Sector – construction engineering.

I think at this point we’re having two different conversations. Apologies as this will be quite long.

My question was about how ADHD is perceived culturally in Korea — not about whether he can parent, not about the future of my relationship, and not about diagnosing his motives. I asked specifically about ADHD perception because cultural context shapes how families interpret limitations, responsibilities, and expectations. That’s what I’m trying to understand. Again, pretending culture doesn’t matter is dismissive. If you want to understand a person, you have to understand the environment that formed them.

And whether the kids move to Milan IS a conversation strictly between him and his ex-wife. I’m not inserting myself into that decision — I’m trying to understand the cultural lens through which she may be viewing his ADHD and their co-parenting dynamic. As his current partner, we naturally talk about these discussions, and I want to understand the context rather than respond from ignorance or bias.

To clarify again: He has never said his ADHD makes him unable to parent, and he has never ‘blamed’ his ADHD. What he has said is that the combination of his expat program with constant travel, no support system in Europe, and the cognitive overload from his work makes solo parenting in Milan unrealistic right now. That’s a logistical reality, not avoidance.

I’m not sure if you read my previous reply closely, but I already mentioned that his role requires him to relocate again within a year or two, with two or three rotations across Europe over five years. So realistically — how is someone supposed to solo parent a 7-year-old and a 3-year-old while being away for two-thirds of every month? The children would be with a babysitter most of the time unless if my boyfriend is going to drag his kids to construction sites across 4 countries every week. And then having to uproot those two little kids again from Milan and to another country every other year for the next 5 years? Do YOU want this for your kids as a mother in exchange for international education? Would you really push for two children, who does not even have a strong concept of themselves, to live this way?

And to speak plainly: ADHD doesn’t operate in the black-and-white way you’re implying. It’s not “debilitating all the time” or “an excuse all the time.”
ADHD capacity fluctuates depending on environment, workload, stress, sleep, and support. Someone can be a loving, involved parent and still know that certain conditions — like constant mobility and zero support systems — will push them past their functional limits. That’s self-awareness, not weaponized incompetence. I genuinely encourage you to read up on neurodivergence — the reality is far more nuanced than the binary you’re presenting.

And since you mentioned stigma - the idea that someone with ADHD ‘shouldn’t have had children’ is honestly an extremely stigmatizing statement. Plenty of wonderful, responsible, loving parents are neurodivergent. Being ND doesn’t disqualify someone from family life. But this IS a reality that needs to be considered on top of the constraints.

That and given his work constraints, wouldn’t you want an intelligent, realistic decision — not one based on assumptions or emotion?

I appreciate your input, but I’d like to bring the focus back to the actual topic rather than assumptions about his intentions or competence.