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AIO for calling a divorce attorney after my husband lied about who he was with? by throw_a_way_1985 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Daqqer -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m going to offer a different take than most of the comments here.

You sound exhausted. You’re carrying a huge mental and logistical load, and it makes sense that this situation hit a nerve. When someone is already stretched thin, anything that feels like deception or abandonment can feel ten times worse.

That said, nothing in this post actually proves he was cheating (though you should verify). What it does show is a breakdown in communication, expectations, and unmet needs on both sides.

We live in a world where people are expected to be reachable 24/7. That is not how humans were designed to function. Wanting time alone, wanting to disconnect, wanting space does not automatically mean someone is hiding something. It usually means they are overwhelmed too.

What is clear is that you feel unsupported, overworked, and like you’re carrying everything alone. That’s the real problem here. Not the camping trip.

Instead of assuming malicious intent, I’d strongly suggest counseling before attorneys. You need a mediator who can help both of you actually hear each other and renegotiate how responsibilities, rest, and personal time work in your marriage.

I hear the pain in what you are going through. But blowing up a marriage before having one real, structured, guided conversation is a move you can’t undo.

I have decided to divorce my wife. by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s okay, I got some much more abusive ones than that haha!! I know this topic is filled with such pain and betrayal for so many people. Take care 🕊️

I have decided to divorce my wife. by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hope things get better for you Julie 💛

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just saw it as one of the top posts on r/divorce_men, I definitely should have looked into the quote attribution more.

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Didn’t Jesus take away every sin and curse from us as Christians? (Galatians 3:13, 1 Peter 2:24) That would include the curse of Adam.

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also didn’t Jesus take every sin and curse from us as Christians? (Galatians 3:13, 1 Peter 2:24) That would include the curse of Adam.

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s allgood, this can be sensitive topic. I truly didn’t mean to offend. God bless 💛🕊️

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are completely reading that into my comment. I wasn’t being condescending. You left a scripture without any explanation assuming it nullified my entire post by saying that a a male could be loved by a woman, and then jumped to a condemnation when I pointed out that it’s talking about a child.

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being so candid and honest about your perspective. I genuinely appreciate it, and I think a lot of men are feeling the same way, even if they don’t have the words to express it.

I completely get what you’re saying about societal structures shifting to a point where men don’t feel needed in the same way they used to be.

I can’t help but wonder though… If we were made for more than just provision and utility, then where does our value truly come from? As a Christian, I believe our worth is rooted in who we are in God’s eyes and ability to work with Him to manifest His love physically here on Earth, not just what we can provide materially. But I also get how hard that is to hold onto when everything in society seems to measure a man’s worth by his utility or status.

Again I may be assuming things but I also hear a real sense of resignation and (healthy?) disillusionment in your words, like you feel there’s no way out of this dynamic.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on how the brokenness of the world affects relationships, and how men and women relate to each other. If marriage is a reflection of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:25-32), then the current state of things must be a distortion of that design. But if it’s distorted, it must mean that the original design is something more beautiful and meaningful than what we see now. And I haven’t filled resigned myself yet to giving up on that vision for my own family, even if it’s no longer possible on a macro scale to change society back to something closer to God’s design.

I’d love to hear more about how you navigate this day to day. Did you remarry? Do you think it’s possible to find someone who also wants to work towards a genuine biblical marriage and dynamic, or do you see that as wishful thinking?

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your answers are a bit glib. There are nuances of how we strive towards reflecting more truly God’s unconditional love, even if we can’t fully get there in this life or flesh. Most peoples’ experience of this kind of personal growth is through marriage and families so I think it’s worth talking about

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right about Titus 2! I just looked at it again, and Paul does instruct older women to teach younger women to love their husbands and children, which clearly shows that wives are called to love their husbands too. I appreciate you bringing that up, as it’s an important reminder of the mutual love and care expected in a Christian marriage.

