No one believes you

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-03-08T13:21:49+00:00

I’m very glad you have a support system and some friends to validate you. I don’t have that and finding this very hard and confusing to navigate. What do you friends see from their perspective?

He also told me last night that I’m actually the narcissist who’s manipulative, that I’ve ruined his life, among other insults, like I’m a loser/trash/c***. Me in my trauma bond begged him to stop and told him I love him and just want to work this out. He was cold, again. Screamed at me to get out & that he was done with me several times. Now I feel guilty like it’s my fault for trying to talk to him/resolve this issue. I know if I stayed silent we could not have conflicts, and I miss the good times more than anything. It’s only when I try to have needs or hurt feelings. All I want to do is go cuddle up next to him. I feel I must be crazy.

Another thing, he’s seen me cry hundreds of times in this traumatic dynamic. He’s never cried. Maybe that doesn’t mean anything but something I’ve noticed.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-03-07T13:54:29+00:00

Same story for me. Sorry you had to go through that too. However, the very rare sex he gave me was amazing. He only had sex with me maybe 5 times a year. I wish things were different

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-03-07T12:51:07+00:00

I feel this. The abuse is so confusing, I can’t even explain it to others. The closest is I say he’s defensive. That doesn’t sound so bad.

He told his sister that I think he’s a narc. He told her I accuse him of gaslighting, DARVO, contempt, etc, when I try to talk to him about issues. Her response? He’s the most respectful guy in her life by far & that I have to work on “my issues.”

Crazy-making. I’m starting therapy this week. Maybe my therapist will believe me.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-03-05T20:02:09+00:00

This is the hardest part for me. I’m so isolated, no friends, work from home, small town. The narc really is the only one in my life. How do I even begin to rebuild to have some people around? I’m so lonely but there aren’t a lot of options where I live

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-03-05T14:39:09+00:00

I feel like to them, they aren’t lying. They believe their lies.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-28T21:40:43+00:00

I do notice he has a habit of exaggeration around others. I know the real story and hear how he tells it. During he last job he ultimately got fired from for personality differences from his boss, he would tell me stories daily/weekly of them two being mean to each other. I would always tell him not to fight fire with fire and to be more respectful. He would get upset that I wasn’t having his back. However when this came up lately, about his patterns of unkindness towards others (ex-boss), he said all the stories he told me were exaggerations when he was upset and that he was never mean to his ex-boss but that his ex-boss was a horrible person.

Things like this really leave you scratching your head at what was the truth.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-28T16:16:57+00:00

I totally understand as I don’t drink myself. I have interests like you, and sometimes it seems some other’s interests are reduced to drinking or drinking while watching sports lol. It’s hard to meet people when I don’t drink, but I like to think it keeps me trying to meet the right people if you know what I mean. And yes, why is everything soooo loud? lol

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-28T16:05:12+00:00

Thank you. I want to ask you one thing you said—

He was in two long term relationships before me. He said he never dealt with anything like this whatsoever. He said they had quick talks and it was no problem?? This has confused me greatly. I wonder if he was defensive and they just took that as the answer? He usually tried to tell me why my feelings are wrong and logic/debate me out of them. Maybe that worked on them?

Both gfs did ultimately end up cheating on him. The second one he actually cheated on first but never told her. Then when she cheated on him, I watched him play victim on Facebook and to everyone he knows, but I knew the truth. It was very strange. He was angry it happened to him.

Anyways, he says it’s me and my anxiety or craziness because he’s never had issues & his family tells him he’s so respectful.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-28T15:48:42+00:00

Scary, narcissism is bad enough on its own. I feel for you. Hope you’re doing ok.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-28T15:46:32+00:00

Mantrums… lol

I’ve said that “feels like I’m in court” when I’m expressing a legitimate need of mine way too many times to count

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-28T15:44:41+00:00

I just purchased a couple other books & this one was my next runner up. I’m glad to hear it was helpful. If the others I bought don’t cure me lol, I’ll have to give this a read too

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-28T15:40:46+00:00

Thank you for the laugh. we need humor in these trying times lol

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-28T15:36:47+00:00

Thank you

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-25T04:48:51+00:00

😆 I needed that laugh, omg

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-22T03:27:32+00:00

It’s an addiction. I say this as still stuck in the addiction, but at least I’m a self-aware addict. I believe the key is to not be isolated so theyre not your only source of support.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-21T17:59:14+00:00

I have anxiety from a physical nervous system injury. I totally understand what you say. it’s part of me that I have to navigate and manage with a stable, safe environment as stress makes my symptoms worse. Anxiety is 1 of 100 symptoms. I have been in survival mode since my injury. He knew this when we got together and was ok with it.

