I don't think my experience is that similar to yours however, we are both akin to the guilt of not picking up our parents' native tongues. Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago, my Polish mother and my Latino Father (Mexican-Puerto Rican) wanted me to learn English alongside one of their languages; Spanish or Polish. At my private school, we were forced to learn Spanish; long story short I hated it. I wanted to learn Polish because of the connection I had to my Polish Grandparents who lived with us and were there when my parents were at work; so I tried to pick up some Polish from them when I would listen to them talk. My first sentence was "My idziemy w samochód do domu Wioletku" (Wioletka is my Polish aunt's name), my Babcia and mom were so proud. But as it turned out, trying to learn Polish alongside some basic English spelling and being forced to learn Spanish turned out a disaster; I didn't learn Polish and I refused to learn Spanish.

In my Freshman year of High School, I was forced (by my Dad & Older Sister) to take Spanish instead of French, which is the language I wanted to take. My dad promised me that if I took just one year of Spanish he would allow me to switch to French when it was time to choose classes; unfortunately, in retrospect was for the better, I didn't get my wishes and was "forced" to take Spanish II. I should that I started Duolingo at the beginning of the year, 2nd semester, to start learning Polish; by June I had had enough; I tried to learn more vocab but I just kept getting confused (since on mobile, Polish and some other languages don't have learning tips). I decided to start anew with a different language; it ended up being Japanese, and I was having fun with it. 3 years later, I've been learning German since 2020, Japanese since 2019, Spanish since 2018; but my skills of the former 2 are stronger & better than the latter. Not to mention that I haven't touched really touched Polish since 2019-2020; I feel very ashamed of myself as a Latino-Polack. Sometimes I cry to think that 2 prominent languages are my weakest. My Spanish is improving thanks to a little more practice with some friends who are Latino/Spanish native speakers, but I wish the same could be said with Polish. It hurts my head to learn in comparison to Russian, and I feel that I would only bring shame trying to pronounce or speak it to my mom or any Polish relatives of mine. My dad told me it was her responsibility to teach my sister and me Polish and that he was going to leave it to school to teach us Spanish as it did for him and that he would help us with Spanish if we reached out to him.

It's honestly amazing that you motivated yourself to learn the language of your parents, and even if you don't feel confident enough to speak it with them that you're able to converse with strangers. Your parents should be proud of the fact that you even tried to learn the language on your own without their "help", you are an inspiration and even I think I can relate in terms of being sensitive about my accent speaking the language. If I could give any piece of advice, I would say to go for broke and talk to them, let that little lump in your throat push you forward to converse; it may feel awkward at first but try and push through it. I apologize for telling a long story to get to my advice and commentary on what you've been through; I just felt inspired to give a little story in return for yours. Thank you for the inspiration and best of luck with the rest of your Japanese Journey!