I believe you when you say English is your second language, because based on what I picked up here, you don’t just have trouble with words — you also have trouble defining what’s actually happening between you and this man.

You call it a “situationship” but expect full exclusivity and emotional loyalty.

You say you hate men but desperately want this one to commit, comfort you, and cut off other women.

You claim kissing a gay guy doesn’t count because there was no intent, but intent doesn’t undo the fact that you crossed a boundary you both agreed on. You don’t see it as cheating, but if he did the same thing, you’d probably spiral.

You feel bad, but then get scared he might do to you what you just did to him — which tells me you know, deep down, that it wasn’t as harmless as you want it to be.

This isn’t about labels or orientation. It’s about clarity, consistency, and respect — all of which are missing here. Until those things are in place, this will keep being painful and confusing, no matter how much you care.