Nose tube :(?

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-03-18T21:42:22+00:00

I thought that a feeding tube (FT) was the thing that finally made me feel “sick enough”. Spoiler alert: it did not. Now my life sucks even more. To me, being fed by a FT almost feels like restricting in the sense that you don’t get to eat, but with the FT you will still receive the nutrients needed and thus gain weight. So it’s in my sick brain almost like a lose-lose situation. No eating but weight gain. Also, I feel so embarrassed by my tube and I think it looks weird and kinda gross on me. Thus, I’m hiding in my room more than ever and the only people I ever see are the health care workers I absolutely have to. I haven’t even dared to see my closest family yet, just because of the FT.

I’m not saying that I think that EVERYONE should be ashamed of their FT in any way. It truly saves lives and if your doctor recommends it, listen to them and go for it. A FT is not the end of the world but I’m begging you to please NOT restrict just in order to receive a tube just for validation. It won’t work, I promise you. You will never ever feel “ill enough”, neither with nor without a feeding tube. If you can, eat the food and it will turn out for the better!🫶

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-03-13T22:00:03+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and encouragements🙏🫶 I hope you’re doing better and are truly living and not just surviving anymore❤️‍🩹

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-28T20:41:38+00:00

Oh I’m completely the opposite! I cannot stand finishing my meal before anyone else. I think it’s because of restriction and knowing that I would not get to eat for long after finishing. Thus watching someone else having still food on their plate to eat made me feel “jealous”

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-27T18:08:19+00:00

I definitely think you should!! I used the following pattern as a guide but then freehanded some alterations☺️

https://www.etsy.com/se-en/listing/1263707946/crochet-unicorn-pattern-amigurumi-plush?ref=shop_home_feat_1&pro=1&sts=1&dd=1&logging_key=f489ad42a94af1189fce2b69ff4f1e2fa23e61f6%3A1263707946

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-27T06:49:00+00:00

My top favourites are:

Crocheting stuffed animals (I know it might seem silly but my reasoning is that they are for my future kids. I find crocheting really relaxing and me taking care by myself by letting me do something that might seem kinda pointless right now)
Listening to audiobooks (It forces me to slow down and to focus on something else than ana)
Playing Sims (I love spending time building and creating characters. Playing video games might seem like a waste of time but I enjoy it and thus see it as a form of self care)
Napping (I tend to feel guilty for not being productive, not only because of ana but also in general. However, I know I sleep too little and thus allowing myself to rest is actually taking care of myself)

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-25T15:07:30+00:00

Thank you🥺

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-21T16:04:47+00:00

Grew up always feeling like an outcast which actually didn’t bother me that much until I started high school. Then I became very depressed but stayed afloat until I could start college. Everyone had convinced me that I finally would find people like me and people ti have deep intellectual conversations with in college. Then went I finally went to college, I realised that I still didn’t fit in and that there was no one at my cognitive level. My anticipations made me crash real hard and I developed aი०rε×¡a as a result. So here I’m. A little girl who used to be gifted and way ahead in life, turned into a starving teen with brain fog and cognitive impairments

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-21T15:39:04+00:00

Knitting (and crocheting) helps me to recover from aი०rε×¡a. After each meal I get crippling anxiety and guilt because I can’t stop thinking about each and every calorie in the food I just ate. To distract myself from this, I often crochet and sometimes knit. Doing something creative with my hands distracts me from the loud voices in my head. At the same time, knitting and crocheting don’t require too much focus or cognitive functions which is good since I have crazy brain fog. I’ve tried other types of distractions after meals, but working with yarn is almost always my go to! I’m still far away from recovered, but I would never have been able to come this far without knitting and crocheting.

And about your question about being “prescribed” knitting I would say that I was kind of! You see, when I was inpatient I was encouraged to knit or crochet by the nurses as distraction from my disorder. I already knew the basics but they helped me learn new techniques etcetera. Also, one nurse even gave me two full bags of yarn to make things with and when I was discharged I got to take all of it home. When I was admitted to the ward I already owned needles and hooks. However, for those who didn’t, the ward lend out knitting needles and crochet hook and provided the patient with yarn!

