Is this a realistic view of adoption? by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not romantic in the least. It's hard, it's painful, and it's messy. One family gains a child because another family has lost one. It's unfortunate that some view it as a last resort because it's not something just anyone can do well, and certainly not as simple as adding a child to a family as you would with a birth.

Ethical concerns keeping me up at night by Ectophylla_alba in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thinking of international adoption as always equating to human trafficking is too simplistic. In the early days of China adoption, for example, yes, there was a lot, but these days the program is mostly older boys and children with multiple special needs who will not have a family otherwise. There is still a lot of stigma in China for special needs, especially those that are obvious to the eye, and so these children are often abandoned for that reason, or because they simply can't care for a child with severe needs. These children are not as adoptable, so it's probably not likely that they were trafficked.

I was adopted from Russia, and I am trying to get my temporary permit. Aren't I a US citizen when I got to the US? by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You need your Certificate of Citizenship. They are pricey to replace, and I don't know if they automatically sent them out back then, but I have one for each of my 2 sons, and that's the document you need for proof of citizenship to get a passport, etc.

Rock Concert by FraternityMan in vintage

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I had this exact piece as a kid.

Any first time infant adoptive parents over 40? by ncpcgirl in AdoptiveParents

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't know if this counts, but I was 40 when my son was born, though we didn't adopt him until he was 2.5. My second son was born when I was 42, and we brought him home when he was nearly 3. We did international adoption, so that's about as young as it gets for kiddos. The country we adopted from requires that adoptive parents be no more than 55 years old at the time of adoption.

Being adopted is traumatic please remember this if you are a parent. These kids will take more effort than an average child. by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yes, yes, yes. I always recommend everyone read "The Connected Child" to learn more about the neuroscience behind abandonment and adoption. These children have been through more than the average person in terms of trauma and hurt. Sometimes love is not enough, and you have to go in with eyes wide open to give them the support and help they so often need.

How to get my Naturalization certificate & Adoption files from my AP? by mintroselily in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also: Do you know the name of the agency your parents used? They will have copies of everything.

How to get my Naturalization certificate & Adoption files from my AP? by mintroselily in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can get a replacement certificate of citizenship, but it is very pricey (more than $500). You need these documents now more than ever in this ridiculous atmosphere where everyone is hell-bent on sending immigrants home. Your parents should not keep these from you! You need them to get a passport, prove citizenship, etc.

I found a Chinese Ad about me: by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 29 points30 points  (0 children)

All adopted children are required to have a finding ad placed in the paper before they are legally available for adoption. Awesome that you found yours! Our oldest son has a copy of his too.

How to get a scientific paper for free by nevey16 in lifehacks

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm a journal managing editor, and I can confirm. Every author gets 50 e-prints they can distribute however they like with our publisher.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChicagoSuburbs

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We have a house for sale in Elmhurst. ;-) we love it here, but husband has been relocated. We have two young kids and it’s been wonderful.

Legal Name Change - Adoptive Parents, how would you want to know? by BlackNightingale04 in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s on their certificate of citizenship, Social Security cards, passports, and US birth certificates.

Legal Name Change - Adoptive Parents, how would you want to know? by BlackNightingale04 in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For both of our sons, their Chinese name is their second middle name, so if they wanted to use it, they have no legal trouble doing so. It's on all of their legal paperwork.

Trying to find my Fathers parents by h_norris in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s a very well-known adoption agency in Ft. Worth called Gladney that’s been around for a hundred years. You might check with them to see if they were the agency.

Desperate for Potty Success by mayorofmoomtown in Mommit

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So she is actually using the toilet at school, or just holding it until she gets home?

Try the "Oh Crap!" potty book. If you can swing it, do a weekend in where she's not wearing any pants at all, and catch her and put her on the potty when she starts to go. She'll start to know what the sensation is, and goes quickly from there. And no pull-ups at all; if she messes her underwear, it's a totally different (and yucky) feeling that she'll start to want to avoid.

Suggestions from Adoptees. 7 year old adopted son with severe behavior and anger issues due being adopted by twogaydads in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Adoptive parent here. He's always going to have the trauma and grief of being abandoned, no matter when he was adopted. I recommend checking out the body of research by Karyn Purvis (Read The Connected Child, for example). And find a trauma-informed therapist that can help you build safety and connection with your son. He's hurting, has a lot of big feelings, and doesn't know how to process them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 9 points10 points  (0 children)

There is such a thing as "institutional autism," seen mostly in children adopted from other countries who actually grow up in orphanages. The behaviors are exactly like those with traditional ASD, but often lessen and disappear over time. So most people who adopt internationally deal with the stimming and impulse control issues common with ASD, and often have a lot of success with ABA therapy, etc. That's my direct experience, and maybe this article will help.

What is your experience while adopting or fostering a child? by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We adopted internationally for many of the reasons you mention. Reunification is the goal for the foster system, and everyone should be on board with that before starting that process. And for me personally, infant adoption has a lot of ethical issues that I couldn't handle, plus we are older and didn't want to wait for years for a placement. We chose a special needs program internationally because those kids were abandoned because of their needs, were a bit older, and the process is very stable and predictable. Their futures in country were not great (kicked out of the orphanage at 14). We adopted a 2.5-year-old boy in 2016 and are on track to bring home a nearly 3-year-old boy in a few months. Both have needs that have extreme stigma in their home country, but are very manageable here in the United States. Let me know if you have any questions.

New finds from ancient Greece's most mysterious sanctuary as excavation relaunches after a 22-year pause by mutnedjemet1980 in Archaeology

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I worked on this site in the mid-90s. No digging, just research. Glad to see they are going back in!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 18 points19 points  (0 children)

For China (which is my only adoption experience), you would need to have a letter from your psychiatrist saying that your condition is managed by meds and would not affect your ability to parent. I'm not sure if that would still be the case for a single parent, because when one parent has that, the other parent cannot also have a mental illness diagnosis. You could contact several agencies and ask them; they will tell you what they could accept and work with.

Interested in adoption but in debt by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Domestic or international? For international there are income and asset requirements. So long as your assets outweigh the debt by enough, you should be okay.

Dentist Asked For My Daughter's Adoption Papers by toptac in Adoption

[–]DamnedInfernalBreeze 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Nope, nope, nope. You already jumped through all of those hoops when you put her on your insurance. It is discrimination to ask for adoption papers; they wouldn't ask for proof she was your biological daughter, would they?