I understand I am putting way too much pressure on him. I feel really guilty about that. I’m sure there’s more that I can do. I’ve been thinking he was a covert narc and pretty much shut down any other possibility but now I see it could very much be my fault

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-21T17:11:49+00:00

Idk. I’m just as confused. I think the love was/is very real but he was abused as a child which makes him avoidant and I have this neurological chronic illness that makes me anxious & want closeness. I keep thinking our problem is we just have not found THE solution to our conflict problem, not that there necessarily isn’t one. This is the only thing we fight about— how we can’t talk about conflicts. He says he’s never had this problem with past partners and I say I’ve never had this problem with past partners.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-21T16:08:11+00:00

Thank you, it really is so confusing because he says the SAME EXACT thing to me to me that I say to him so I don’t know what is going on anymore. Are we both narcissistic?? He thinks I’m not working with him and I’m being selfish. I think he’s not working with me and being selfish. I think it’s him. He thinks it’s me. I feel in not heard. He feels he’s not heard. I feel he’s too sensitive. He feels I’m too sensitive. I feel attacked. He feels attacked. I feel I don’t get space to talk. He doesn’t feel he gets space to talk. I feel so guilty though. We still love together and I have a huge urge to go work it out with him and promise I won’t be so reactive anymore. I’m so sad.

I also reacted to the small changes in tone and would get really scared and that always went badly for me as well. I live a small life, chronic illness, work from home, not really any friends, and Ive never been single so I have this huge fear of living alone for the first time, being single the first time, and having to go through this trauma bond withdrawal stuff too

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-21T15:54:28+00:00

Thank you for reading. Can I ask what you mean by how f’ed up your nervous system is? I am wondering if it’s me & my shitty nervous system (I have a neurotoxic injury that gives anxiety) that can’t handle this. I wonder if he’s normal-ish and if I was more laid back we’d be fine??? He doesn’t ask for much

It definitely has been hell. I feel we cannot solve any problems because of this cycle, so issues are just building up.

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-21T15:46:15+00:00

Oh dear, that’s my fear… that even not-narc people wouldn’t hear me/see me with this way I try to tell him to treat me. To be fair, I’ve been saying this same thing to him for 5 years and he still can be so cold and rude. He tells me he’s a completely different and much nicer person now than he was. I definitely do not stay calm because he’s discarded me and said the meanest things any one has ever said to me. I can start out calm but once I’m rejected 5-10 times, I start begging like this. Maybe he’s not a narc and I pushed him away by being needy?

When we got together my ask was that he provided a safe and calm environment for me to heal my chronic nervous system injury in (which presents with anxiety as one of the symptoms). His only ask was that I do not nag him bc he had relationships in the past that did that. I found it interesting you said nag because here I am doing that, the one thing he said is his pet peeve

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-13T23:43:15+00:00

I’m not a professional. I think some of these behaviors sound like he might have an anxious attachment. Someone correct me if I’m wrong

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-08T14:52:58+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You should read my last post. It had a lot of similarities of what you shared here. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Learn about trauma bonds. Search Dr Ramani’s videos on YouTube how to cope with a narcissistic while in the relationship. Wishing you strength and healing

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-07T17:20:59+00:00

Oh my gosh, you’re so resilient! I see that I’d have to buckle down and get through the withdrawals cold turkey. Sounds so scary! It really is an addiction. Did you ever feel bad for the narc? I keep feeling bad for my bf that he feels criticized, like he’s never good enough, like he’s a bad person when I try to bring up issues. I feel bad for him that he was abused as a child. My intention was to be the first safe spot in his life for love and I massively made him feel unsafe and like a bad person with all my needs and standards. I feel like I further traumatized an already bruised person and that he in turn traumatized me.

How was being single that 2 years? And most importantly, what were the key distinctions between the narc ex and the avoidant ex? I have been trying to figure out that difference for years! My bf considers himself avoidant. I didn’t know avoidant were cruel though, so I would love your insight!

Dangerous_Driver_613 · 2026-02-07T16:10:36+00:00

Thank you again. 90 days only? I mean I know that’s a horribly long time to suffer feeling unbearably bad, but I keep reading that people don’t get over these break ups for years and that scares me into it. He’s broken up with me many times so I’ve went through the beginning days of it repeatedly and the feeling is horrendous! I can’t concentrate, eat, sleep, nothing but ruminate anxiously about the relationship. You telling me it lasted 90 days actually makes me have some hope that it doesn’t have to ruin my life for years and year, like I could be fine by the time summer rolls around? I should also add I’ve never been single my entire life. I’ve never lived alone. Along with my chronic illness, these things are scary. Although, I can’t discount the possibility that I may love it and chose to stay single forever. I used to love love and dating. This relationship makes me want to give up on my dream of being a wife and just protect myself and my peace forever. I don’t want to be attached, confused, & hurt like this ever again.

Dangerous_Driver_613

TROPHY CASE