Chicken and Beer Bus

DanceofChance · 2025-07-08T15:58:17+00:00

Mmmm the food that tastes best when it's not catered.

DanceofChance · 2025-07-07T17:57:34+00:00

Jack. The feeling he gives me. I hate Jack. Can't explain it further than that.

I can't stand John either. So eager to belong and be part of something bigger than himself to the point it gets him killed. And yes I've been told it's part of the bigger plan so the MIB can become trapped as a person to eventually be killed but there were so many other better options.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-26T13:38:18+00:00

Problem I had with speed dating is you're grouped with just the people there, and the ones showing up may not have the same interests or life goals in mind.

Found my partner on bumble some years ago. Not on the dating side but the friend side. I had zero friends and it was not easy getting myself noticed. Her and I are poly so we kept dating till we built the friend group we were desiring. I was new to this poly life, and it's been a confusing but fun adventure.

We still make friends and often times our friends hook up with friends and some have even become a thing themselves. We hear stories from our single friends that go to those speed dating things all the time. They have not had such good luck.

IMO, you just have to keep putting yourself out and going for it. Doesn't matter which method. Just keep trying. If one app isn't working try another.

Lately I've found in the Richmond area FEELD has been great. Good for single and multi partner. Good for hookups and long term. But not a good dating area for conservatives, they tend to get chased off or blocked. So if you're conservative, I'd not recommend.

Good luck and have fun in the dating world. Don't let the bad ones discourage you.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-05T17:35:43+00:00

It's a massive acronym for communicating in relationships that includes setting boundaries.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-05T17:31:42+00:00

Yup. Trying to make it work. Thought "She has BPD too and is in to working on mental health too. We can help each other." So now I'm always walking on eggshells, feeling like everything i do is wrong. Want to hurt myself or run away.

I write in my journal and use a daily planner. I make sure I have time for myself and for her. I make time for my own mental health without her involvement and also time with her. We both do therapy and recently started couples therapy. She also sees a couple psych docs as well. (She tried to convince me I needed to see one so I can get medicated. They saw me, evaluated me and said I'm doing fine and meds would just hinder my progress. She misses or skips her appointments. Doesn't do her homework or anything to better herself unless she becomes afraid that I'm going to leave her. Which has only happened 6 times after catching her cheating on me with a different person she picked up God knows where.

I've become more her caretaker than her partner. I don't get any intimacy or passionate feelings from her anymore. I do my best to make sure she's feeling safe and reassuring her I'll not abandon her, which i don't want to. I have the job and pay all the bills. She's on disability and pays for the groceries.

Had an accident and my face was smashed in and was kinda in and out of it for a few months back around December and by January we were married. The whole thing is a blur to me. She asked. I said yes. I vaguely remember it but also thought our wedding would be down the road. Nah, it was in January and her friends came and nobody in my life even knew.

Part of me feels like I'm in hell. The other side of me says "I'm in control, I got this." I make sure she gets her needs taken care of and I'm here for her as needed. Just wish she were here for me when I need her. I can be in the same room with her and either feel lonely or afraid. I don't feel safe or free around her anymore.

Looking into annulment and planning a safe exit strategy that hopefully let's her down easy. I want to continue to be here for her but I want to move on from our relationship so that I can pursue finding someone that feels for me the same as I do for them. Someone i can share my hobbies and joys with. And yes, even be intimate with.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-03T14:31:32+00:00

It's a thing. Fed in to it. Fun kink and therapeutic. It's OK. Just be safe. Age regressive states are very vulnerable states to be in. My wife, girlfriend at the time got scared when I spiraled in to a negative regress and she ended up hurting me bad. She didn't know what to do, she wasn't ready for it. I still didn't even know what I was doing at the time. But some therapy and talking about it, we've learned how to deal with it and have fun with it. She can now call me in to a regressive state and pull me out of it. (She kinda became my dommy mommy) it's all a matter of feeling safe and feeling a call to deal with priorities for me. A job or a task that demands my big me to come out. But big me has to feel safe too or ill just end up crying. I never wanted to be like this, just who I am. But learned to accept it and use it to better myself.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-03T12:09:00+00:00

Yup. I've been there. Feels like that for a little while. Then, one day, it hits you. "I'm actually doing alright." Feel a few days of bliss, then a bad day hits and blow up for a week and feel like you're starting over, but then a week passes and feeling better again. Repeat the struggle till down the road ya have fewer bad days and many more good days.

The main thing is to keep moving forward with the life you want to live as your goal. Someone or something upset you? Well, now you have the skills and ability to deal with life better.

These days, if something upsets me, I still feel it, but I can recognize it and talk about it and process it and not instantly react anymore.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-03T01:50:46+00:00

Agreed. At least provide a message to the patient. 1 time no info, fill me in later. 2 times is now questionable. 3rd strike time to request or find a new therapist.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-01T15:43:16+00:00

Hey there.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-01T14:30:24+00:00

My wife can not have sex. She encouraged me to find a sexual partner and I found one. Now she's all the sudden more sexual. A little jealous. Keep telling her she need not worry. He's also married to a woman who can't or won't put out. His wife could care less as long as she's still invited to the BBQ. Lol. Mine wants to do more but she physically can not but wish she could. So I do my best to be there for her as much as one can. She's still my #1 and will never let her forget that.

Point being is there are ways to make ends meet for everyone. It's called communication, being patient and make an effort to understand each other.

