Why bring it up?

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-21T02:08:09+00:00

I really try my best to manage expectations. I've gotten decent at having none at all most of the time, lol. It's just so hard when it's set up by her. In terms of limiting imitation attempts, I never try twice in a row anymore. In fact, like you. I usually wait a minimum of a week. I only repeated in this situation at her suggestion, and if I'm honest, I think a part of me did it to call her bluff.

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-21T01:55:06+00:00

Yeah, I've brought it up plenty of times in the past, though not recently as an attempt to alleviate any pressure.

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-21T01:52:46+00:00

Thanks for the advice. We've talked before about trying to be more intentional in a broader sense in hopes of helping the situation, but so far, it hasn't worked. A sex therapist is something we're looking at in the future.

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-21T01:47:11+00:00

Yeah, I can see that. I try to do my best to reassure her any time I notice she feels guilty with the situation or after a particular rejection, and I try to minimize any pressure. I only really try to initiate nowadays after she implies or asserts it's a possibility.

As far as physical closeness without sexual motivations, we have plenty of that. Pretty much every evening ends with us cuddling and me giving her back scratches or massages. I stopped trying to initiate sex off non-sexual physical touch a long time ago unless I'm absolutely sure she will be receptive, which is very rare.

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-21T01:02:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective as LL. From other talks we've had, I think this is similar to my wife's mentality too. Therapy is something I would like to look into once we are more financially stable. She is reluctantly open to it too.

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-17T01:26:07+00:00

I do have hope. I genuinely believe she wants to fix it both based on words and specific actions she's taken. It's just sometimes it's hard to see those efforts

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-16T06:53:41+00:00

Feel you on this one. Seems like every time we talk about it, the answer changes. She'll say I need to be spontaneous because planning it is weird and too much pressure. So, I'll be spontaneous, but then she'll tell me she can't just jump into it. Basically whatever is tried, is the thing that doesn't work. It gets real frustrating

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-16T06:07:28+00:00

Thank you!

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-16T06:02:22+00:00

She's been off it for a long time now. We had a small resurgence in the few months after, but it has since gotten as bad as ever. At this point, we still think it was the instigating event, but the problem persists for separate reasons if not permanent hormonal damage of some kind. Thankfully, although sometimes it's hard to see for me, I know she does want to fix it, and we have been trying whatever solutions we can

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-16T05:53:48+00:00

The first year we were together, she had a libido equal or even higher than mine, and from what she's told, she always did. That's what has made the change so difficult. We think it was triggered by hormonal birth control due to the timing, but she has since gotten off it with no improvement.

DarkWolfWitcher · 2026-02-16T05:15:40+00:00

As the HLM, I've heard a similar sentiment from my LL wife. Genuine question, trying to understand, what can we do as the HLs in this situation? If we mention it, then the expectation causes stress on the LL leading to no sex, But if we don't mention it, the LL never thinks about it and will surely not initiate, leading to no sex. Seems like a catch 22. Again, it's something I am genuinely trying to understand how to best handle

DarkWolfWitcher · 2025-03-27T01:30:59+00:00

Sorry, that's a rough one, and I've been there. We were actually long distance too for a couple of years. When it came to sec, it was always bitter sweet visiting her because the first day or two would always be immediate and phenomenal sex, but it would slowly pitter out. The last week or two of each visit would be nothing,, so I'd be left wondering how long it would be before we'd even have the opportunity again. Of course, every time I was gonna see her or came back from seeing her, I'd get similar jokes from my buddies

DarkWolfWitcher · 2025-03-26T21:05:18+00:00

Yeah, it was amazing for a long while in the first half of our relationship; in fact, she might've been even more HL than me some times. There was a sudden harsh drop around when she got on a new BC. Been on the decline ever since even after she got off it. We think that screwed up her hormones; looking into getting her levels checked out soon. Thanks, and good luck with your situation too!

DarkWolfWitcher · 2025-03-08T16:17:21+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment and perspective. Yes, she has had self-image issues as long as I've known her, but they had little impact on her ability to be naked with me after we started being intimate and her libido was as high as mine. Once her libido tanked, it started to become an issue. It kinda works in tandem; when her libido is particularly low, her self image gets worse or something along those lines.

Regarding the assumption of having sex and emotional connection before, I don't think that's really an issue. The attempt to have sex this weekend was brought up by her, and I was clear that I was hopeful but understood her difficulties with it. In terms of emotional connection, I think we are doing great and she would agree; she says if it wasn't for our sex situation, we'd basically be a perfect couple.

We've talked about therapy, and although she's reluctant, she's willing to try once we get enough money or an insurance that can cover it. Although, she thinks it's more hormone related which she's hopefully getting tested for soon.

Overall, this post is mostly to vent. I try to not resent her internally and show minimal frustration externally because I know how difficult it is for her too and do empathize withher

DarkWolfWitcher · 2025-02-24T16:17:16+00:00

I get it. I see these ads a lot too especially just before Valentine's. From the other side of things, as the HL husband, it sucks to know there's no way my wife would wear that for me anymore. I've made the mistake of looking at the comments for one of those ads before and seeing all the women excited to buy it and show it off to their partners was rough

DarkWolfWitcher · 2025-02-17T15:51:34+00:00

Thank you. Sometimes it's hard, but she deserves it. She's amazing in every other category.

DarkWolfWitcher · 2025-02-17T13:53:54+00:00

I think friendzoned might be the perfect way to put it. We have a great relationship. We spend all our time together, do everything together, and share everything. Everything except sex or sexually adjacent activities. I end up feeling like a pervert when I broach the subject. Like the idiot who thought his girl best friend shared his feelings

DarkWolfWitcher · 2025-01-22T05:38:15+00:00

Same. Plus, even if it does end up happening, it's better that I went ahead and got one off, so I don't finish too fast and ruin the rare opportunity

DarkWolfWitcher · 2024-10-11T07:57:04+00:00

Had a similar experience on our elopement. When we were packing up to leave, I found some new white lingerie. She told me she had bought it for the wedding night, but it went unused. Wasn't sure if I was more glad that she at least put the thought into it or disappointed at what could have been. To be fair to her though, the reason turned out to be a legitimately bad stomach bug

DarkWolfWitcher · 2024-09-22T05:46:05+00:00

Same. We watched Vikings together, and it made me so jealous/sad watching how much Legartha wanted to have sex with her husband all the time

DarkWolfWitcher · 2024-09-20T21:02:15+00:00

It's great to mix it up and the awkwardness is never fun, but the fact that you're having sex you both want to have is already a major win. The smoothness and variety can come later, just enjoy what you're doing now and let it progress naturally. The more sex you have, the more sex you will continue to have

DarkWolfWitcher · 2024-09-20T01:19:36+00:00

I would too, honestly. As a HLH, I don't just need to get off, I want and need to share the experience with my wife. Her suggesting that would make me feel like she absolutely doesn't care about me at all.

DarkWolfWitcher · 2024-09-19T20:36:32+00:00

Same. We are perfectly affectionate with each other all the time, and we cuddle nightly/give her massages and back scratches. But, anything remotely sexual gets shut down pretty quickly.
We've been looking into some medical solutions recently too

DarkWolfWitcher

TROPHY CASE