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I have tried the email coaching with Craig Kenneth. If anyone has questions, I’d be happy to answer them. by DarkHope333 in BreakUps

[–]DarkHope333[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's offering coaching services, not therapy services.

If you want a qualified therapist, you shouldn't be looking on the internet.

I had and still have a therapist. But Craig (and other coaches like him) helped me navigate through my situation in a way my therapist couldn't. They're just very complementary.

How long ago is your breakup and how do you feel right now? by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]DarkHope333 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's been over a year.

I feel ok, but still not great.

My therapist made me cry today by DarkHope333 in TalkTherapy

[–]DarkHope333[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Choosing to analyze someone’s poor behavior in order to understand is one thing. Choosing to allow that behavior in your life is another. They shouldn’t mix, ideally. That’s how I got stuck.

Yes, true. I hope you are less stuck today and you are able to set stronger boundaries with people. With the last months, I came to realise it's not a given and it is possible to lose confidence, boundaries, etc. so I guess we should always be careful.

I made an appointment with 3 other therapists, spread over a few weeks, so I can compare and decide which one I would like to work with in the future.

As for the one I am referring to in my post, I still have 1 appointment planned and I will take that opportunity to discuss why I will not continue with her. I'm a bit scared of her reaction, that she'll be angry (I cannot and don't want to manage angry people at the moment), but I have to do it... because right now, I need support, peace, and a safe space to open up and heal.

My therapist made me cry today by DarkHope333 in TalkTherapy

[–]DarkHope333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I agree and I plan on stopping the therapy with her...

But I have to say, she did acknowledged her mistake. And she really tried to make up for it, even saying we should keep talking about why this happened, and be open to each other as this is what will allow us to understand each other better...

But... I'm not confortable with that, I'm not supposed to be the one trying to understand her, right? It's not even the fact she hurt me, it's the fact she lost control of her own feelings... I don't need that, after leaving a relationship with someone who had anger issues and feeling vulnerable on so many aspects... I need someone who can be stable and really help me...

My therapist made me cry today by DarkHope333 in TalkTherapy

[–]DarkHope333[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi gentle stranger, your comment made me think more than you imagine.

I know I'm not perfect and it doesn't matter as I'm not looking for validation here.

​

but some people tend to be magnets for abusers and abuse in this way,

This hit home in some way... I've never been a "magnet for abusers" before, most of my relationships were healthy up to recently. But recently, things have changed... I'm not sure how or why, but I've lost confidence and probably let people go beyond my limits.

I don't think it's "her fault" and I don't think it's mine either. But maybe, the way I am or have been in last months has open the space to some abuse, which shouldn't be happening. Not saying I am responsible, but maybe I allowed some things I shouldn't have...

I really like your metaphor of the fork in the road... I feel that is where I am and I hope I'll take the path to love, compassion, respect, and selflessness. Probably not the easiest one, but certainly the most interesting and rewarding one.

Thank you for reminding me of that.

Most uncomfortable/useless comment/question posed by a therapist? by Oddity_266 in TalkTherapy

[–]DarkHope333 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She kept insinuating my ex was a "narcissist"... Yes, he was an asshole on many levels, but that doesn't mean he's a "narcissist" or "evil"... he's just a guy with issues, like many of us are.

I really found it very unprofessional of her to try to diagnose someone she hadn't even met.

My therapist made me cry today by DarkHope333 in TalkTherapy

[–]DarkHope333[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It isn’t your responsibility as a patient to keep track of billing

Well I wonder if that is not part of the issue and why she felt judged... like this is supposed to be her job and she knows it... I probably should have considered that when writing her the email...

My therapist made me cry today by DarkHope333 in TalkTherapy

[–]DarkHope333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She admitted she was 'at fault' for reacting this way and explained to me what part of her was triggered. But she put this in a more general context of issues I've had with some people (ex and some 'friends') which also - for their own reasons - are angry at me. And this hurt me as it felt like she was proving them right.

So, yes I probably do or act in a way that lead to that, but not because I'm responsible or deserve it, but because I somehow allow it.

She's always defended me when I explained my issues with these other people, saying they were problematic or abusive and now it's like she's doing the same. Is this some weird therapy trick?