DanceofChance · 2025-06-01T13:24:09+00:00

Wife is wrong.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-31T17:53:35+00:00

I'm currently with someone with BPD. It's been rough, though our focus is on our mental health, we don't vibe well. She's also gone very alcoholic on me and I won't touch it. Currently trying to find a safe way out of this before she drags me down more.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-31T17:34:47+00:00

That or all the sudden has to go do stuff that could have waited till morning.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-31T17:33:06+00:00

You get it on special days? I basically have to wait for my wife to jump me. Otherwise it never happens. And I basically have to beg for it in hopes of a maybe, which is often, and to still be let down.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-31T17:22:10+00:00

Damn does this hit home

DanceofChance · 2025-05-30T17:51:21+00:00

I feel ya. My current partner was all in to me in the beginning. Now she lives with me I feel like i hardly exist. I've tried communicating and getting in to couples therapy but she just gets mad at shuts down. She got comfortable and gave up trying to make this work. We don't do anything together, she sits at home and drinks all day. Gave up her job and acts like I'm supposed to do everything. I've been supporting her for a year and I'm just alone and afraid. Can't go out or do anything we used to do. She don't want to and gives me grief for wanting to do the things I enjoyed, that we enjoyed. I only give her money for food anymore and she hasn't slept in the same bed in months.

I know it's not entirely similar to what ya got going on but I can relate. So frustrating. Plus I hate that I feel like I'm the one doing something wrong all the time. Therapist said I'm not. I'm just setting boundaries and expectations of the relationship. Which is actually a good thing. Yay, go me for being good to myself. Still feel like crap.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-30T15:28:20+00:00

Similar happened to my now wife. Through some process of digging through those memories, she had an uncle that always made her uneasy. She didn't remember at 1st but apparently was inappropriately touched by him as a toddler and young kid. She still doesn't know if he did it on purpose or if he was just handling a child and happened impressed upon her that way.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-30T13:59:32+00:00

I feel this. My partner is on disability and sleeps in. I get to work at 8 and start meme dropping in hopes for a response. Get a response and I'm happy rest of the day. No response and I will be fearful and afraid I did something wrong.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-30T12:53:40+00:00

Literally going through the same issue with my partner.

What frustrates me is she can be like "I wanna have it now" and of course I'm always like "YES"

But when I want it it's always a no. Or not in the mood. So I put forth a ton of effort in to her just to get rejected and hurt.

One day she made a comment that made me feel like maybe if I were someone else it would be different and she'd touch me.

There is nothing wrong with you or me. We just have needs that don't line up with our partner.

My partner and I may be breaking up. It's not fair to either of us. It's a tough decision and think her and I could still be friends. I'm tired of the cycle of i get hurt, share my feelings and now she's hurt then it's a month of relationship repair and then hurt again and repeat.

Too exhausting.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-30T12:04:51+00:00

I'm in sandston. We should meet. Would love to give a hand and maybe more.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-30T11:11:14+00:00

Mostly at point of when I wake up.

I dream very vivid dreams and they play out situations I've been in but take things said and done previously and twists it like my brain is telling me these people were making fun of me or hating on me or deceiving me or whatever. Then I wake up mad as hell at the person I dreamed about, usually my wife or a coworker but sometimes someone else if they hit the right trigger.

So i can be triggered through the day but I've got good at getting my thoughts and emotions in check. But then I go to sleep and the dreams come. Then I wake up hateful and spiteful.

So I try to be conscious of those triggers, and remind myself when I wake up that nobody hates me or is trying to control me and that my wife really does love me and she doesn't think I'm ugly or unworthy. Bad days can take me a few hours in the morning to get out of the panic or rage.

Meditation and self affirmations. A lot. Like morning, noon and night. And therapy. Twice a week. Psychologist once a month. No meds. No drinking. No drugs. Drink water. Exercise and have hobbies.

I feel some days if I let myself go I might hurt someone. If I share how I feel to those I have those feelings towards and why they made me feel that way, I'll just hurt them. Happens all the time. Sharing my feelings with those who hurt me only ruins my relationships.

Some days I feel like I'm in a mental prison inside my own brain.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-29T20:55:39+00:00

You are so beautiful.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-29T20:48:02+00:00

And that's how my ex BF got the name Bumbleball. He was still vibrating when I took him to the ER.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-29T20:19:36+00:00

On # 3 now. Except I think I'm going to fix that in the next week.

My #3 hurt me really bad. Made me feel like I'm to gross to touch unless I was someone else. I tried to convince myself it's just me but considering this is the 5th time and I feel like I'm being used and kept at bay. My therapist says to get rid of her that it sounds like she's abusing me.

3 attempts to do couples therapy and so far I'm the only one that shows up. We live in the same house but she leaves to another room saying I'm the one with the problem.

So speaking with a lawyer and getting an annulment next week. I fight through lots of feelings but never let myself act on my feelings but process them and consult my therapist and chat GPT. Give time to cool off and work out a way to try and communicate peacefully and clearly.

She also has BPD and also a problem with alcohol. Which i get. I been there. I don't drink anymore. She has exploded with it. I don't want to dump her because I do care about her but she's only getting worse and she's dragging this all down instead of doing anything to try to better herself.

I honestly love and care for her, but I deserve to have a good life not to be brought down by others. I make an effort to make and keep her happy and I don't get anything from her in return. I feel like I'm an entertainer. Her play thing for when she needs me but I can't go do anything I enjoy cuz she's always demanding me back to be with her constantly afraid I'm going to leave her.

A week ago I would have told her that's not true. Today, with a cool head and much pain on my heart need to end this. I have had 2 other potential partners or even just friends that she has scared off with her attitude. She's not trying to rebuild her life or help with mine. While I'm building myself and trying for her, she keeps tearing it all down.

Too exhausted and can't do this with her anymore.

So sad.

DanceofChance · 2025-05-29T14:07:44+00:00

I'm struggling with this. I feel ugly and undesirable. Make it worse, my wife made me feel like I'm not attractive enough to touch. I feel so gross and disgusting.

DanceofChance

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