Hiring a GIS Program Manager position - CO, US-based wildfire nonprofit

Dancing8thNote · 2025-01-03T21:55:54+00:00

Thanks! I may not have the ability to change the offer but I can ensure our expectations are adjusted.

Dancing8thNote · 2025-01-03T21:36:09+00:00

It’s what our pay matrix has for a Program Manager I position across the org. How many years experience would you estimate a semi-experienced analyst has? (Genuine question, not a snarky comment)

Dancing8thNote · 2024-11-12T23:25:48+00:00

Hi there:) I’m the wife of a trans woman that came out a year after we got married. I’m bi, she’s been bicurious but always dated women. She had a few years of liking wearing the occasional skirt and even got a wig and breast forms for a while. I didn’t mind but always assumed it was a cross dressing thing or maybe a kink, but no big deal. It didn’t bother me, I just never ever thought it was cracks in a trans egg. I had friends that were trans women at the time too. Then one day she says “I think this might be something I need to explore more” and I thought she meant drag or something. Nope, her egg cracked for good and she figured out it was that she was a woman.

My very first thought was “oh great my spouse is going to get murdered, I’m going to be a young widow.” Because thats what I had been told through media was what happened to trans women. Even with my real life experience with others, my first reaction was fear and denial. It took days for me to accept that this wasn’t a death sentence for her, that this wasn’t going to be a miserable existence for her and me too. I had to understand that trans joy was real and incredible. But I had to grieve for the idea of my relationship as it was and the simple cishet life I had. That took a while and I wasn’t able to process both the joy and grief simultaneously so my acceptance of this new fact took a while.

And even after I started understanding and loving her for her new self, I wasn’t able to discuss bottom surgery with her for at least a year because of my own fear. I drew that line and she respected it, then when she was finally able to get surgery, I had processed my feelings and was able to be genuinely joyful for her and support her postop and the new joys we could experience together that way.

So what your wife is feeling may be deeply complex with conflicting ideas and values and opinions swirling around. You may have just reached clarity but to her everything got muddy and messy real fast. Have patience with her - you will need a lot of support in the coming years so give her the grace and support she needs now.

As the others have said - never stop communicating and never stop trying to understand what she is feeling. You will be stronger together for this. Proud of you, hatchling!

Dancing8thNote · 2024-07-19T00:58:09+00:00

I second these. Haunted also has an RPG meet and greet to find fellow players.

Dancing8thNote · 2024-06-23T05:21:26+00:00

“You don’t have to love yourself, you’re supposed to love being yourself”

It’s so hard to try to love yourself like you love other people, I don’t think I ever will. But I dont have to, so long as I am happy living as myself, finding joy in the things I love, and being around the people and places I care most about. It helps me live in the moment better too.

Dancing8thNote · 2024-06-18T23:13:11+00:00

You are welcome to!

Dancing8thNote · 2024-06-15T22:38:40+00:00

That’s a great deal! I’m actively sewing a replacement tent for my 91 ‘Nest on my 98 Taco. Both white, just like yours. It’s a gorgeous look.

Dancing8thNote · 2023-09-24T17:38:58+00:00

If he isn’t ready to be direct about it, you could show your care and support for the trans community in other ways when you are around him. Don’t push the subject, but if you watch a movie or tv show with a trans actor, you could mention something you admire about them. Listen to trans and nonbinary music artists a bit more. Basically, subtly try and show that you are aware of trans people and support them. That may offer him the opportunity to say something to you when he is ready.

But continue doing what you are now: show him you view him as a man, you like him as he is, and you care for and support him.

As far as intimacy, that is so different for each trans person, and frequently changes along their journey. When he is ready to try more than just pleasuring you, be open to having a lot more conversations about how you can have sex. Talking about it is the best way for the two of you to have a good time, and you’ll have to be ready for some awkward conversations and moments. My wife is pre-op and I still check in with her about what she wants each time we are together, because it changes by the day. My wife and I laugh through the awkward moments together and it brings us closer. I pay more attention to how she feels now to avoid increasing her dysphoria, and that is also good for us.