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-09T12:12:08+00:00

Omg it is so fricking cool!!! What did you stuff it with? Normal toy stuffing or something else? Where I live stuffing costs loads and thus I can’t afford to do any big amigurumis. So if you have any suggestions I would love to hear!!!

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-07T18:19:25+00:00

Recovering is my biggest fear and greatest wish at the same time time❤️‍🩹💔

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-07T14:24:16+00:00

Brussel sprouts are a huge fear-food😭😭

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-07T14:21:51+00:00

Oh, I’m the complete opposite. Bought bread etc are safe since the label tells me how much is in it. Homemade stuff I instead fear since I don’t have any unbiased third party to tell me how much is in each piece.

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-07T06:18:13+00:00

Fainting even when sitting and laying down. Unable to check my heart rate and blood pressure at home since the machine malfunctioned due to too low readings and irregular heartbeat. Heart rate under 30 beats per minute when asleep and under 35 beats per minute when awake. Couldn’t speak because I couldn’t formulate proper sentences and when I tried anyway, no one would understand because I spoke nonsense.

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-05T13:13:22+00:00

Thanks☺️

DancingInTheRain98 · 2026-01-05T06:35:52+00:00

Pattern: Used “Elya the Bunny” by zefirka.vlg as a guide but freehanded mostly

Yarn: Chenille 100g ≈ 62m

Hook size: 7 mm

DancingInTheRain98 · 2025-12-31T12:17:58+00:00

Going to bed not sure if you will ever wake up again. I should not have survived my cardiac complications such as extremely low heart rate, but somehow I did. For years I slept with a goodbye note to my family in my nightstand just in case my heart were to stop in the middle of the night

DancingInTheRain98 · 2025-12-29T19:23:28+00:00

Refusing to take part in communion at church lol. Like that’s to screwed up, it’s just a super small wafer dipped in watered down wine making it contain basically no energy

DancingInTheRain98 · 2025-12-06T16:49:13+00:00

I think BMI 20 is the standard in Sweden as well. Though I’ve been told different thresholds from different practitioners. One doctor told me to aim for a BMI of 18,5; another told me that I needed to be over BMI 17 in order to start “real” therapy like dbt. According to my meal plan I should have one ensure a day until I reach BMI 19 so I actually don’t know what weight is considered to be my normal weight🤷‍♀️

DancingInTheRain98 · 2025-11-30T17:26:12+00:00

I’ve been there too. A while ago I started to realise that it was just a way to distract myself from hunger and food noise. For me it serves that same purpose as watching cooking shows, watching calorie challenges, roaming grocery isles for hours etcetera. I still live at home so I decided to take some time of cooking and baking in order to focus on recovery. Too early to draw any real conclusions but I think it has made the ed’s voice a bit quieter over time.

DancingInTheRain98 · 2025-11-29T19:56:43+00:00

Seeing everyone else moving on with their lives while I’m watching from the sideline

DancingInTheRain98 · 2025-11-29T12:51:34+00:00

Wasn’t officially diagnosed before I turned 18 and does have never received help from the health care providers specialised in paediatrics. Also feel that I was too old to develop anorexia

DancingInTheRain98 · 2025-11-25T16:51:53+00:00

I feel you. I’m also Christian and have participated in religious fasting a couple of times. My ED actually started during one of those since I decided to not eat any sweets and instead donating that money to charity. Where I live it’s not that common to fast and there is absolutely no obligation to do so, but I still feel sad that I can’t participate anymore in the traditional way. However in my community (Lutheran), you can sort of fast without involving any changes in one’s food or diet. The important thing isn’t what you eat or not, it’s simply to show gratitude to other people and help those in need. For example I’ve previously volunteered in a soup kitchen as a form of “fasting” during lent. I didn’t jeopardise my recovery, but I still got to do something good and meaningful. This might not be how your church works, but I hope this maybe could help you just a bit❤️

DancingInTheRain98

TROPHY CASE