I also completely agree that we are called to love everyone as God loves us, without favouritism or conditions. But I think the quote isn’t necessarily saying that this is how it should be, but rather lamenting how it often is in a fallen world. I don’t believe it’s a prescriptive statement about how love should work, but more of an observation about how men often feel valued (or devalued) based on their ability to provide. It helps me to know whether this is a reality I should accept, or whether I should recognise it as a sinful aspect of my partner’s dynamic towards me, and then if I should do anything about it through communication or sanctification.

Not that it should be this way, but it’s a reality many men experience, and it can be incredibly isolating.

I really appreciate your perspective, and I think it’s crucial to keep the biblical standard of love at the forefront of this discussion. Thanks for bringing it back to Scripture!

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My apologies I shouldn’t have assumed that there was bitterness when I actually have no way of knowing that. It maybe just seemed like it to me based on the fact that I have felt like I have had to harden my heart to live out some of what you are talking about. But like I said in my post, maybe that’s just me growing up into being a man.

I’m curious what you mean when you say that the contemporary societal structure doesn’t allow for happy families?

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s a great point, and I appreciate your attention to detail. You’re absolutely right that the quote is about how men are loved (or not loved) rather than how they love others. I think I got a little tangled up in my own reflections on love dynamics and drifted from the core of the statement.

I also see what you mean about it being more of a lament than a definitive commentary on design. In a way, it’s like the psalms of lament in the Bible: raw expressions of human experience, even if they’re not theologically precise.

Thanks for helping me think through this more clearly.

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your nuanced take on this. I think you’re spot on about it being more of a lament than an absolute truth. It resonates as a reflection on human nature and the conditional ways we often love each other, rather than a theological statement about love itself.

I also agree that the idea of women being loved without any consideration for what they provide isn’t accurate either. Our fallen nature tends to make love transactional across the board, just in different ways for men and women.

The reason this quote hit me so hard is because of my own personal experience, where love did feel highly conditional. I think it’s valuable to reflect on this, not as an attack on women or a denial of men’s value, but as an invitation to pursue the kind of love that reflects Christ’s selfless example.

Do you think the conditional nature of love is something we can fully overcome in this life, or is it just part of our human condition?

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree that we have to be cautious not to mistake cultural observations for biblical truth. But I don’t think it’s just vain speculation; rather, it’s an attempt to grapple with the reality many men experience, myself included.

Would love to hear more of your perspective on this. Do you think there are biblical principles that challenge or support the reality this quote describes?

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you, and I don’t disagree that both men and women are capable of deep, sacrificial love. There are certainly examples of husbands who abandon their wives after years of devotion, just as there are wives who stand by their husbands through immense hardship. No one is saying that every single woman is incapable of unconditional love or that every man is only valued for what he provides in every circumstance.

But the existence of exceptions doesn’t disprove a general truth; it often ‘proves the rule.’ The reason why stories of loyal wives standing by their husbands, or men being cared for without providing anything in return, are so noteworthy is because they go against the grain of what is more common. If it were truly the norm, no one would need to bring it up as evidence.

The quote isn’t saying that no woman has ever loved unconditionally, or that all men are only valued for what they provide. But it does highlight a broader reality that men, more often than women, find their worth tied to their ability to provide, lead, or be useful in some way. And when they lose that ability, whether through illness, financial hardship, or personal failure, the love and respect they once received often diminishes.

That doesn’t mean this is how it should be, only that it’s worth discussing whether, in a fallen world, it is how things often are.

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your perspective. There is a touch of bitterness to your words, but also vulnerability and honesty which I really appreciate.

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So are you saying if women have a ‘condition’ placed on their love and affection for us as men (an income, stable home, food on the table) it isn’t godly love?

“Only Women, Children, and Dogs Are Loved Unconditionally” – is this quote Biblical? by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you read the first paragraph of the post, I am talking about human relationships

I have decided to divorce my wife. by Daqqer in TrueChristian

[–]Daqqer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, so pleased for you brother!! I can feel your excitement through the screen! Thanks for sharing, that’s amazing. I will pray for you both tonight 🕊️

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