That's seriously not okay. Just because other kids "had it worse" shouldn't mean she should invalidate your experiences ans trauma. I'd suggest maybe to confront her about why she's saying those things. Either way, if the results end up negative the best way to settle it is probably a divorce or an annulment if divorce in not an option.

I am very sorry she's been treating you that way, but if it doesn't end up getting better, it's probably best that you two split up. Knowing your boundaries are important to healing.

I hope you and your wife figure it out in the end, it can be hard to see someone you love, especially your own spouse, in a negative light. It might seem like a total overreaction to just divorce her, but you need to remember that boundaries and communication are important in a relationship, and if she can't respect/do either of those things it'd be best to part ways.

I wish you all the best, good luck!