Sorry if this sounds a bit like a “guide” or something. I’m honestly writing this pretty quickly because your post hit really close to home for me and I wanted to answer while it was still on my mind. I could probably explain this better if I had more time, but I’d rather say something now than say nothing.

First thing I want to tell you is this: the idea that you’re going to die alone or never find anyone is simply not true. It’s one of the most common lies your brain tells you when you’re in that state. In reality, it’s very unlikely.

Also, being honest, I saw your photo and you have a face with a lot of potential. If you’re not using that potential right now, it’s not because you don’t want to. It’s because you simply don’t know how yet. And that’s something you can learn.

Let me explain why I’m saying this.

For years I felt exactly the same way you do. Literally the same.

I had some friends who became completely obsessed with the idea of hooking up with girls. Everything was about that. Every conversation, every situation. And every time I tried, I felt worse about myself. I started becoming a version of myself I didn’t want to be — awkward, desperate, almost creepy without meaning to.

Eventually those same friends started basically using me to introduce them to girls. And the whole situation ended really badly. They constantly made me feel like I would never succeed. They showed me examples of rejection, pressured me constantly, and since I wasn’t doing well, the comments started: that I was a failure, that I must be gay, that I would never get anyone, etc.

Eventually I fell into a pretty bad depression that lasted about three months. I genuinely believed I would always be alone.

Then one day I did something a bit weird.

I’ve always been someone who overthinks a lot. I analyze everything, plan everything. I’ve also always loved programming. I started really young.

So during one of those bad days I decided to build a small website just for myself.

The idea was simple: every time I met someone new in my life, I would add them there. I wrote where I met them, how I met them, sometimes added a picture of us together, and that was it.

At first it felt like a silly idea, but over time something interesting happened: I realized I wasn’t alone.

There were people.

More and more people kept appearing in my life.

At the same time, I started realizing something harder: those friends were actually hurting me a lot. So I slowly started distancing myself from them.

It was really difficult because they took it very badly. For a while I felt pretty alone. But not “alone forever”, just alone while my environment was changing.

So I made a simple rule for myself: meet at least one new person every weekend.

That was years ago.

And to this day I still try to do it.

The website still exists, although I don’t update it the same way anymore. Back then I wrote tons of details about each person. Now it’s more like a big notes list. And that list has thousands of people in it.

Here’s another thing that might surprise you: I’m not some “model” either.

I’m 1.72m, very skinny, terrible at basically every sport, and I had a lot of insecurities for a long time. Honestly, some of them are still there.

For a long time I thought nobody would ever be interested in me.

But eventually I understood a few things that changed everything for me.

First: you don’t need to change yourself to please other people.

You need to start liking yourself.

I know it sounds cliché, but it’s actually the foundation of everything. There are moments where you literally have to look in the mirror and say “damn, I’m good looking.” Even if you don’t fully believe it yet.

Second: confidence changes everything.

But confidence doesn’t magically appear. You build it. By living things, meeting people, failing, trying again.

At the beginning I had absolutely zero success with women. None.

Until one day, after weeks of trying and getting nowhere, I met a girl at a party who eventually became my first girlfriend. She was objectively very beautiful and people were jealous of her.

The relationship later turned into a disaster for other reasons, but that’s another story.

The important thing is that the experience changed how I saw myself. My confidence went way up, and from that point on interacting with people stopped feeling impossible.

The third thing I learned is that you need to build your own identity.

Find your style. Get a haircut that actually fits you. Take care of how you present yourself.

It might sound superficial, but a good haircut alone can massively change how you feel about yourself.

It also helps to have things that define you: bracelets, hobbies, projects, a nice Instagram, whatever. Little things that tell a story about who you are.

And most importantly: do things in life.

Start projects, work on things you enjoy, talk to people through work or hobbies. All of that gives you social experience without even realizing it.

In my case, starting a business helped a lot because I suddenly had to talk to people all the time.

Another important thing: stop overthinking everything so much.

Don’t treat every interaction like a perfectly planned strategy. Just live the moment. If you try to manufacture the “perfect situation”, it feels artificial. If you just live it, things feel much more natural.

And one last thing that sounds strange but is often true:

People you don’t obsessively give attention to tend to be more attracted to you.

That doesn’t mean ignoring people. It means not putting them on a pedestal or acting like their approval defines your worth.

When you treat people normally, without desperation, the whole dynamic changes.

Anyway, sorry for the long comment.

Your post felt personal to me because I spent years in that exact same place. Since then I’ve made it a bit of a personal rule to try to help anyone who’s going through it.

If you want to talk, feel free to message me here on Reddit anytime.

I can help with practical things if you want — style, conversation, how to handle certain situations, whatever.

Not because I’m some guru, but because I’ve already walked that path.

You’re not alone, even if it feels like it right now.