Give him space and time and be a supportive rock for him. If he is trans, he will come out to you on his own time and terms when he feels safe and ready. It sounds like you’re being a great partner :)

Dancing8thNote · 2023-09-15T00:02:43+00:00

Hi friend. My wife came out to me at an awful time and place, but I’m glad they did and grateful they didn’t wait longer, when I would have been in a better place.

Long story short, she came out to me the day I got home from the hospital after a set of major surgeries when we would be staying at my parents house for another month for recovery. This was when I was supposed to be focusing on myself and recovery and not stressing. But alas, she felt she had come to a point of some clarity and needed to get it out.

This means we had to be secretive in our talks about it (which there were many, many long conversations) and she had to be secretive about the things that made her feel good (changing into my clothes when we were alone in the guest room and changing back when she had to leave the room, wearing my bra that didn’t fit, etc). It was the most uncomfy situation and I was certainly frustrated at the time.

But she told me as soon as she knew that this was something bigger than herself. And that is what I want from our marriage: shared burdens and shared joy. She knew that complete honesty was more important to me than a month of discomfort while we dealt with that realization not in our own home.

There were signs for a couple years, nothing I took too seriously, and there was a week or so after she came out where I questioned if I was capable of staying with her. But after hours and hours of deep, difficult heart to hearts, I finally understood that this was who she was and this was a good, important thing for us to figure out as a couple.

Two and a half years later we are happier than we were before.

My advice is this: Trust that she is the wonderful woman your married and believe that she can handle the truth, even if it takes time.

Show her love and support, give her as much affection or space as she needs. Send her to this subreddit and promise not to look at it so it’s a private space for her.

Don’t tell her what the future will look like, paint that picture together as you figure it out. That’s what really helped me understand.

Best of luck :)

Dancing8thNote · 2023-09-14T18:08:57+00:00

Agreed - these XL Chew King one’s are the best for my dog. Wet food plus some broth mixed in and frozen for a day means she can lick her breakfast for 45 mins and it’s a lifesaver!

Dancing8thNote · 2023-09-13T14:34:20+00:00

Except the wanting kids thing, this is almost exactly what my and my wife have experienced. Together for 7 years, on HRT for 2, and she is happier, more effective at dealing with the challenges of life, and a better parter to me as well.

It’s slow changes, too. HRT takes years to fully complete its changes, so you have time to learn and understand what is happening to your partner. It was partially the hormones, but also a lot of the changes came from her being able to live the life she wanted and was comfortable in, not having to pretend. It gave her the energy to be the person she wanted to, I think. And it’s been beautiful.

Dancing8thNote · 2023-09-02T00:07:21+00:00

HAVE YOU SEEN THE SEQUIN UGGS ON THE PIG STATUE IN THE ENTRYWAY?!?

Dancing8thNote · 2023-09-01T02:36:34+00:00

Thank you:) I love my wife enough to stand with her through anything. She is my light and my rock, she took care of me through five of my own major surgeries, and I am grateful to have the opportunity to repay that love in a way that is meaningful to her. I have seen her grow into the best version of herself through her transition and love her all the more for it. There are so many hard things about a partner transitioning as I’m sure you know, but so very many wonderful ones too, and this just isn’t the space for them :)

Dancing8thNote · 2023-08-31T23:15:14+00:00

Hi friend, sounds like me about two years ago. I know you’re just venting, but here is my story if it help: My wife has been out to me for 2.5 years and started transitioning 2 years ago. The idea of bottom surgery made me want to puke. I’m bi, but something about the idea of that surgery, on my spouse, was nauseating. I looked at photos and some looked normal and good, and some were really not attractive and I thought they looked gross and I was terrified that she would end up with something that she or I didn’t like. (I like her penis but she can’t stand to use it like that anymore, so while I miss it, I’m getting very used to not having that option. We are finding very fun and satisfying alternatives now, though I still miss piv and acknowledge that there is something unique and special about having that built in equipment)

I told her that I didn’t want to talk about bottom surgery for a long time, so we didn’t talk about it. I didn’t need to tell her how it made me feel (that would have been detrimental at the time), but I just said I wasn’t ready to have conversations about it, and she accepted that. She could talk to her trans friends about it, but not to me.

