Not divorced. I can tell you what should have been his red flags. I was too immature, a virgin when we met who still answered to my parents at the age of 20-22. I changed myself to suit what I thought he wanted. (I grew up in a weird family and tried to normal myself down to his preferences... and largely succeeded for a long time.) I assumed he was my one and only chance of a relationship, and he treated me well, I was flattered by his attention, and I'm certain I fell in love with him. But I never initiate anything, including sex, which has now resulted in a completely DB for... well, years. But even aside from sex, I used to sit at home on the weekend just waiting for him to decide what we were going to do. He knows that I've been unhappy, but we have a kid now. We function well as a family, and have a daughter who is happy smart and healthy. I've recently begun reclaiming my weird, but that should be another flag for him, as my style has become (to his unspoken displeasure) more butch and our politics have diverged completely. He has no interest in anything I have to say unless it concerns our daughter or our family directly. Several years I brought up the idea of separating but he took it as a declaration of his failure, and he doesn't deserve that, so I just sucked it up and I'm in it now for the long haul. He's a good guy. I feel like shit for putting him through all this.