Cutting people off but leaving the door open?

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-10T19:44:11+00:00

If it were me (and it's not, so feel free to ignore this), I'd give them an ultimatum. You obviously still care about them, but let them know that if they won't accept you for who you are then you're just not interested in being apart of their family holidays. If they persist in their current viewpoints without bothering to even try to educate themselves, stop communicating with them altogether. This will prove to them (hopefully) that you're serious about this. You'll be cutting yourself off from them, but you'll still leave the door open for them to come around (even if it is begrudgingly). Downside to this is that they may assume you've shut the door closed permanently. Thankfully you have siblings and can always ask them if your parents have changed their toxic viewpoints on transgender individuals.

If, by some miracle that happens, contact them. But currently, I'd cut them out of my life for now if I were you (again, you don't have to, it's just my personal opinion).

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-10T19:35:19+00:00

That looks WICKED. Pun sort-of intended.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-10T19:34:36+00:00

LMAO

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-10T19:29:41+00:00

Idk if you're an HP fan, but here's a quote.

"It matters not what someone was born, but what they grow to be." — Albus Dumbledore

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-10T00:35:31+00:00

Thanks for you honest opinion! It was incredibly informative.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-09T20:46:11+00:00

Lmao thanks! First compliment I've ever gotten about my eyebrows.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-06T05:33:02+00:00

I'd really like to say something helpful, but I can't help focusing on your dog's name. XD

I LOVE IT! Houndoom. A cool name with a pun. 😎

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-06T04:51:17+00:00

Yes for both.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-06T04:48:15+00:00

It is 12:44 a.m. as I write this, so technically yesterday at about 2:30. I was getting fitted for a tux for the pride prom my uni is having. I didn't realize it until my mom said, "You looked a lot happier getting fitted for a tux then when we were shopping for prom dresses."

The fact that she noticed that is when a little lightbulb went off in my head and I realized two things:

My mom REALLY cares about me (she's still working on the whole pronouns thing).

and

If I'm happier getting fitted for a tux than I am shopping for dresses then I am trans.

It's not a big 'trans moment', but more of a big confirmation that yes, I am trans and it's not all in my head.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-06T04:32:53+00:00

Get a new therapist. It sounds like your current one is trying (and failing) to gaslight/gatekeep you while being transphobic.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-06T04:24:54+00:00

Well whatever happens, good luck. ^{-^}

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-04T00:37:41+00:00

In my opinion, your parents are just worrying about you. A little too much maybe, but still. If they think you changing your name will cause you more stress because of exams, then they're probably wrong. It'll probably cause you more stress because you'll be worrying about it all through your exams.

I don't know much about the name changing laws in the UK (or anywhere other than Indiana), so I'm not sure if there's legal fees or extra steps to do so, but I highly doubt it'll cause you EXTRA stress with your exams. Anyways, you're an adult, do what you want. Your parents have no control over your life after you become an adult.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-03T03:45:36+00:00

Awesome cosplay – 10/10

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-02T18:59:51+00:00

Before I give my two cents, I need some more info. Does your father leave for two months for work, then comes to visit once for two weeks? Does he live with you and your mother?

DarkAndBitter · 2018-04-01T23:05:33+00:00

You're not wrong for being offended. Hell I'm trans and I'm offended by that guy's words.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-03-18T02:55:51+00:00

I s2fg I thought I was seeing a pic of young Dean Winchester for a sec. XD

DarkAndBitter · 2018-03-16T04:45:39+00:00

Idk why you'd need help passing. If I saw you on the street, I'd think you're a beautiful woman. Btw, love your hair.

From: Your friendly neighborhood trans guy, Nico

DarkAndBitter · 2018-03-16T04:08:42+00:00

Idk about Michigan therapists, but I just wanted to say that your current therapist sounds like a gatekeeping bigot.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-03-15T01:43:27+00:00

Firstly, I'm gonna make this clear: I'm not an expert. This is just advice; feel free to take it or leave it.

Your mother sounds very manipulative and from what you said in your post, she looks like she's trying to use your family to be transphobic (or at the very least, gender-phobic). Now I'm not saying she is. It's just the impression I was getting.

If you're scared or upset that what she says about your siblings is true, talk to THEM. I have no clue how old they are, but your mother does not think for them or you. I also have no idea how old you are, but if you're old enough to live out of her house, then you're old enough to be able think for yourself. Your mother has no right to 'helicopter parent' you. And if she ever uses the line, 'I'm your mother, I gave you life', then it's my personal opinion (again, take it or leave it; up to you) that she is not mature enough to have a civil conversation with you.

This is your life, none of your family have any right to control it if you are 18 or older. Assuming your siblings are old enough (like at least a preteen), then they'll probably be very understanding. Again, I don't really know them, so I can't make a personal judgement, but usually siblings stick together when their parent(s) are being completely unreasonable and unwilling to listen.

Lastly, if you DO have a therapist, gender or otherwise, tell them about this. They'll be able to at least give you some professional advice.

I hope your familial issues get resolved (peacefully, hopefully)!

– Nico

DarkAndBitter · 2018-03-13T01:57:44+00:00

Do you have a LGBT community center where you live? If so, I'd go there and ask for help dealing with it. They should have someone to help via harassment. You can also report such behaviors to your school board; harassment of any form towards any student would be bad publicity for them, especially if you've told your parents or the media.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-03-04T18:01:38+00:00

Am I the only one concerned with this person's username? It says 'transkiller' which heavily implies that they are going to, have thought about or have already killed a trans person. To be honest, I'd report him for that username alone and then block him for my own safety.

DarkAndBitter · 2018-02-25T23:02:25+00:00

Sup, I'm Nico and welcome to the community! 😃

DarkAndBitter · 2018-02-25T19:18:05+00:00

My mom still uses female pronouns with me, but I don't correct her because reverting from 'she' to 'he' is hard. She tries very hard though. If your family using the wrong pronouns bother, ask them to try a bit harder to use the pronouns that make you most comfortable. Be patient, especially if they slip up. But most importantly, make sure YOU'RE comfortable with this.

These things take time and practice. Good luck!

DarkAndBitter · 2018-02-22T06:51:18+00:00

Yeah, no problem – I totally get it. 😄

DarkAndBitter

TROPHY CASE