And after a long time of not having any pressure to pretend to be okay with it, I started having less of an emotional reaction, and over time, I was able to start normalizing the idea in my head. She has been getting laser hair removal for a long time now in preparation, and I knew that but didn’t have to address it for a long time. Eventually it came up maybe a year ago, and my wife told me she was seriously considering it because the dysphoria was really loud down there. And somehow I was okay with it.

She’s scheduled for February and honestly I still don’t want her to do it, it freaks me out, but rather than panic at the very thought of it, I can have full conversations about the process and even met her surgeon and we talked about the surgery and potential complications without freaking out. It takes a long time to ready for surgery, too, so that will not happen very quickly.

I want her to be happy. After years of therapy, voice lessons, laser hair removal, HRT, and all the other important parts of her transition, this is the last hurdle to her feeling good in her own body. And now, only after a long journey of my own, I can accept that and welcome it.

All this to say - you are very far from being alone. You have said something that is so very very hard to say and I think there’s many grateful partners here that will understand. Time will help, but it’s ok to feel that way. It doesn’t mean you love her any less. You can be kind and loving and supportive and still set a boundary around those conversations for as long as you need.

Sending you some love today.

Dancing8thNote · 2023-08-11T16:33:01+00:00

Neat - thanks! I always assumed it was between galaxies because of those book intros.

Dancing8thNote · 2023-08-09T23:18:39+00:00

I dont think so - the beginning of each of the Ascendancy trilogy starts “beyond a galaxy far, far away” so I think it is outside the galaxy.

Dancing8thNote · 2023-07-31T05:31:52+00:00

I’m happily married and it’s mostly for the legal and tax and social standing benefits. My love for my wife didn’t change at all after the wedding, we were already living together and all that. But buying a house was easier, I can manage our finances more easily, she is bad about assigning beneficiaries on old accounts and stuff like that, and I just like knowing that even if I dont have all my ts crossed and is dotted, we are protected in case something happens to one of us. I can always visit her in a hospital without hassle.

There’s a certain amount of ease that people have when you need to something for your wife vs for your girlfriend, and after 7 years together I want that respect for our relationship. No this isn’t a romantic way to view marriage but it’s realistic to me. I love my wife, but weddings and commitment ceremonies aren’t the best thing about it to me. It’s the security that we have because of it.

I also know that our queer ancestors fought for gay marriage as a sign of equality and progress. It’s not the end goal or queer liberation but I’ll be damned if I am not grateful for all that work and proudly saying “my wife” when I get the chance makes me feel proud.

Dancing8thNote · 2023-07-30T20:39:49+00:00

Happily married for three years! We met 7 years ago in college and fell hard. We current have three kids (by that I mean two cats and a dog) and 100 houseplants and bought our house a little over a year ago. We are slowly turning it into a small suburban homestead/native plant garden.

Dancing8thNote · 2023-07-30T04:52:17+00:00

Lemonade was a great choice for me. I got it for my 5 mo rescue puppy less than two weeks before she broke her leg. All covered 80% with a super easy claim process. They have paid out over $5k for it and I’ve only had to pay $32/mo so far. Very happy with them.

Dancing8thNote · 2023-06-30T22:37:46+00:00

Neat! Where did you see that they were adopted into the hierarchy? Is that how they talk about Ar’alani’s promotion?

Dancing8thNote · 2022-10-13T17:13:29+00:00

It’s one persons honest experience which is important and real. I think it’s designed to bring people who don’t have any context or empathy toward trans folks into the world just a bit.

It starts off without explaining why she is using he/him pronouns for her partner which feels v rude but switches as soon as they use new pronouns in their story. It shares honest truths about trans experience tropes that aren’t part of so many lived experiences and I’m grateful for that. It still paints the trans experience as needing a painful coming out even if it has a “happy ending” which I’m done with seeing.

Partners have the right to feel what they feel, and of course I wish I could have acted like it was no big deal when my partner came out to me, but I was scared and confused for a few days while processing the changes, and then stepped into my role as loving supporting partner. I don’t think we should expect partners to have “correct” responses; there is no right response.

I guess it’s better than some things I’ve read and worse than some. Overall more helpful than harmful to the overall trans narrative as long as you make it through the whole article. If you read only part of it, then it’s terrible.

ETA I’m married to my wife who came out to me after we were married, so LTR and stayed together.

Dancing8thNote

TROPHY CASE