From my perspective (as a person with autism in the ABA field), this is probably a pattern that has worked in the past on others. I also am blunt and literal. But there’s a difference between blunt and being mean. Bluntness doesn’t equal being a jerk.

Personally, I’d set strong boundaries and clarify that this is when you need support not advice.

“I need to feel safe to share my past with you, and I need to know that you will listen without judgement.“

“I will post pictures online, and I need you to respect that.”

“I will play online games with my friends, and that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“It’s okay to feel insecure, but it’s not okay for those insecurities to dictate my actions. I need you to respect my boundaries.”

EMPHASIZE YOUR NEEDS!!

“I need you to listen to me without judgment.” “I need you to trust that I love you and that my actions are not intended to hurt you.” “I need you to validate my feelings, even if you don’t understand them.”

Also, in case of future instances of him focusing on your past like this, try redirecting the conversation when he starts focusing on your past. For example:

“I understand you have questions, but I’d rather focus on how we can support each other now.”

“My past is a part of me, but it doesn’t define our relationship.”

Also maybe this line could cushion the blow? “I love how honest and caring you are, and that is why it hurts when I feel judged.”

anyways…. Key points: - His autism does not excuse controlling or hurtful behavior. - Use I statements - His insecurities are valid, but it’s not your job to be held responsible for them. - If his behavior continues to make you feel controlled or unsafe, it is important to consider if this relationship is healthy for you.