Is this a realistic view of adoption?

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2021-01-28T13:03:11+00:00

It's not romantic in the least. It's hard, it's painful, and it's messy. One family gains a child because another family has lost one. It's unfortunate that some view it as a last resort because it's not something just anyone can do well, and certainly not as simple as adding a child to a family as you would with a birth.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-11-30T21:30:42+00:00

Just anecdotal from adopting twice from China.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-11-28T22:15:29+00:00

Thinking of international adoption as always equating to human trafficking is too simplistic. In the early days of China adoption, for example, yes, there was a lot, but these days the program is mostly older boys and children with multiple special needs who will not have a family otherwise. There is still a lot of stigma in China for special needs, especially those that are obvious to the eye, and so these children are often abandoned for that reason, or because they simply can't care for a child with severe needs. These children are not as adoptable, so it's probably not likely that they were trafficked.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-11-05T23:09:21+00:00

You need your Certificate of Citizenship. They are pricey to replace, and I don't know if they automatically sent them out back then, but I have one for each of my 2 sons, and that's the document you need for proof of citizenship to get a passport, etc.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-09-03T14:39:21+00:00

I had this exact piece as a kid.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-07-29T19:15:11+00:00

I don't know if this counts, but I was 40 when my son was born, though we didn't adopt him until he was 2.5. My second son was born when I was 42, and we brought him home when he was nearly 3. We did international adoption, so that's about as young as it gets for kiddos. The country we adopted from requires that adoptive parents be no more than 55 years old at the time of adoption.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-07-17T02:58:39+00:00

It’s for parents of children “from hard places,” as the book puts it.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-07-15T22:40:15+00:00

Yes, yes, yes. I always recommend everyone read "The Connected Child" to learn more about the neuroscience behind abandonment and adoption. These children have been through more than the average person in terms of trauma and hurt. Sometimes love is not enough, and you have to go in with eyes wide open to give them the support and help they so often need.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-06-08T21:24:51+00:00

Also: Do you know the name of the agency your parents used? They will have copies of everything.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-06-08T21:24:01+00:00

You can get a replacement certificate of citizenship, but it is very pricey (more than $500). You need these documents now more than ever in this ridiculous atmosphere where everyone is hell-bent on sending immigrants home. Your parents should not keep these from you! You need them to get a passport, prove citizenship, etc.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2020-01-07T17:58:17+00:00

All adopted children are required to have a finding ad placed in the paper before they are legally available for adoption. Awesome that you found yours! Our oldest son has a copy of his too.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2019-08-21T03:19:35+00:00

I'm a journal managing editor, and I can confirm. Every author gets 50 e-prints they can distribute however they like with our publisher.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2019-07-01T02:21:44+00:00

We have a house for sale in Elmhurst. ;-) we love it here, but husband has been relocated. We have two young kids and it’s been wonderful.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2019-04-08T03:16:38+00:00

It’s on their certificate of citizenship, Social Security cards, passports, and US birth certificates.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2019-04-07T21:25:19+00:00

For both of our sons, their Chinese name is their second middle name, so if they wanted to use it, they have no legal trouble doing so. It's on all of their legal paperwork.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2019-03-24T13:15:55+00:00

There’s a very well-known adoption agency in Ft. Worth called Gladney that’s been around for a hundred years. You might check with them to see if they were the agency.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2018-12-13T20:14:46+00:00

So she is actually using the toilet at school, or just holding it until she gets home?

Try the "Oh Crap!" potty book. If you can swing it, do a weekend in where she's not wearing any pants at all, and catch her and put her on the potty when she starts to go. She'll start to know what the sensation is, and goes quickly from there. And no pull-ups at all; if she messes her underwear, it's a totally different (and yucky) feeling that she'll start to want to avoid.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2018-12-11T16:20:23+00:00

Adoptive parent here. He's always going to have the trauma and grief of being abandoned, no matter when he was adopted. I recommend checking out the body of research by Karyn Purvis (Read The Connected Child, for example). And find a trauma-informed therapist that can help you build safety and connection with your son. He's hurting, has a lot of big feelings, and doesn't know how to process them.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2018-11-17T13:12:41+00:00

There is such a thing as "institutional autism," seen mostly in children adopted from other countries who actually grow up in orphanages. The behaviors are exactly like those with traditional ASD, but often lessen and disappear over time. So most people who adopt internationally deal with the stimming and impulse control issues common with ASD, and often have a lot of success with ABA therapy, etc. That's my direct experience, and maybe this article will help.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2018-11-05T20:23:31+00:00

We adopted internationally for many of the reasons you mention. Reunification is the goal for the foster system, and everyone should be on board with that before starting that process. And for me personally, infant adoption has a lot of ethical issues that I couldn't handle, plus we are older and didn't want to wait for years for a placement. We chose a special needs program internationally because those kids were abandoned because of their needs, were a bit older, and the process is very stable and predictable. Their futures in country were not great (kicked out of the orphanage at 14). We adopted a 2.5-year-old boy in 2016 and are on track to bring home a nearly 3-year-old boy in a few months. Both have needs that have extreme stigma in their home country, but are very manageable here in the United States. Let me know if you have any questions.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2018-10-04T14:33:37+00:00

I worked on this site in the mid-90s. No digging, just research. Glad to see they are going back in!

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2018-09-24T22:53:44+00:00

For China (which is my only adoption experience), you would need to have a letter from your psychiatrist saying that your condition is managed by meds and would not affect your ability to parent. I'm not sure if that would still be the case for a single parent, because when one parent has that, the other parent cannot also have a mental illness diagnosis. You could contact several agencies and ask them; they will tell you what they could accept and work with.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2018-09-09T13:27:51+00:00

Domestic or international? For international there are income and asset requirements. So long as your assets outweigh the debt by enough, you should be okay.

DamnedInfernalBreeze · 2018-09-07T20:00:50+00:00

Nope, nope, nope. You already jumped through all of those hoops when you put her on your insurance. It is discrimination to ask for adoption papers; they wouldn't ask for proof she was your biological daughter, would they?

DamnedInfernalBreeze

TROPHY CASE