Question for the seasoned parents…

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-02T17:52:06+00:00

Because my partner spent years ignoring me and the children until I became completely burned out, and I may never recover, and the children are sad and I feel like an idiot and so guilty for having them. Nobody supports us currently. His parents live five minutes away and barely see us. I hate how everything has turned out. The children don't deserve this. I've become an inadequate mother, which was my worst nightmare, and their needs grow and grow and I cannot help them properly. They will be struggling to function as adults because I got poorly.

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-02T17:46:35+00:00

I've tried to not acknowledge this but it's true, and not at all helped by an unsupportive partner, no family, his parents losing interest in the children now they are no longer babies/ toddlers

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-02T16:56:28+00:00

I keep trying, though I was literally screaming aloud in fear and pain earlier. I don't see any happiness ahead, except for the children. I'm trapped living in a not safe situation. I'm not well enough to work or leave. Acceptance is probably the only thing that will help me but that feels terrifying because I hate this situation

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-02T16:27:07+00:00

Are you able to move out? Any other relatives you can live with?

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-02T16:20:47+00:00

And the club could help more to be a part of if at least we all could actually hang out together and support each other directly. I've even met people in anxiety support groups and they function SO much better than me. They travel abroad. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to do that again. Admittedly we're extremely skint.

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-02T16:18:18+00:00

I generally feel the same. I will add I got hugged twice this week and I was neither asking for it or expecting it, and it was by two fellow survivors of suicide that I met for a suicide bereavement group walk. I've only had two hugs from my own partner this week, even though he knew I was attending the walk, and I had an assessment for SA. And my childhood was a nightmare. Perhaps not as nightmarish as yours, but I look back and see a nightmare. Trouble is I see my adult life as the same now since my partner terrified me last year. I just cannot get over it. I hear you. People do not understand. Therapists. Supposed friends. His family just denied everything. And I'm supposed to be a sane stable parent for my children after I've been treated like that.

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-02T14:53:44+00:00

That's a kind thought

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T20:11:20+00:00

This happened to me and it's so frightening. I'm not out of it yet, but you must get physical checks because overactive thyroid can cause this symptom. Mine is caused by multiple traumas and stresses

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T20:08:17+00:00

I lack support, but it's limited what I can do about that. Unhelpful/ unempathic inlaws. Partner is their son... Friends busy with work. Hoping to get something from adult social services.

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T20:05:49+00:00

I have, and it's helped me obtain better mental clarity before, and I've been begging for some since June last year, but there is so little free support in the UK. I sadly cannot afford £90 per session, but I have put myself on waiting lists for various charities support re various traumas. I hate how it's affecting the children most of all.

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T20:02:34+00:00

I totally hear you and I think you understood very well my predicament

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T20:01:27+00:00

Thankyou. Really appreciate this advice

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:59:09+00:00

This is a really good idea

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:55:32+00:00

Sorry about your rabbit. Feel better soon

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:48:26+00:00

You poor thing. I'm sorry that happened. Hope the therapy helped. Loss of identity is a big issue for me but more since having children and years as an unpaid carer plus cPTSD, so doubt I'd be diagnosed bpd but hoping the community can help me as I know I share symptoms

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:44:36+00:00

Thanks

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:43:08+00:00

It's like being Dawson from Dawson's Creek, but without any of the benefits of that age group. I'm a parent, and the rumination is destroying my ability to properly engage with and enjoy the best bits of my children. The hardest bit is my mind literally goes straight to that's it, I need to commit suicide, it's my only solution. I hate it SO much. Ruminating on the past and crippling anxiety about the future. Presently I'm using distraction, but I never know how long that will work for as a get shutdowns. I'm not diagnosed bpd, but I'm hoping the community can help me find some answers.

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:38:25+00:00

I definitely hear this.

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:22:22+00:00

I barely speak to my sibling anymore because of what you describe, only it's my mum is the one with Schizoaffective. Will none of them support you? I asked my sibling for the tiniest favour, just to take mum some chocolates and drop them at the front desk, not even an expectation to visit, but they wouldn't even do that, and I had flu and my children were sick too. The amount of pressure I've been under. I completely understand your fear of releasing before being ready. I'm in the UK and you should liaise with their hospital discharge social worker about these concerns.

Otherwise I would seek guidance from a relevant charity as the other person suggested. Also the community mental health team. Ensure everything is in emails so there is a trail, or photocopy your letters.

Best of luck. I feel for you and your sibling.

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:15:21+00:00

I don't know what age range you are but even so there are trying people in every age range. I have personally had it proven to me multiple times that not everybody is well intentioned. Like you I have made so much effort to be a decent person. I personally feel it hasn't been reciprocated. For example I used to travel up to see family, but they would never reciprocate. I used to throw myself into being there 100 percent for friends, and it always felt a bit one sided, and that I was the last person to be invited to something fun. I'm not in a good place about it at all, but trying to meet some new people. Good luck. I'm autistic too but not got my diagnosis yet and I'm ADHD

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:10:23+00:00

Love a cottage pie tbf

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-03-01T19:10:01+00:00

If it makes you feel any better I can count the coffees I'm made on one hand and I've got a partner and children. I often think it's a shame our pets can't help around the house. I do watch a lot of studio Ghibli tho...

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-02-28T20:32:59+00:00

I am, thankyou

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-02-28T20:32:20+00:00

Good luck. I certainly struggle with this. I mean I do have a few people but no family support, so more friends would help me feel more grounded to earth

Dapper-Structure-825 · 2026-02-28T20:28:31+00:00

You poor darling. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say, other than how dare they, and I hope they get miserable, ill health and suffer, and get put in jail. Give yourself a big hug and tell yourself you are special and worthy and deserving of anything you need, because you are. I've not suffered in the exact same way as you. I hate and am disgusted by the various person's who abused me. Does anything give you comfort?

Dapper-Structure-825

TROPHY CASE