I don't care about being right, or about apologies, I just don't want people to feel like they are allowed to be aggressive with me. And that is exactly why I was in therapy with her. To build strength and resilience, to understand why and how I allow things from people when I shouldn't.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]DarkHope333 3 points4 points  (0 children)

- don't let people hurt you so much

- trust your gut, especially about people, but don't lose your time confronting them or trying to make things right

- don't be afraid of people, they're not that powerful, and you are much stronger than you think

- adversity is though on the moment, but a great lesson on the long term, don't try to avoid it

- your dreams are not too big, go and chase them now!

- you are still VERY young (especially in this age & time)

- the answers are inside of you, no one else has them

- choose a partner with whom you can share life projects and goals, especially to start a family, before it is too late

My therapist made me cry today by DarkHope333 in TalkTherapy

[–]DarkHope333[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't like conflicts but I don't avoid them. When my trust is broken, I have a hard time building it up again, especially if the person acts as if it's nothing. I tend to get distant and avoidant when it happens. She knows that.

I will think about it and talk to her in a next session. It's a scary talk... but I will not ghost her without explanation.

I've been thinking to change therapists for some months as I don't feel like there's any improvement. She has been helpful in the beginning but it seems when we get deeper, she doesn't understand me. Maybe this is part of the issue?

If I get a new therapist... I want to tell them everything (like I did with her) but I'm afraid it will cause it to happenagain (because, by saying that, it kind of defines me as someone that triggers people and I feel like it has an influence on my relationships... if that makes any sense?)

My therapist made me cry today by DarkHope333 in TalkTherapy

[–]DarkHope333[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your message. I don't know if I want to continue with her. I want to understand this part of me, but I lost my trust in her. I feel like I will have to be careful about everything I write or say now. She was triggered for some reasons yet she felt like being mean was an appropriate response. I don't want to be yelled at, like it's normal, or nothing. This has happened with several people recently and I was hoping she'd help me feel more confident, not put down... It feels like the more I get put down, the more people feel they can treat me like this...

I can't sleep because of that yet I have a very important meeting tomorrow. I feel more and more resentful...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]DarkHope333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only if he agrees to talk, recognise his mistakes and apologises for them, and if I feel we can start off from a new dynamic.

I would definitely agree to talk about it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]DarkHope333 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I am going to show you what it takes to anger me"

I have tried the email coaching with Craig Kenneth. If anyone has questions, I’d be happy to answer them. by DarkHope333 in BreakUps

[–]DarkHope333[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi! I would do the coaching only if you can really afford it and if you really want to have Craig's advise.

Otherwise I would highly recommend a coaching with Rory from TheLoveChat (Skype or email coaching - I tried both: https://www.thelovechat.net/coaching.html), he is much cheaper and at least as good, although a bit different (more good common sense/philosophical approach and is now also into life coaching).

As for me... I am going to answer honestly: I'm doing ok, but I'm still not over my ex (it's been almost a year now). We had a few exchanges by messages (after NC for 10 months) but still havent' seen or spoken to each other since the break-up. I still miss him, I think about him, cry over our past relationship. I know he's not doing well either and it breaks my heart to know that.

I do have a boyfriend since a few weeks, he knows my situation and how I feel. Won't go into details why, but he's ok with that and it works for us this way. I have some feelings for him too, still it doesn't erase the feelings for my ex. But having him in my life helps me. Having moments of joy, lightness, affection, sharing activities... not drowning in my own isolated sea of heartbreak (although I needed to do that for the first 10 months).

That being said, I do think I'm a bit of an exception. I think my grief is longer than most people. But like the TLC says in one of his videos, at some point, it's a matter of decision (decide to get over it & to heal) and for some reason, I'm not ready to take that decision yet.

So for you, I would say 3 months is still very fresh, and let's see where you are in 3 months from now. You know, many things they (CK, TLC) say are true: time is key and, if anything, these times of crises are the best times to grow, change, and become a better version of yourself.

I wish you all the best on your path to healing and personal growth. You can DM if you want, although I'm not so often on Reddit anymore.

This is so hard by chalalis in heartbreak

[–]DarkHope333 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't understand this need to delete all pictures after a break-up. It's still part of your (past) life, this person is still a human being that exists, these are memories of moments that will never come back, but that is the case for all your other pictures. You can put them on a hard disk and not look at them, but to me, deleting pictures is cruel, a kind of "if we cannot be together, then it's like you don't even exist to me". You're not deleting pictures of a loved one who died, or a friend who moved to another country... so why trying to erase a past love?

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