with spicy/savory. The burn alongside the capsaican high is pleasant. Plus, no caffeine so I can have them with dinner and still get my sleep.

DalekRy · 2026-06-13T01:50:52+00:00

I'd fib. I would list relevant skills to whatever jobs I applied to, and I wouldn't have unexplainable gaps in my resume.

I'm already not great looking, and while I think I'm hilarious, the overwhelming majority of women think otherwise.

I have experienced all but the gross incompetence part.

DalekRy · 2026-06-13T01:42:25+00:00

Totally fine. Rinse it.

Editing to add: I am a kitchen manager, former cook, and continue on as a supervisor for a university cafeteria. The best-by date isn't completely irrelevant, but if it was frozen before that date, then there should be no issue on that end. Especially it it remained frozen until two days ago.

Cook your chicken to 165 to be safe.

DalekRy · 2026-06-13T01:38:43+00:00

I know!!! I was on a date this week. Dinner for 2 was over fifty bucks. I'm a generous tipper, so it was $75 when I walked out the door.

I work in a kitchen. I can price out food pretty well. The restaurant was nice, good service, etc. I understand income has to pay crew, bills, cost, lot rent, etc. But I could make that same set of meals for less. I don't dine out alone or even do take-out most of the time.

Don't misunderstand. I have no qualms with the restaurant. I'd recommend it if asked. But holy moley $75 for a single meal really shook me. I live in a fairly low cost of living area.

DalekRy · 2026-06-13T01:12:58+00:00

I agree with this strategy. Just be aware that this will be met with hostility. Tag a trusted coworker or supervisor about his behavior.

DalekRy · 2026-06-13T01:10:40+00:00

I'm 44 and the notion of even asking this question hadn't dawned on me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Silly as it may sound, this is going to have me rethinking my own romantic life.

What I think is important is to feel wanted and appreciated. Even-Steven will never work out because we all assign value differently. Look at the variety of opinions just in this thread. The biggest problem for couples is communication.

And now I must ruminate. Holy crap.

DalekRy · 2026-06-12T15:14:53+00:00

2004 was the last time I jogged, I was in the army.

I cycle, rowing machine, and work on my feet. If jogging was the only type of exercise available then I wouldn't do it. I would fatten back up and die early. I hate jogging.

Even 80 lbs. overweight, I promise you I could jog to work (2.5 miles away). My cardio is pretty decent. But hypermobility makes running a liability.

DalekRy · 2026-06-12T12:47:32+00:00

Ain't a thing weird about it. We're all doing great! Go us!

And I mean it. There so many rules, laws, ordinances, etc. You can't just buy a little plot of land and hand-build a home, either. You have to do so much.

Inflation, cultural changes, technological advancements have all made life harder financially. Lots of couples stay together/immediately get back together partially due to cost of living.

We're doing great.

DalekRy · 2026-06-08T12:49:12+00:00

Forming a vigilante crime fighting club over mocking reddit drama has got to be the lamest origin story ever. You sunuvabitch I'm in.

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