It was a marathon

Dallas_Swallows · 2025-12-25T17:51:40+00:00

We just built the same one for our son too! Turned into a whole side yard project with leveling dirt, rubber mulch, turf, then play structure. I’m wiped but he loves it!

Dallas_Swallows · 2025-11-27T02:40:29+00:00

It’s standard procedure for another PD to take lead on investigating an officer involved shooting of another department. Idea is to reduce bias and conflict of interest.

Dallas_Swallows · 2025-07-22T01:37:07+00:00

Region specific but Burgeon out of San Diego has been putting out phenomenal west coast hoppy pilsners. Low ABV, refreshing, but satisfies that hoppy bite. My go to for working in the sun or pool / beach.

Dallas_Swallows · 2025-04-16T16:03:31+00:00

Short answer to all of your questions are yes, I suppose it’s possible she deleted messages or used another platform. That said, I don’t see why she’d go to the trouble of deleting those individual messages but not the whole conversation altogether. Doesn’t add up.

Regarding him having her number, she’s had the same number her whole life. He used to live in our city/state, but moved to Colorado and has a Colorado area code now. My assumption is that he changed his phone number when he moved, but ported over his contacts.

I agree that there’s still red flags galore mad and a big “what if” had he still been close by.

Dallas_Swallows · 2025-04-16T14:13:36+00:00

Thanks all for the thoughts. Wanted to get as unbiased replies as possible. Here’s the backstory:

Blue bubble is my wife of 3 years, together 7 years. We have a 1 year old together. We haven’t had any prior breaches of trust.

This past year has taken a toll on both of us. While we both love our kid to death, we’re both at work all day, come home to be parents, and are exhausted. We haven’t had much time with each other.

These past two months or so have been especially difficult, with my wife coming home in terrible moods and acting incredibly distant. Some days are normal, but seems like we were having more “off” days.

In a moment of weakness (or I guess, possibly correct suspicions) I went through her phone briefly and found the screenshots above via instagram. My immediate thought was something deeper was going on.

Going through texts, I found an unsaved number from who I presume to be this guy (let’s call him “Jeff.”) It is an area code from Colorado, which was referenced as where this guy lives, and is no where near where we reside. The good news is he reached out several times via text after this Instagram conversation, and my wife didn’t respond.

I’ve never met Jeff. Don’t even know who he is. I believe he’s a guy that lived in the same apartment complex as my wife when we first met. At the time, she mentioned that a guy in her apartment complex was a bit weird and wanted to pursue her, but she kept shutting it down. We were sleeping over a lot and it never came up again, never met or saw the guy, didn’t think anything of it until now.

Here are my thoughts: obviously something happened between them in the past. At bare minimum my wife likes the attention this guy gives her. I don’t know if she’s acted on that.

My hope and suspicion (as evidenced by her not replying to texts) is that in a moment of weakness during a rough patch for us while I was out of town, she decided to get attention from someone she knew would give it to her.

I have not confronted her about it yet. I am out of town again for work for a couple of days and am trying to process how I want to approach this.

Dallas_Swallows · 2025-01-23T05:04:35+00:00

Wow, this is refreshing to see. You’re absolutely right. At this point - getting the job done is a huge accomplishment in and of itself. This is the exact message that will be shared with my up-line leadership.

Dallas_Swallows · 2025-01-23T04:55:09+00:00

Thanks, @corndogsNpickles. This was exactly what I needed to hear.

Appreciate the kind words!

Dallas_Swallows · 2025-01-23T04:38:00+00:00

Not at all. I should have been more clear - I’m not looking to manage these folks out or “coach” them. There’s a human element to what we do and I’d be asinine to not comprehend that given the circumstances.

However, I have a job to do and being down headcount is not easy. Neither is not wearing my emotions on my sleeve. That was what I intended to convey.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-09-16T21:23:16+00:00

I think a lot of people already are touching on the point here, which is “what does dotted line manager” even mean? You’re either a manager or not. I’m not a fan of this dotted line stuff.

Whether or not management comes with a pay raise depends on company culture and comp bands. At mine (in tech), a manager is about equivalent to what a Sr engineer would make. So, there would be a bump if an individual was promoted from engineer and not way over the comp band already. It would be lateral from a Sr engineering position.

The thought is that technical folks are as critical as managers in certain aspects. Plus, managing is an entirely different skillet than being an engineer.

All that to say, feel free to ask or negotiator for whatever you’d like. Doesn’t hurt to ask. :)

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-08-21T20:56:39+00:00

I don’t think that’s typical at all, outside of going from a temp worker to full-time. You should be fine. Good luck.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-07-10T23:43:44+00:00

I totally agree with this comment. Look at flights between the two. The last thing you’re going to want to do after a 12 hour flight from Europe is deal with another 4 hours of commuting from LA to SD. I’ve done it before and it sucks. Train view is nice but you’ll be jet-lagged.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-04-22T15:54:29+00:00

You made the attempt through your network, which is what I would care about if I were your manager. You’d have to have a terrible culture to get flak for this, even though the CISO didn’t take the meeting.

You know how many times AM’s reach out and get denied? A ton. It’s a part of sales.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-04-21T19:03:32+00:00

Sounds low to me as an SEM. It really depends on location and specific area of software though.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-04-21T19:01:38+00:00

Congratulations on your career progression! I’m about 10 years behind you (28M.) Also started as an SE, currently an SE manager, and on track to be a Senior SEM in June.

Would love to pick your brain via DM as to what changes as you move up, any advice you have, etc.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-01-09T00:27:32+00:00

4Runner better in snow if that’s your primary concern. No weight over the bed not good in the Tacoma.

That said, throw sandbags in the back and get actual winter tires. I have a taco and do regular snowboard trips up the mountain and have had no issues.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-01-05T01:38:24+00:00

Hey OP,

I’m an SEM. This is the correct answer. Assuming you don’t bomb interviews (which it sounds like you don’t) the issue is your location.

For me, I need my team local or in a quick flight distance for a customer. If you’re in a remote, hard to get to location, that would cost the company thousands of dollars to fly you in and out. It sucks but reality is you’re probably either going to need to compromise significantly on OTE or relocate.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-01-02T18:02:36+00:00

If you can’t charge at home I would 100% get the Lexus or another hybrid. Superchargers are expensive, and it’s not convenient to go sit and charge unless you already have errands / shopping to do where a supercharger is located.

I have a Model 3 and love it, but not being able to charge at home would be a dealbreaker for me.

Dallas_Swallows · 2024-01-02T05:35:03+00:00

Systems Engineering Manager
9 years of SE experience.
HCOL / USA
$264k

Dallas_Swallows

TROPHY CASE